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I want to rip my heart out, it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

Good for you! So glad to hear your progress.

If you feel you are about to snap, you can always stick your fingers in your ears and sing "La, la, la, I can't hear you!"

It's my in-laws 68th anniversary this weekend. Their divorced son is flying north from the home of the woman he lives off and their divorced daughter is flying east to meet with them, the divorced son that lives with them and the son that lives close by with his wife, who's given up trying to get me to tag along with her to these family freak shows.

Just remember you can get through anything that is only temporary.

If she launches into her critical diatribe, ask her if she has made out her "living" will yet. Ask her if she has picked out a nursing home she would like to be sent to when she becomes unable to care for herself.

Perhaps it amounts to nothing more than the sowing of wild oats in the salad days of your youth. If you were my daughter I would tell you to "Get a job!" I know that's not so easy for anyone anymore, but try your best to become financially independent. If the men in your life can take you or leave you, dish that attitude right back at them. Develop other interests in your life. Go to career guidance section of your local public library. Until you get the job you want, don't discount waitressing especially if you're young and a people pleaser. I wasn't the best waitress, but I learned a lot about life working in the service industry. I recommend it to anyone with a good memory, a sharp wit and a reasonable tolerance of the public. Couch surfing is no way to go through life. The job I have now is not what I planned, hoped or dreamed of, but I have my own apartment and my bills are paid reasonably on time. Let these men fade into the background hum of your life and focus your attention on establishing your own independent financial security.

We are all anonymous here. You may ask whatever you please. You may not always get a pretty answer. Medicated as I am there is a tendency to let it all hang out. If not for my suicidal ideations, I would never have allowed myself to be experimented on like this. The x shrink wanted me on 200 MG of Sertraline QD. I have currently titrated myself down to 25 MG QD. Yes, it does effect my balance, eyesight, judgment, cognitive functions, ability to cry when socially appropriate, tinnitus, etc., etc. It's the least horrible SSRI or SNRI I'd ever been prescribed. I had really hoped I could stick with it, but falling at my age is too dangerous; especially since I'm a childless, orphaned, widow and my only sister is dead. The last time I broke a leg I had to hop up to my third floor apartment on one leg with my groceries strapped to my back. It's just lucky for me I'm in the habit of stocking up on kitty litter in-between falls.
I need to take the Spartan Life Coach course on assertiveness so I can deal with this interpersonal crap. I briefly investigated NLP, but found it's reliance on the use of grammatically incorrect sentence structures annoying to the point of uselessness. Richard Grannon gets away with it by being  entertaining, but even he admits to having reservations about NLP. I don't intend to delve too deeply into NLP, perhaps just because of it's reliance on mutilated grammar. I may just get a copy of the Dummies Guide to NLP  so I can be alert to others trying to use it against me.

you are already on the right track with working overtime. That was my number one go to response. Drinking helped me not give a sh*t. I have since gone no contact with most of my in-laws and I no longer drink. If I choose to attend an event where I suspect they may be, I take the precaution of surrounding myself with emotionally supportive friends. The old safety in numbers ploy. Also I arrive when I please and leave at will. As this is your residence she'll be visiting I hope your husband does stick up for you. When she is hurtful, you could always just say "That was hurtful!" You don't have to blow a gasket but likewise you don't have to let her get away with being evil. If she tries to dismiss you by saying "Oh, sorry." Tell her if she was sorry, she would not have done it.

Not yet, but I do watch his videos. I'm not the only one here that posts links to his YouTube videos. Maybe someone else will see this and get back to you. I haven't even read the Pete Walker books yet. Right now they are on my list of things to get around to someday along with Neuro-linguistic programming. This list just keeps getting longer. I'm working full time and heavily involved in volunteering. Working is important because, money. Volunteering gives me personal satisfaction and a growing sense of purpose. Keep us updated on your experience with the stopping emotional flashback eBook. I have EFs from *. They even get me in trouble with other members here. I don't know why I keep reading threads with "TRIGGER" warnings, but I do. I think the Spartan Life Coach calls it an addiction to drama.

For better or worse, yes I got my meds. Yesterday taking a step backwards I lost my balance and fell. This morning going down the stairs I've gone down every morning for the past 9 years, I missed the last step and fell again. I'm covered in bruises and my new doc is seriously concerned about my meds. He wants me going back to a neurologist he can confer with.

My x shrink exacerbated my suicidal ideations. Not being a mind reader, his agenda is beyond my powers of deductive reasoning. Someone you recommended to me has this to say about that: https://youtu.be/F6J7z0608OU

My new shrink is on vacation and I needed a doctor to call in my non-refillable meds. I left a message at the desk and halfway through group therapy I got a call from my X shrink saying he would contact the pharmacy for me and that he had enjoyed working with me. I said thanks and refrained from returning the complement. It felt awkward. I had passed him in the hall earlier that day and not acknowledged him. I remain unskilled in the art of B.S.

Just found out my new manager has 3 years till retirement, then I get prove myself all over again, that is if I still have a job. I'm sure I asked this somewhere before but can't remember where; who are these so called normal people anyway and who appointed them to the grand exalted state of "normal." More and more I find myself replacing the D in cPTSD with an R for "Reaction." It's the people that don't react to trauma that I'm suspicious of.

I have titrated down to a very low dose of the SSRI that had made me so very nauseous. As of yet, I'm having trouble getting back into the healthy eating habits I had established before this psych med messed me up.

I'm down to 25 MG QD Sertraline now and still have a noticeable amount of ringing in my ears. Although at 25 MG it is no longer deafening, more just annoying. I hope it continues to fade away as the last little half life of Sertraline molecules metabolize out of me. Likewise my vision is less blurry as the Sertraline is reduced.

Thanks for the insight. That's something to take into consideration. I want so badly to get out of the city and settle into some nice quiet bucolic local. Your revelations have me reevaluating my conceptions of the rural life.

your dream interpretations were insightful and inspiring. I hope your dreams continue to help you progress.

That's not how his game works. Flipping from love bombing you to eviscerating you is how he keeps you off balance, confused, STUCK! I used to talk in my sleep too. In affect I had no secrets from my husband. He's dead now and has taken all my secrets to his grave. When I consider hooking up again, one of the top ten questions I have to ask myself is "Am I ok with this new person hearing what I say in my sleep?"