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Hey guys, offline life suddenly came a knocking and I have to put all my focus/energy there. Been very grateful for everyone's compassion and company. Take care! 

That's big droopsnoot 

Couldn't agree more 

Fantastic you got quality rest, San Hope the same again for you soon!

Ghibli is my go to for getting through dark times

And also all kinds of Jane Austen adaptations, especially the 1995 Pride and Prejudice BBC miniseries. 

Never felt more called out than by the 'Depression Barbie Commerical'.


I can recommend the horror comedy 'Shaun of the Dead'. It's good fun

Hey Gecko,

Also weighing in to let you know you're not alone.

I used to feel I was playing a part I hadn't signed up for. Everyone would tell me who I was, and deep down I knew it wasn't true, but I ended up playing along. I was explosive, rude, intense, difficult, and aggressive. All the things they said I was I became.

As others are saying keeping the journal will help. It can help you piece together the puzzle over time.

  I'm glad you were able to have a better night's sleep. It's very frustrating having broken sleep, hard for the body to recover, my fingers are crossed this DR listens.

Sorry you had such a strange dream  Sounds really disconcerting!

I think death dreams are meant to represent change, seeing as death is the greatest change of all.

Hope you'll feel better soon

Hey Sunn,

Glad you've had some time to digest things. Maybe when the dust settles people will come round, you never know.

Ofc it was all speculation on my part, but I don't think you have to be feel responsible for your friends feelings. It sounds like you did what you could 

Now you have time to focus on yourself. I found on reflection I just don't function well in group dynamics unless we have a common goal like being part of a club/group. Everyone is different, maybe you'll find this sad experience helps you figure out what suits you best

Hey Sunn, sorry you're having such a tough time atm  It sounds like you tried to handle this respectfully, and everyone took it personally. I really feel for you.

I have distanced myself from many good friends because of bad ones. I've also experienced a similar situation.

I can see why the group might have viewed your distancing as a rejection, and wanted to take control by rejecting you first.
I don't feel that to be a healthy, balanced reaction to you needing space. Maybe on reflection it will turn out it wasn't only to do with your past, but you had problems with the group itself. 

As for your close friend, their actions like trying to get you to talk to the group, focusing on it being a mental health crisis, accusing you of not liking them; it all speaks to insecurity. I speculate they're trying to reassure themselves they're not to blame, because they fear they are.

Some people just need a lot more reassurance in relationships. They really need to be told over and over again that it's not them, and that they're liked, and x,y,z. It can be hard work, but we all work a bit differently.

It might not be very comforting, but sometimes when things like this happens it just leaves space for something new. You have time to heal and maybe focus on what you'd value and seek in new friendships.

When something like this happened to me, it ultimately ended up that everyone else had baggage. It's not always the best habit to chalk it down to "it's not me, it's you", but sometimes that's the best fit.

 

1. Weather nice again.

2. Ate some strawberries.

3. Planted some seeds.

1) It's a beautiful, fresh day, and the sun is shining.

2) I got to try purple sweet potatoes for the first time. I've been wanting to try them for years.

3) Been reacquainted with some old books that were in storage. Didn't realise I missed them so much.

I´m proud of myself. 

 

That's incredible news, Dalloway. Well done! It's amazing you have been able to take the time to figure it all out, and now can be true to your calling