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I feel really awkward writing this because I'm afraid I'm just making this up, so I might delete this later.

There are behaviours during my childhood that, looking back, concern me, because I'm worried they were signs of being SA'd.

However I don't remember actually being assaulted; the closest thing I recall is only some weird comments by my dad that were innapropriate for a kid in my opinion. For example, 'You have long eyelashes. If you bat those, the boys will do anything for you when you grow up.'

Even if the behaviours didn't happen due to SA, how can I bring them up to my therapist? I'm very shy when it comes to talking about intimacy and I even don't really like to say words like 'sex' around others 😖.

This is just a quick vent for me

I always forget my nightmares after they happen, but lately there is something about them I catch for a second that I can't put my finger on. Like it's a forgotten memory trying to communicate itself to me, but I don't know what it's trying to tell me.

For a while I have wondered if I might have autism, for a couple of reasons, but a big one is it seems so impossible how people can just interact with each other and make friends so easily. It seems like I'm from another planet from everyone in the socializing department.

I also have other things that make me question if I'm autistic, but I'm not sure if they are strong enough to say for sure they are from autism. For example disliking loud noises, fidgeting around a lot, and liking routine.

I'm not sure enough about having autism to go and get diagnosed, though.

However I have read that symptoms of CPTSD can be similar to autism.

Are any of you guys autistic or wondered if you were autistic before, but found out it was CPTSD instead? How did you find out the difference? Thanks!

When I am in an emotional flashback / triggered, I really don't like to be reminded of my body. I won't go into the nitty gritty of why, because I will likely trigger myself again if I do, but it's not because I don't feel attractive - it's more related to not feeling like my body is strong enough.

Does anyone else have problems with their body like this?

Thanks for reading!

I've noticed that in therapy, even when my therapist is just telling me something about what I said, I'm so scared that I revealed I did something bad or messed up.

In therapy I mentioned that I had had some forgotten memories resurface, including one that was painful.

It's equally disheartening and hope inspiring, because my therapist said this is a sign of healing. I am gaining insight in her words into some things that have made me feel anxious and depressed.

I told my therapist I have been getting more energy, which is also a sign of healing she said.

I'm a little hopeful and a little triggered now. However the triggered feeling isn't as strong as it used to be, which is way better feeling.

I told everyone my plan. I showed up at the house and rushed him into the car and drove off while a bunch of people were yelling at me. No one knew where I lived at that point, so it was easy to keep my distance.

Hi, sorry for this out of the blue, did your family try to find you, like call the police or anything? Thanks

Just finished visiting my aunt with my mom. I want to go NC with my mom but I was kinda testing my aunt to decide if I want to maintain contact with her or not. She has never been overtly cruel like my mom but we don't have much of a relationship.

I realized throughout the day that they treated me like I was some inanimate object. My aunt often talked to my mom like I wasn't there. I initiated some talking with her, which she returned, but she never initiated talking with me, or asked me about my life or my hobbies or whatever.

And then when we left, my mom driving me home, she didn't even ask me what was my favorite part of the day or anything like that.

It's disheartening to realize all my close family members don't really take an interest in me the way I crave, or know me on a deep level.

No one really knows me truly. And it's hard to make sense of why they don't try to.

My family was extremely upset with me when I took the family dog... It was a challenge to navigate at the time

How did you end up taking him? Did you sneak him out?

One suggestion that came to mind regarding your dog is to book an appointment with the vet to find out what he needs to eat to stop the diarrhea. The vet or their tech can do trim his nails and clean his ears.  Then if you can afford it take him to a groomers to have him bathed. The he's ready to go when you do leave. When will you be moving? 

That's a good idea. My parents do take him to the vet to get his nails trimmed when they are super long, but they have to put him under a sedative 0-0 I'm for sure going to try to train him to accept nail trimming more, and I'm buying a dremel for his nails which hopefully he will like more than the normal clippers.

I'm planning to move either next april or later in the summer, still deciding, but for sure around next summer.

