Hi,
It's hard to know where to start. I left my marriage as I was very unhappy. We were together 7 years, married 4. Ive felt very let down in the last 3 years since we had our daughter. I'm a stay at home mother, my ex has a 9-5 office job and is the only income. We struggle but we manage to get by. The division of labour was in no way equal, not with baby or household chores. Anytime I brought this up I was met with defensiveness, so I gave up. I stopped being physically affectionate and have felt distant, I checked out of the relationship. He eventually started pulling his weight but it made no difference to how i felt. I told him I was leaving, and told him why and he didn't take it well.
Since then (4 months or so), I am being bombarded. He keeps telling me I'm running from a happy, healthy relationship. That my trauma is entirely to blame (years of sexual, physical and emotional abuse as a child), and was triggered by something amd that caused me to leave. That I didn't try to fix anything and that I'm going to destroy everyone around me until I have nothing left. His supports are reinforcing this, and I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm questioning my own reality constantly. I started with a new therapist recently, and when I explained the situation from my side he does not agree with the assessment my ex has made. Could I be worse mentally than I think I am? Am I being manipulated and broken down until my ex gets what he wants? How do you trust yourself when there are so many people saying the same thing? There are many, many other horrible "truths" I've been told recently and I just feel so tired and beaten down.
I thought I was doing OK, I've had no flash backs until recently when i started bringing up my history in therapy, panic attacks are much less frequent and I haven't felt depressed until maybe the last 3 months of my marriage. I've felt what i think is genuinely happy since my daughter was born, I love being a mother. I found myself a part time job that pays well enough for us to get our own little apartment and even though its hard, and I don't have much of a support system I'm much more relaxed and present. The worst part of my week is when my ex picks her up and i have to see him or any time his name pops up on my phone. Am I wrong in thinking this has nothing to do with my trauma?
Any insights if you've been through something similar would be great. I'm really struggling
It's hard to know where to start. I left my marriage as I was very unhappy. We were together 7 years, married 4. Ive felt very let down in the last 3 years since we had our daughter. I'm a stay at home mother, my ex has a 9-5 office job and is the only income. We struggle but we manage to get by. The division of labour was in no way equal, not with baby or household chores. Anytime I brought this up I was met with defensiveness, so I gave up. I stopped being physically affectionate and have felt distant, I checked out of the relationship. He eventually started pulling his weight but it made no difference to how i felt. I told him I was leaving, and told him why and he didn't take it well.
Since then (4 months or so), I am being bombarded. He keeps telling me I'm running from a happy, healthy relationship. That my trauma is entirely to blame (years of sexual, physical and emotional abuse as a child), and was triggered by something amd that caused me to leave. That I didn't try to fix anything and that I'm going to destroy everyone around me until I have nothing left. His supports are reinforcing this, and I feel like I'm going crazy. I'm questioning my own reality constantly. I started with a new therapist recently, and when I explained the situation from my side he does not agree with the assessment my ex has made. Could I be worse mentally than I think I am? Am I being manipulated and broken down until my ex gets what he wants? How do you trust yourself when there are so many people saying the same thing? There are many, many other horrible "truths" I've been told recently and I just feel so tired and beaten down.
I thought I was doing OK, I've had no flash backs until recently when i started bringing up my history in therapy, panic attacks are much less frequent and I haven't felt depressed until maybe the last 3 months of my marriage. I've felt what i think is genuinely happy since my daughter was born, I love being a mother. I found myself a part time job that pays well enough for us to get our own little apartment and even though its hard, and I don't have much of a support system I'm much more relaxed and present. The worst part of my week is when my ex picks her up and i have to see him or any time his name pops up on my phone. Am I wrong in thinking this has nothing to do with my trauma?
Any insights if you've been through something similar would be great. I'm really struggling