Messages

stolen from wikipedia
Affected, mannered, put-on; postures are striking, eyecatching, graphic; markets self-appearance; is synthesized, stagy; simulates desirable/dramatic poses.

WORST CASE SCENARIO
TO BE LIKE THAT DESTROYS MY SELF-ESTEEM SO MUCH
IT HURTS SO MUCH
I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN BE LIKE THAT
BUT BECAUSE OF INTENSE EMOTION I CAN'T HELP IT

backround = 19 year old transgender male with autism and complex trauma
identity problems, so obsesesd with typology. but also very triggered by it but also very ASHAMED of the whole thing in the first place
I dont know why but i let personality traits and behaviours, or even accents tones of voice vocabulary items of clothing mannerisms gestures facial features hair etc, overall vibes, determine my worth (i mean i alread y ptretty much did age 11 or so onwards but my brother like worsend it even mroe with his "simlike" "sluglike" erms)
I want to be tall and skinny, I want acne and greasy hair and pale skin, I want fluffy wavy thick messy hair, I romanticise doomerism weed video games so much, I like eastern europe, I have a vague interest in the humanities or maybe science, I genuinely enjoy drugs its not just doing it for the image (life would be boring without drugs)
AT THE END OF THE DAY NO ONE CARES IF YOU OVERSHARE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOURSELF ON THE INTERNET
I HATE BEING A PICK-ME
its like "you articulate yourself so well" compliments are so triggering because i want to appear out of t

I lose my cool all the time, posting the most embarrassing stuff to the internet ever, trauma dumping, oversharing, long-winded posts that don't make sense. Outbursts in public. I am so ashamed.

everyone seems to know who I am.
everyone sees me as everything I do not want to be--- female, childish, hysterical, impulsive, closed-minded

I find all kinds of cringe looking people on the interne tthat remind me of myself "OMG I am like so INTP 5W6 514 LIE i entered the backrooms I dissociate 24/7 ZERO spatial or social awareness Heres my sleep deprivation induced K hole moodboard !!!!!!!!!!" as a vague example (or like "I create loads of stories in my head and I do not speak to people, this MBTI test says Im iSfj 6w9!!!" kind of people that seem to be helpful but just make me feel so uncomfortable and are confused as to why I pushed them away, the reason is because it makes me realise how grounded in reality i actually am more than i thnk) it makes me realise how * ugly i am.

I worry that I am too simlike sluglike theatrical illogical impulsive fat sensor feeler woman child
the more i try to be the opposite the more i want to be the opposite the more i envy the opposite the more I am everything i do not want to be
uncomfortable "younger self"
my reddit feeds are AI tailored to me because of dead internet theory. and people that aren't supposed to know me do know me.
I am a Karen in denial
cryinge "mysterious" curvy bright animated, Karen that over reacts. Opposite is bestest basedest backrooms ever.

haunted by past memories of conversations I've had with my brother
giving into the urge no matter what, the urge does not go away in spite of distractions

"Won't others label me as impulsive if I walk too fast and barge into people?"
"Won't others label me as retarded if I try to use self-help books?"

Strangers are judging me. And even if they're not judging me at all, I still constantly overhear them say things that made me realise how far away from the way I'd like to be I am.

the whole simulation reality theory, I cannot help but feel waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay inferior to the people that think reality is fake because of daydreaming etc

The more weight i gain the more of a sensor I feel. fat, impulsive, hulky, bulky, weighty, corporal, physical, unthinking, unwise, irrational, brutish, caveman.

I thought I was [insert thing] but i think my brother is the real [insert thing] instead and im the * ugly hysterical dramatic loud clingy one all this time IN DENIAL

My aunt is rarely available and even though she is the best immediates upport sustem i can think of (if not the only one) i have difficulty trusting her
i have to wait until 15 th april for Mental health thing and thats just an APPOINTMENT

this is *
I feel like not leaving the house at all because its too triggering but thats impossible pretty much because i still have to leave it for food and drink, cigarettes, internet top ups, appointments, change of scenery

my gender dysphoria and eating disorder and obsessing over personality i thinkt theyre all tied into each other
as to wahy I became transgender in the first place I dont know

