Messages

No words just 

Thank you !

No worries, Chart! (& I didn't say before, but it's really good you're able to focus on the future now Families are tough!  )

Yes, it's helpful. And also looking at things clinically really helps take the shame out of it for me. Shame really slows recovery down.

Hey Kizzie,

I would really appreciate being able to keep a journal in the private section.

Thanks

Speedy recovery Blueberry
I'm sure the aconite will manage, as lovely as they are when spread!

Thank you for the encouragement to be kind to myself. I need a day like that..

Phoebes, that's great! Hope you can cut yourself some slack, and have fun enjoying art 

What you said about this sense of responsibility is also really relatable. Learning to not always be the one doing the heavy lifting is something I'm working on.

I couldn't agree more with NarcKiddo about the 'fleas'. I feel I have a couple of narc traits, and they are something I'm trying to work through. I reason it would be strange to be in a house fire and not smell of smoke.

& NarcKiddo, I had to laugh at your self diagnosis. Very relatable 

Is it time now to nudge this thread from hibernation?

The sun is shining and I had my first proper look around. Lots of spring bulbs coming up, and at a glance no winter casualties.

I suddenly got in the gardening spirit, looked at the forecast, and rain for the rest of the week! Boo!

Well, plenty of time to make plans and look through my tin of seeds

(Seems I'm also part of the BPD diagnosis club.   I could never relate to it, and it was later dismissed.)

I am nodding along to what others are saying too. And as others have said, no N is going to ruminate, reflect, overthink and worry themselves sick THEN come to the conclusion THEY are the problem!

They make us feel 'wrong', and we worry if it's true. But their lazy narrative to excuse their poor parenting can kick rocks! 

I also can't stand eye contact. It makes me feel exposed. Everyone just thinks I'm shy!

Is it possible you just need a break? I mentally pinch myself black and blue all the time when overanalyzing relationships and social interactions. I don't think your average person is going to be doing that without a good reason. I also believe it's a symptom of CPTSD to have to explain yourself to others and find fault in yourself.

I don't know the backstory, but if it's not time-sensitive, is it helpful to focus on the past right now? You have other friendships to maintain, and it's great news you have a new friendship! That's exciting and positive! I don't know you, Phoebes, but it sounds like your friend is right, and you're being unnecessarily hard on yourself. Hope you can be kind to yourself today 

& I am not trying to give advice, but I very much relate to how you're feeling

Hey Chart    !

Ofc when the damage is done, recovery is another battle    I was advised to use this approach and even though a decade has passed, there are still NM supporters. But with old age the mask is slipping, time will tell 

Not an expert, totally clueless, a mess, but for the exercise it comes from The Crappy Childhood Fairy. It's free from their Healing Childhood PTSD workbook pdf.

I'm slightly reluctant to recommend them, but I found one of the free exercises useful: On a piece of paper morning and night you write down your fears, then your resentments, then your acknowledgment and acceptance of ridding yourself of these fears and resentments. I found scrunching up the paper and throwing it away, later to shred it, really cathartic. I was throwing away all my problems and starting a fresh day, and sleeping got a little easier.

I did a lot of other things during this time too. Meditative tasks, exercise, interrupting negative thoughts/fantasies; stuff that focused on the brain trauma. Maybe one or all of those helped, but I did notice that maybe because I could start my day feeling more present, I slowly became more present too.

Hey Stussy 7 You are not alone!

It's a really painful situation, and I'm sorry you're going through it. I understand your anger. I had almost no one but played the long game by turning up consistently as a grounded, drama-free person. I didn't need to defend myself with words, just by being consistent with my actions.

When fabricated stories came my way from my NM, I didn't react but took control of the narrative by being concerned.  'Wow, I can't believe they would say that, I hope they're doing OK?'

I struggled not to appear the victim, especially to N. It was extremely lonely, it took years, but I am now having the pleasure of watching family slowly distance and going NC with NM.

By not being their source of drama, my NM's fresh crusades have cost her validity, and even brought me closer to family members who have since become targets.

I'm sure not all narcissists are made alike. This was just my experience. With or without family support, I hope things get better for you 

Hey Zighy, welcome!

Thank you, Papa Coco It means a lot to know someone else had this problem they overcame. I'm really glad this place is helping you 

Thank you Kizzie, for everything you've said 

Praying my mother would slip up and break a bone to make it feel real. That was damage in itself. It's a relief to finally see things from an adult's perspective

Thank you so much NarcKiddo

As a child I would always hang up at the last minute when phoning a child abuse hotline. My parents' work indirectly involved vulnerable children, so I knew what horrific child abuse/neglect was. It wasn't a high-risk situation, and even though we once had a visit from social workers, in my area keeping a child with a dysfunctional family was a far better outcome than placing them in a home.

When I threatened to seek help, my parents would retaliate with the listed fall-out. So it wasn't allowed to be abuse for any of us, the price was too high. Although in reality I think the only consequence for us would have been getting some extra support.

In my head its been OK to maybe have CPTSD, but not to be abused. Reading this forum has been a real eye opener, it's great to finally not feel alone in these experiences

Yeah, I don't think it's uncommon. I used to get phantom feelings I couldn't make sense of.

When I first learned about CPTSD I'd been so irrationally angry all the time, I figured I was stuck in the 'anger' stage in the cycle of grief.

Once I began to focus my energies on moving out of that stage, I had a lot of repressed memories returning to me. Thankfully, they were mostly mundane things I can't recall now, but they gave me a better picture of my experiences. I don't think it could have happened had I not felt secure and been focusing on healing.