Messages

I was sexually abused, and keep it at that.  When all of you say you were raped, it invalidates the memories of my own experience.  Like, why should I have cptsd when these people were actually raped?  I was just abused as a child, sexually, in a closet.  Then blamed for it by my father.  Still, it doesn't touch rape.

That's what I hate seeing rape.  It makes me want to go do something horrible that I deserve, because I'm such a whiny effing c*nt.

Yup.  Hands and fingers, since 4th grade.  I remember cuz I got a skin rash and picked at it.  I bit my lip, so did my Mom.  Sucks.

Wow.  Those words from your inner critic were spot-on.  That's exactly what they say to me.   We force ourselves to be positive at work, and it's all fake. I have a co-worker who is so critical of me that I want to quit, so I cut myself insteAd.  Unhealthy, I know... But I've sent out four emails in the past 2 days where no one has got back.

I moved here a year ago to an in patient unit.  I have my husband, thought i don't know what he sees in me.  I have no friends.  My family is with me out of guilt.  I don't know why I'm here.  It baffles me.  Id rather be dead than deal with this terrible coworker.  My own Rabbi hasn't written back.

* it. No rainbows.  This is how it really is, I type with one wounded hand.,

Alice97, you are NOT alone. This might not sound very encouraging, but I've been dealing with wake-up anxiety attacks for 2 years now.  They started like yours, lasting for hours until I thought they'd never end, I'd be in tears.  I'd even force myself to the gym and while I was exercising, I was okay, but it came back after.  I felt like myself around 3:00ish.

There's hope.  I've been seeing a great psychiatrist, who prescribed Prazosin for my nightmares, and 1mg clonipin an hour before I wake up (I set my alarm).  That's how long it takes for the drug to enter my system.

I hope that one day I won't need prescriptions.  As of now, I wake shaky once or twice a week. I also got a job at Starbucks because it gets me moving and out of anxiety at 5:00am.  It's a pay cut, but worth downsizing for my mental health.  I'm also running 5k every other day:  that helps too, sheer exhaustion.

I registered bc I saw your post and had to get back!  You aren't alone.  Meds aside, the 5ks and Starbucks saved my sanity.  Maybe they can help you?

Thinking of you, Alice97!  You are not alone!

Laure