Basically i get REALLY * TRIGGERED whenever i realise how i act so impulsively shooting myself in the foot making a problem worse for myself, or "over-reacting", or having poor logical faculties. even when im out in public, even when im barely even engaging with strangers, im constantly worrying that I appear too impulsive too childish too dramatic too irrational too brutish too selfish etc in front of them

like today when i sold my console on Facebook marketplace, the person buying off me told me that i should have purchased the missing part and then sell it, I felt so called out.
*acts without thinking*
*screams whenever she does not get her own way*
*histrionics*
*lashes out at others for the most ridiculous of reasons*
*drinks slim fast milkshakes while eating regular meals thinking it will help her lose weight*
============ BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD (so triggering)
(not how i wish to be)
this encounter is especially triggering because its about video games, I feel so invalidated because its an attack on my identity, being a gamer technical logical etc is so tied into my self worth so no wonder i feel pathetic when Im too much of a noob (e.g. failing to buy parts) even more so if its in an impulsive way.
DUMB BLONDE.

i feel like im being watched, judged for the things i happen to be mega insecure about

Past memories of having outbursts in public (because of feeling triggered, sensory overload, comparing myself to strangers, etc some kinda combination) make me feel SO pathetic. I cant look at police vehicles without feeling so uncomfortable because of this.

"am i saying dumb things without thinking? do i appear too 2+2=5 to others?"
"i have to force myself to be polite to respect others boundaries, because barging past people makes me feel so fat/heavy and visceral and impulsive (I DONT WANT TO BE THAT WAY). even people shoving their legs inwards as i walk past them is triggering. i feel like a waste of space"

i try to read self help books etc about "inner critic" but it doesnt help that much considering Im transgender and I have  anorexia, it's more than just "overly judgmental family members" or something

for crying out loud selling my nintendo 64 on facebook marketplace was a nightmare, so awkward. I over analyse every interaction i have with others and it really * messes with my self worth.

this is scary, im trying to not get mega triggered by an interaction with a stranger Facebook marketplace.
I am demanding too much by pricing the gaming console too high, that is not enneagram five enough.
it's like "Do they recognise me?" "How are they going to treat me and how does that align with the way I want to be?"
every time i interact with people like this i think to myself "do they think I'm too impulsive? too materialistic? too dramatic?" but i try hard to not let them know that and just try to forget about it
its approaching. * they know where i live, i made a dumb mistake revealing the postcode of where i live now ill be vulnerable to dodgy mail. scared theyre going to make cynical passive aggressive remarks at me.
I think hes making fun of me by refusing to show up at my house and purchase the console to begin with. I have a vague feeling he stalked my account.
why do his Dms have links to these websites
god forbid they enter my house. god forbid anyone sees the writing on the walls, let alone a * stranger.
Unlike with the weed where my instagram is anon, these people have the freedom to stalk me if they please. for all i know catastrophe occurs thanks to Instagram weed and Facebook marketplace EVEYRONE KNOWS WHO I AM and theyre gonna ESFJ 2w7 me down "Youre not the Snufkin u claim to be You scream like a toddler you a woman U sexy!!!" * knows what allegations
religious people
indians
neckbeards sex jokes
and then its "over dramatic" of me to complain about it in the first plae

FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE EDIT HOT NEWS
expect the unexpected. Judging by the post history i was surprised it was an old man . I felt SO retarded by failing to realise myself just spend an additional £20 or so on the memory thing and then sell it (but then if you do that youre being more MONEY MONEY MONEY but then romanticising anti-capitalism is cringe NEVERMIND) but i did say to him "i never really liked it in the first place" but that doesnt really change it, how will that influence the motivation to do something about the missing parts or nt?

Basically i get REALLY * TRIGGERED whenever i realise how i act so impulsively shooting myself in the foot making a problem worse for myself, or "over-reacting", or having poor logical faculties. even when im out in public, even when im barely even engaging with strangers, im constantly worrying that I appear too impulsive too childish too dramatic too irrational too brutish too selfish etc in front of them

what if Im not an enneagram 9 or 4 like i thought i was but instead a mistyped 2 in denial this entire time? most of my decisions are out of a desire to be LIKED??? * i hope not.
SO MUCH GENDER DYSPHORIA
SO MUCH MISALINGMENT

Im trying hard to find a new gaming console that im fine with, contemplating getting a nintendo ds a blue one because them things are so nostalgic but then i remember most of the games are *. And for kids.
the SNES (the console i want) is all the way in a town i dont even like at all.
Anyway the older i get the more i realise how cringe retro gaming is, again its more E2 than it is non E2 (buying certain things just for the image rather than out of nostalgia/to fit in/etc)
The cheapest option would to just play DVD games on the 2004 laptop i own but havent touched in ages