I finish college next April. My parents are going to help me get a car, thank God, and they pay for my apartment until August next year. I plan to tell them that I'm moving, and ask them to let me take my dog, with promises to let them visit or whatever (I asked recently if I could take him home, in a sort of joking way, and they were like yeah go ahead , because they love to make fun of him so much and despise him for some reason.)

Then, I'm going to drive away to somewhere my family will never know and I'm going to block them all and never see or speak to them again.

They have slowly began to neglect my dog more and more since we got him.

They let his nails grow long, with the excuse that he's scared of having his nails cut, and now he barely walks around, I fear because of pain. They never bathe him because he doesn't like it as well, not thinking to maybe train him to accept it. They feed him food they know gives him diarrhea because 'he's always done that, so it's normal'. My mom also loves to overfeed him treats. Then, at night he will bark for treats, and my mom will either give him some, or my dad will yell at him, and I recently saw him pinch him on the muzzle in response.

Anyway, they treat him like *, and I need to get him out of there while he still has life left to live. I feel so guilty I haven't done it sooner. I feel guilty that I haven't tried harder to help him. But I have to do something now, even if it's risky.

Do you guys have any advice? I'm looking for roommates in the place I'm moving, looking for jobs, and saving money. I am planning to get my drivers license abstract to transfer my license to a new one for the place I'm moving to. Also gonna come home every weekend to train my dog and strengthen our bond.

When I was in highschool, I was still able to get joy out of life and make friends. It was easier to get my assignments done on time and I was able to have hobbies as well.

Now I'm starting my last year of college soon, and I have been considered suicide many times during the past year, most days are grey and dull for me, and It's hard to get stuff done because of my executive dysfunction issues.

Has anyone else gotten worse as they got older? I feel like as a kid I was still able to feel joy and excitement, even though my parents would hurt my feelings sometimes. Now, even though I'm away from them, I'm going through a tough time, which doesn't really make sense.

To be honest, I have been feeling pretty awful all day today. I woke up with this panicky doom feeling in my chest, like I am on the verge of a panic attack. I get this every once in a while and it sucks every time.

I kept getting intrusive thoughts about something that has been bothering me for a while. I have had suicidal thoughts about it because it feels so hopeless.

Every time I got a thought about it the panic feeling would come back. It made it hard to think straight.

Anyway, all day I tried various things to calm myself, like exercises my therapist gave me to regulate my nervous system, and self massage, and exercising, and ignoring the thoughts. Now I am calmed down more but not completely.

Can anyone relate to feeling like this? How do you cope/get un-triggered?

For some reason, sometimes when I discuss serious topics in therapy I can't help but smile or laugh a little. Also, sometimes I will tell my therapist upsetting things that have happened to me with humor added, I guess because that's how I cope with bad stuff.

I feel like I might look a bit weird smiling and laughing talking about these things.

Does anyone else do this, and do you know the cause?

So a while ago I tried to post about my sister's behaviour on another place online. However, the mods didn't let me post it because they said the behaviour it was about was too serious for their platform to help and urged me to call an abuse hotline over her behaviour, which was honestly a confusing suggestion to me.

She's pretty bratty, but calling an abuse hotline wouldn't really be needed in my opinion. Most of the ones online that serve my area are targeted to women facing physical violence from their partners. I don't know what they would even do for me if I called. We don't live together anymore and only meet on school holidays (we are both in college), and I'm graduating soon and honestly won't see her again after that most likely.

However, sometimes I think about the mods and how they were urging me to call abuse hotlines, and how deadly serious they were. I'll post what I posted there and see if you guys think it necessitates calling an abuse line.

I wrote that she:

- Calls me an idiot when I ask her things sometimes

- Makes fun of the sound of my laugh or how I talk

- Pokes, tickles, touches me in ways I don't like even after asking to stop. The worst is smacking me on the butt.

- Begs to eat my food often, and when I say no often eats it anyway. I wrote that this has happened in front of my parents and aunt, and when I get upset at her, no one does anything to scold her.

I think it's annoying for sure but I could never see myself calling a hotline over it personally.