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Sure thing, it's Papa Coco.  Just PM him to let him know you're interested in joining a Zoom group.

Thank you, Kizzie. Will do.

Hi Fozzie

I just saw your post and hadn't realised that there are Zoom support groups in the forum - if you look at NarcKiddo's post above yours, there's a link to the Zoom groups thread - I've just posted there myself to ask who's co-ordinating these now. Maybe you could add your interest there, or I can let you know when I've had a response?

Good luck, hope you find what you need.

Pangur

Hi,

The last post here about online groups was in March this year so I'm not sure who's co-ordinating now.  I'd like to join a group - could someone let me know who to approach?  I'm in the UK.

Thank you

Pangur

Oh Allie, I'm so deeply sorry for your pain.  I have no words but want to send you a gentle hug and stand with you in this heavy place.  Yesterday's news has sent shock waves around the globe. I hope you can soon recover a sense of your innate goodness and worth. 

Much love

Pangur

  

Hello HealthyHeart, and welcome.

I can relate to a great deal of your story and send you a warm hug.  Late 60s also, self-reliant, lonely and find reaching out difficult.   That's slowly changing.  Really glad you made it to the forum.  I hope you will find comfort, support and companionship here.

Warmest

Pangur

Hi Sanctuary

Thank you for sharing your story and I'm so sorry for all that you've been through.  It sounds as though you're doing incredibly well and I applaud you for taking the self-care steps that have helped you to feel your self-worth, and to feel safer.  It seems so unfair that once we've found a measure of safety and stability, deeper stuff often surfaces and throws us a curveball all over again! You're right, it is so hard and I really relate to the lack of connection being such a huge deal. You are brave and strong and a good person. Sending you a big hug, an extra large hot water bottle and a luxurious duvet to curl up with for the days when you need them.  And I hope you will find comfort and connection here on the forum.

Oh gosh, all this hits home.  I have never talked about SI but it is always there in the background.  The only thing that keeps me here is my adult son - I wouldn't want to put him through such a trauma. Resilient Empath, I want to reach out to you too, and tell you you are not alone, even though it feels like it.  I have only recently joined this forum and am slowly working my way around it, discovering how many others are going through very similar journeys.  I hope that you will continue to post here and ask for help.  It was very brave of you to reach out.  Sending you a warm embrace 

Welcome Regardz, and I'm glad you felt able to post now.

I can relate to a great deal of the journey you describe and feel for you.  It's very hard when you've tried so many ways to deal with the trauma and don't feel that much progress has been made, or worse, that a modality has made things more difficult.  I spent many decades trying to fix what I saw as 'my' inherent flaws, not realising that the awful childhood I'd had was the cause of my suffering.  When I first tried inner child work in therapy, I wouldn't engage with her because there was so much shame and disgust.  At times of low mood, and severe 'flashbacks', it is easy for me to revert to black and white thinking and feel that I have made no progress at all, but in less challenging periods, I can see that this is not true and I can at last at least feel compassion for that poor child.

I'm glad that you have found a good enough relationship now - that's a huge step forward, not to repeat the patterns of engaging with narcissistic partners.  Still working on that one (although alone atm)!

Again, I can relate to the work situation too.  I have always taken on far too much in every job I've ever had and see it very much as yet another effect of trauma and low self-worth.  I left my last job in a co-operative social enterprise because I took on so much and worked so hard that I burned out. I saw how my overly responsible attitude allowed other people to step back and leave me to it, because they knew I would step up (or they just had a healthier approach to work/life balance!).

I've been going through a very bad episode lately, and have found Peter Walker's book 'Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving' really helpful - maybe worth a look? You are not a failure - that sounds like a voice from the past and your inner critic (Peter Walker has useful whole sections on shrinking the inner and outer critical voices).  I hope that you find the resources and support to help you through these difficult times and am glad you've made it to the boards. Sending you a big hug of solidarity 

Hi Rizzo

I'm new to the board but wanted to reach out to say that I feel for you, and hope that you can get the help and support you need soon.  I'm also at an all-time low and struggling.  I wonder whether a separate board would be good on the forum for people who are in crisis, or in extremis, to gather support from the community at crucial times.