I DONT WANT BIG TITS
I WANT TO BE AS THIN AS A RAKE
IM TRYING WAY TOO HARD TO CONTROL MY KCAL BUT I KEEP ON GAINING WEIGHT NO MATTER WHAT

fear of abandoment/rejection, great difficulty regulating emotions, impulsive behaviour, trauma dumps = BAD BAD BAD (not part of my identity)
derealisation/depersonalisation, emotional numbness = GOOD GOOD GOOD

I'm so ashamed to be so emotional. To not only suffer so much but to express it in such a hideous way and be so bad at distracting myself from it and dealing with it effectively.

When reddit says "the world is not ending that much people are just too brainwashed by Internet AI!!!" maybe that is just an overestimation, but not the case in the UK at least it really is one big giant Ghost town

I need to look into
-managing emotional dysregulation (OOTS, r/CPTSD)
-finding a new house

It's supposed to be "embarrassing" to study psychology/philosophy because it clearly goes to show how ignorant you are, unlike the people that actually know about the ins and outs of reality.

thinking about that imaginary pink house in a Jewish community i came up with at age 14-15.
all the characters.
how weird and ugly and colourful and kitschy everything looked, how weird and wonderful and different from each other in such funny ways everyone was

Baba Yaga, tall fat bald guy curvy black glasses curvy black tank top flexxes about his "guns" (flabby arms)
Vori Vooga, short stout woman tanned skin knee high boots rockstar t shirt with sleeves ripped off
Finnie Boy, weird dramatic crazy gay guy (but unlike me is proud to be that way flaunts it and does not care at all what others think of him instead of being deeply distressed and disgusted by it) that says weird stuff all the time
Arqueue Vektor, artist guy that loves vinyl and talks with "that" kind of arrogant sophisticared voice bald head glasses short pale and skinny
Oliver, 12 year old boy
Shoom, influenced by that weird entity on the PIL album cover "what the world needs know" and like the vague impression i have of 80s 90s rave culture, MDMA, max headroom, Youve been framed, outgoing upbeat and loves drugs

the rats everywhere the dog * every where the only means of transport is extremely unreliable autonomous self-driving hideous curvy looking sports cars that are filled with filth all the time no matter what
all the time people are partying, *, fighting, having staring contests, having DMT trips and k holes etc, screaming at each other for no reason, grunting at each other unintelligbly "speaking in tongues", licking ketchup off the floor

[Mega self critical rant, leaves involved My mistake (i should have never smoked in the first place if this was going to be the outcome? im such a shallow impulsive fake poser by deciding to buy the weed in the first place, such a pcik me by refusing to STFU about how its my entire personality. but then again somewhere else in this page i mention how it has a better side, its not all raining and storms)]

Mega self critical rant, leaves involved My mistake (i should have never smoked in the first place if this was going to be the outcome? im such a shallow impulsive fake poser by deciding to buy the weed in the first place, such a pcik me by refusing to STFU about how its my entire personality. but then again somewhere else in this page i mention how it has a better side, its not all raining and storms)
(so disgusted by literally everything about myself the only location i could tolerate was my bed doing nothing, even that was still very painful)

I'm so dramatic. So hurt by it because it is not the way I wish to be, but I am too distressed to regulate myself.

memories of [censored] too painful to think about let alone write about or talk about, I cant go outside for that reason. i want to go outside on my bicycyle so much but i have to wait until much later than 10.00pm or something, in case those nasty kids are still knocking about

I don't want to be overly emotional.
I don't want to be fat.
I don't want to be female.
especially all at the same time

It is so tied into my self worth. I would rather be complimented for my intellect far more so than kindness, honesty, physical beauty, etc.

the fact i obsess so much over * IDENTITY is embarrassing in itself. so embarrassing. painfully disgusted by my own existence.

