Messages

Hi Papa Coco,

Thanks for your reply and your understanding of the devastating effects of never being shown affection as a child, because that's what really hurts the most from my childhood. Never mind the countless looks that could kill, the verbal putdowns, the threats and the intimidation, and even being hit with a leather belt for a childhood prank, I really believe I wouldn't have succumbed to mental illness if I had received love and affection from someone close to me.

I'm glad but sad that so many people on here fully understand that. And the loneliness of CPTSD inside my head, even though I'm not alone on the outside. Hopefully I will feel less and less like that with the therapy and talking on this forum.

And thanks for the virtual hug - means a lot!

Hi Aphotic,

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I agree that more therapists need to be aware of the effects of childhood trauma and CPTSD - the first therapist I saw thought I seemed dissociated (which was true in relation to my surroundings and others around me), and yet didn't link it to the obvious childhood trauma and recent narcissistic abuse that I had fully described over more than a dozen therapy sessions!

Regards,

N.

Hi Kizzie,

Thanks for the reply and your kind words. It is strange that it took so long for CPTSD to be recognised and still isn't in the DSM. I want to tell mental health professionals that emotional trauma really is as damaging as it is!

Hi to everyone,

I've suffered with CPTSD for nearly 8 years now, but I only found out what it was a little over 2 years ago. The symptoms got progressively worse until I contacted a therapist who I thought might help. Despite describing my upbringing, the symptoms and the traumatic situation that triggered the illness (two years of abuse at the hands of a malignant narcissist that did some sub-contract work for my business), the therapist failed to identify the CPTSD and made the illness worse. This process was repeated with another therapist with the same result. It was only when my wife read about the symptoms of PTSD and linked this to my increasingly severe emotional dysregulation that finally I read about CPTSD. Eureka moment for sure!

This is the second trauma-related mental illness I've suffered from (the first was social anxiety disorder that started in 1987, treated reasonably successfully with CBT 10 years later, now not a major problem in my life).

And here is the predictable part, the main cause - physical abuse (mainly father), emotional abuse (father, mother and older brother), and the worst of them all, emotional neglect (everyone in my immediate and extended family - I was literally never kissed, hugged or told that I was loved by ANYONE (ok, there was one great-aunt that visited a few times a year from London who used to kiss me on the cheek and my so-called mother used to make a massive deal about how I wasn't going to like her doing this!!)).

Since the CPTSD revelation, I have received EMDR therapy (noticeable reduction in some of the symptoms) and continue to receive long-term support with another therapist who specialises in treating childhood trauma/CPTSD - I know because of the nature of the illness that I might never become completely well again, but I have no choice but to try everything possible to make things bearable. I have a very supportive wife and two amazing daughters to consider after all!

There's plenty I wish to say about my miserable and fearful childhood but this will take many posts and for now I would just like to say thank you for all being here and reading this first post.

Regards,

N.