A warm hug 

Welcome Pangur! 

So glad you found this website and forum.  It's been a life changing thing for me to find people who get what I've been going through all my life, even if I still don't get it myself.

Like you I went through the narcissist abuse and dysfunctional family dynamic as I was raised in a "loving family" but had no idea I had experienced trauma until I was 53.  Now at 66, I am grateful to be on my recovery journey from trauma (as well as being 13 years sober, but that's another long and painful story.)

So glad you have the book by Pete Walker, and that quote you mention is perfect and a bit eye opening!  I've been thinking it's my ADHD that inhibits executive function to move forward but I also know that in my family I had "my place" and the Pete Walker quote is an eye opener, so thank you!

Again, welcome 

Thank you for taking the time to respond, HF.  A warm embrace for your recovery journey 

Thank you again to all of you for your warm and supportive replies.  I don't have the bandwidth to reply individually to everyone but please know that your posts are deeply appreciated. 

Wow, Pangur—welcome and I'm so glad you are here. Just think, by posting and not deleting it, you helped me feel less alone and you were the catalyst for all the little grains of wisdom everyone else posted—and these are helping me as well! Hearing Kizzie and Chart talk about what gives them meaning and contributes to their healing is like a balm for me. And you made that happen—-your presence here is already creating positive ripples in someone else's life. So thank you. 

What a lovely response, BrightArrow.  Feel so warmed by that - the thought that my post may have helped someone else is balm to the soul.  Bless you, and thank you. 

Thank you so much to all who responded.  At a particularly low point atm, but I know the wheel will turn again. Feel very fortunate that along with the rise in awareness of the damaging effects of relational trauma, there are so many more helpful resources available.  Sending a warm hug to anyone who needs it. x

Hello All

Gosh, it's hard to know what to write that isn't going to turn into a book, but here goes. 

After a lifetime of therapy and a myriad other ways to 'fix' myself, a few years back I was introduced to the notion of CPTSD and trauma work.  At first, I was hesitant/resistant (the usual 'it wasn't that bad, other people have it far worse and seem to function much better than I do'), but slowly came to acknowledge the unbearable legacy of the emotional, psychological and sometimes physical abuse at the hands of a deeply narcissistic mother and a father uninvolved with me unless called upon to reinforce my mother's abuse.

I was an only child, so all this happened without witnesses - constant gaslighting, belittling, criticism, blame, shame - you know the score (as does my body).  I have just ended years of therapy with a trauma-informed therapist because I felt I'd reached a brick wall and was just so tired of going through the reliving of the trauma.  Yesterday, I learned that my divorce was finalised - the end of yet another relationship where the abusive patterns from my childhood were repeated, this time far more subtle and insidious but even more devastating for that. Grateful to be out of it, but struggling with all the darkness that arises when I am not in relationship (and maybe why I get into bad relationships in the first place).

I don't want this to become a litany of my woes, so to summarise, I just don't know where to go from here.  I have Pete Walker's book and this paragraph leapt out: An especially tragic developmental arrest that afflicts many survivors is the loss of their will power and self-motivation.  Many dysfunctional parents react destructively to their child's budding sense of initiative.  If this occurs throughout his childhood, the survivor may feel lost and purposeless in his life.  He may drift through his whole life rudderless and without a motor.  Bingo.  My dilemma in a nutshell.  At the age of 68, I have much cognitive understanding of why I am like I am, but lack the will or motivation to move out of the continuing downward spiral into self-neglect, shame and depression.  I'm sure that many here will relate.  It's a Catch 22.
And the rapid approach of my sunset years is adding to the sense of failure/futility/time running out.

To end, I am very grateful to have found this forum and appreciate the deep sharings that take place here.  I wish you all love, healing and community on your journeys of recovery.  My inner critic is screaming at me to delete this very long first post (apologies, and I hope it hasn't been triggering to anyone).  But here it is, in all its glorious imperfection. 

Heartfelt warmth to you all x