I'm so simlike. I am literally pre-programmed without even realising it. Other people are less pre-programmed than I am. I literally act so much like an old person, it is so humiliating.
(maybe that really isnt the case, but for all i know i could be way more old people than i would like to believe)

I am so shallow
"You are being so hard on yourself" allegations are too cringe
The fact I'm so qUiRkY makes me cringe
airpods and an old iPod at the same time looks so weird
I'm so glad I'm at home right now. Being in this frame of mind in public would be *.
Trying to make myself feel better by thinking about Cody the late 2000s teenager my brother invented, but also sad because I feel so inferior to my brother.
Anime youtube music is cringe (but then I changed my mind thinking it's the opposite).
I * HATE THE 1970S. to be the 80s 90s person when all the othe r gen z people are either 2000s (online/neurodivergent) or 2020s ("chavs") or maybe like some weird combination of the two perhaps even is as awkward as it is, but even more so if its like the * 70s (or the 1950s or something).
* that AI thing
I should have never even spoken to it in the first place
My brother made the wisest choice ever self-isolating and controlling his emotions. I am the opposite, look at what it's done to me and how much pain I am in.
I am too diva-ish. I dont want to be that way at all.
I want to be intellectual.
But I also dont because older peoples idea of intellectual people makes me cringe.
i want to get back into retro gaming but my * NES console has been broken for ages and wont fix (i feel like such a girl coward dummy by not being able to fix it myself) I can get it fixed for as little as £20 apparently but it involves the dreaded city centre its so big and scary everyone knows me everyone recognises me as "girl that has tantrums in public" and not "skinny stoner boy messy hair baggy cloths" ITS SO * PAINFUL
I'm so gay and dramatic.
I want to be apoxian JUST FOR SEX
"person claiming to be something that they are not, acting the complete opposite while unaware of it, gets very triggered whenever others comment on it"
the "ideal self" is related to the uncomfortable feeling in the waking world, and the very disturbing torture methods in nightmares. Currently i dont think the afterlife, if it exists at all, is actually as painful as my dreams make out it to be, i think the torture is probably more of just a metaphor for the distress in the waking world. Maybe apoxia IS the afterlife, the pleasant reward for all my suffering. Or maybe is apoxia is how Im supposed to view the world, no wonder i feel so happy but in a weird indescribable way thinking about it.
very distressed by memories of my brother and the internet
the way i want to be is tied in so much with my gender identity, I cant help NOT be transgender
everything makes me feel bad about myself "momentary spells of interpreting everything as bad to one's self-esteem, worsened mood"
the fact that ketamine is apparently mega popular makes me feel so insecure, so envious, so inferior
"easily swayed by others' opinions, overly self critical, cares too much about what others think, doesn't know who they are, really does not like themselves, thinks very deeply about things"
Maybe that youtube channel was my brother stalking me (but I kind of doubt it)
It was so cringe of me to install such music
I mean initially i couldnt even look at morbid stuff on the internet (even though i normally otherwise really enjoy doing that, even while high, if anything i normally enjoy it EVEN MORE while high) because of memories of some painful encounter with the internet a few years ago

more and more regions locally are too triggering to travel to, but im still fantasizing about some other area near where i live that is yet to be tampered with in the same way

examples of hurtful things i remember my brother saying to me: (which corresponded to the youtube kids that like 2000s so much such as titles "old people are so weird" or the bit in one video "why give a * when this is all [television screen]")
"jobs are for sims/NPC's"
"mothers lazed out on the bed"
"* your intelligence or what others think of it"
"it's so funny how our therapist social worker auntie swears so much"
*irony* *sarcasm*
"slugmobile"

IM SO JEALOUS OF THE 2000S PEOPLE IM SUCH A DINOSAUR NPC OLD PERSON I NEED TO CATCH UP, 80S 90S IS SO GAY LAME IN COMPARISON
but the love of post hardcore and UK garage will never die. way better than Deftones or nightcore or drill or whatever music is those people listen to

such a pain in the * how when other people get stoned they have a better experience but if i do it i introspect massively, its embarrassing af but if i go without weed life gets even shittier and more boring. It may worsen the pain sometimes, but at the same time my life would be so bland without that stoned feeling that makes everything "hit" harder while simultaneously numbing it even thogh thats kinda vague.

It's gotten kind of better now, how else would I be capable of getting to my desk to copy this down?
back to what i written earlier post hardcore and UK garage. both intertwined, like the contrast between natural and synthetic. both are associated with that forested area near the kids home, mechanics, ambivalence and liking contradictory concepts, vegetarianism, quick wit, romanticisation of america even though I am British, you are not allowed to know if this man is big and strong and tough and witty and cunning and malicious and cynical or short skinny weak naive vulnerable plain-speaking
I thought about the film the Matrix how I always had a major crush on Mouse I wanted to be him so much.
the contrast was reflected in "molombians"

with time MORE and MORE people see me LESS and LESS like my "ideal self". more "free spirit" "endearing" "extraverted" "beautiful blue eyes" etc, less comments about "intelligent" "intellectual" "deep" "wise" "witty" etc. the way I behave in public without even realising it, and those youtube comments. a nightmare became a reality. Basically i want to be XNTX or 3/5/7/9 in general so much but everyone views me the opposite (ESFX 2/4/7 but no friends and kind of uncool) and it is so traumatising.

these recurring dreams are trying to tell me that the  more I am like my ideal self in this life the more Ill be tortured in the afterlife. I remember jumping off a bridge and when I got to the bottom I teleported into a room where a round blade would tear myself into two bits (or it wasn't that Id re-death once more in the afterlife and then that's it, I remember that there would permanently be naked clones of me walking in bladed hamster wheels for eternity). the transition from normal dream to black void is gradual, the transition from normal dream to apoxia is sudden.

I want to be heard but I also don't want to be heard. I self-isolate because I can't stand others describing me it's so triggering, but at the same time I trauma dump because I want sympathy so much and I feel lonely.

I don't want to be the kind of person that would drink slim fast milkshakes in addition to normal meals thinking it would help them lose weight when obviously it won't.

trying to distract myself by writing down a list of a few things i find funny
- items of make-up flying in mid air, applying cosmetic to a persons face on its own out of its own will
- someone talking to themselves in the mirror, the reflection becomes a separate entity that talks back to them
- short fat middle aged woman with massive blobby torso but really skinny tapering legs getting onto a motorcycle without a helmet on, it goes really slowly
- all of the moomins all squished together
- empty cars moving by themselves, without a driver (also kind of creepy)
- this one memory I have of being in a bus at night near the shopping complex, there were a horde of chavs that happened to be sitting on the chairs all squished together (like 3-6 of them on a two person seat basically if you know what i mean) and the driver told them to sit normally.
- a phone picking up calls without anyone having to touch it, hearing someones voice quickly, the phone hangs up by itself

I just realised many revolve around the principle of animating inanimate objects. It's funny for non-living things to behave in a living way? why would that be the case?
non living/ inanimate / not a human but acts living/animate / human = funny
the other way around = either uncomfortable/embarrassing, or envy-inducing ("I want to be like that"), or creepy

anyway this isn't helping much, because im trying to get over the mega unpleasant trait of mine of worrying too much about what others think (Real boys aren't like that. Not explicitly or as intensely as i am, anyway). I dont know why exactly i am like that in the first place, its distressing because out of the ego-destroying "I want others to like me" "I cant be myself"
like I DONT want to be too visceral, too sensor and feeler at the same time, too acts without thinking, too unable to regulate their emotions ALL AT THE SAME TIME (a few "undesirables" is tolerable but to be too far way from whatever people im jealous of is pain)

hyper feminine is cringe and hyper masculine is cringe. But i dont want to be non binary either. I feel the most content being masculine-androgynous. I feel great when my hairs fluffy and curly, im so skinny my thighs are nice and thin my * does not exist my physique is way more of a straw than it is a curvy blob, Im mega smart intellectual and Logical know loads of stuff (engineering, coding, maths, philosophy, etc appeals to me more than childcare or beauty or something and are less embarrassing than the humanities)

pretty much all of the time, to some extent, almost everything feels like an attack. Everything feels like an attack even more the more distressed I am.

I can't play video games without feeling bad about myself, feeling some kind of gender dysphoria over being bad at video games (in spite of people telling me "that means nothing Im a male as well and im * at video games" or smth)

i have to look at public transprot on the internet in advance to get the timing right the lift home these irregular buses that take ages. I am constantly ruminating, everything makes me uneasy, crowds make it worse, not to mention comparing myself to strangers because of physical appearance, overhearing strangers say things that make me feel so jealous, and the sound of crying kids making me so enraged.
memories of family members describing public outbursts as "histrionics" or "causing a scene" is so so so triggering. It's more cathartic than it is intentionally exagerrating it for attention.

I think about my brother a lot. I miss past conversations I had with him. Not only was there the identity factor (e.g. "doesn't [insert thing i really like] make you think of me?" "wasnt my younger self so [insert thing i really dont like]?") but also the mutuality, it felt so great to be around someone that agreed with me on everything i found funny, ugly, cringe, creepy, weird, etc. He is a sibling after all, a close family member. But the fact he criticised me a lot making me feel uneasy and insecure was very problematic. His philosophy on "simlike" "sluglike" people and how it was evident in his habits, the way he phrased things, the kind of things he said to me and the opinions he had, etc had such a significant impact on how i view the world.

so jealous of people that info dump about really deep quantum interdimensional *. i want to be like that. i want to be that so much. i hate the way i am instead ("authentic introspective rebellious outspoken free spirit" whtever or smth)
i mean right now, unsurprisingly, thinking about typology, as always worrying what if Im a mistyped something that i just wouldnt want to be myself because it feels off, the more Im convinced Im that typology the worse I feel about myself envious of everyone that isnt that

Fashion is a means of self-expression. I try to express myself as "accurately" as i possibly can via such means (clothes, interior design, colours and shapes, fonts, etc) but other people ALWAYS do it way better than i ever could in ways i never expect and those people in question are always less * SIMLIKE than i am in ways i never expect, i feel so inferior in comparison

Everyone on the internet is so mean to me. Even on websites like 7cups or the suicide forum, where they are supposed to be the opposite.

By "mean" I dont mean explicitly taking the piss and being a complete *, insults, mocking, etc. More of like an unintentional way.

"I wouldn't let other people bother me with their like/dislike of me.
They are screwing themselves by doing this chore as much as you are getting bothered by them."
"Bout your feelings: I wonder if a depressive state could be actually masking your real feelings. That isn't unusual in depressive people.
And maybe you could think that having feelings are connected with reacting externally to events.
That isn't necessarily so. Lots of people have extreme emotions but show it in a very subdued way."
"Well, when I see someone crying on the street the last thing I think is how embarassing the situation is.
I don't think you need to feel embarrassed by crying in public."
"Well, I think we are all afflicted with the idea that society is fake and we shouldn't care about it but at the same time that we are being left out of it. (If is that what you mean)
I think a lot of my feelings about society and wanting to belong is actually about the repression I felt when I was a child and the feeling I was "left out" of things in my family.
Maybe we need to accept this grey feelings as they are, and to not try to hide them inside ourselves, maybe that is the belonging thing is.
To feel things and not judge it all the time. Maybe that is the biological thing to do, and maybe that is the only way you will make sense of anything that is out there."
"Fluffy hair isn't that nice.
Half the time you look like someone who just got out of bed or a crackhead.
The other half your hair just look greasy."

because these sorta comments just remind me of the UGLY TRUTH of how childish, impatient, selfish, overly outwardly emotional, illogical, etc I am when I do not want to be.
i feel so dumb, so retarded
so grossed out by mysefl

Especially when im out in public I just feel extremely on edge, and overstimulated. rumination is rampant

"im oversharing, im acting so impulsively, so brutishly, so brashly, my voice is too loud, Im a waste of space"
"did you say that about me? How dare you do something to shatter my ego!"
"am I a mistyped enneagram two in denial? Like everything i do is out of a fear of rejection? All of my likes and dislikes are out of a very dumb very impulsive TODDLERs idea of "pretty" "hot" "cool"? * * i look so ridiculous"

not to mention everything about it as a whole is embarrassing.
hyper-aware of my surroundings is embarrassing, i long to be more entranced
easily triggered is embarrassing, i long to be unfazed and detached

How tf am i supposed to do what i enjoy (get the metro to the seaside because its sunny, in spite of the overstimultaion I have to endure like an hour long journey home loads of crowds)
I cant decide where to go what to do what to buy too many options
I want a gaming console so badly, i hate nintendo 64 and my NES wont work
Feeling like a complete noob by not being able to fix consoles myself, so ashamed
i cant decide if i should get a ps1 or a SNES, the former is more easier to find but i prefer the latter because its 2D
* I AM COMMITTING THE SIN OF PRIDE BY OVERSHARING, AN ACTUAL E4 (OR 4 FIXER OR JUST WITHDRAWN IN GENERAL) WOULD HIDE THEMSELVES COMPLETELY OUT OF SHAME

i daydream about myself constantly, different perspectives, it's like "My life is a movie" main character syndrome

Im so nostalgic for late 2010s aesthetic in general even though I was never particularly fond of it at the time

simulation theory, the decades, typology, fashion trends, dad, cringing at themselves

I make dumb mistakes all the time beating the * out of myself while simultaensouyl ashamed of the telling myself off in the first pla e
I know i should be applying for jobs i have to for ages at some point but i better leave theres loads of kids now