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Hey thanks, guys!  I will definitely check those out.  Been doing okay lately, but I am on summer break so I haven't had to interact with people besides DH very much  :big wink:.  I am hoping this next school year I can really conquer this anxiety and be the very best teacher and worker that I can be.

Jdog - I had tinnitus for a few years, severe pinching inner ear pain and what I felt was moderate hearing loss (the doctors also said that my hearing loss was very small) which included some weird echoing.  I also had some vertigo and dizziness too. 

I went to an ENT, who did a lot of tests on me and at first suggested that it could be acid reflux ( ).  I took Prilosec which did nothing. She tested me for autoimmune diseases like Meniere's, etc. which came back negative.  Then she suggested it was allergies.  So I went to an allergist who did tests and what do you know?  I am severely allergic to various types of grass!  The allergist said it was allergy-induced eustachian tube dysfunction.  I started taking Zyrtec every day and pain has gone away, my hearing has come back, my tinnitus is gone and I don't have dizziness anymore.  During the severe allergy season, I also have to take fluticasone nasal spray and try to get it up into my eustachian tubes (no easy task  ) to keep the symptoms at bay.

Have you ever had any allergy tests done?

Will do!  Nothing yet, and it is really ringing today.  I am wondering whether the increase in volume which occurs at times (like now) is a symptom of being triggered.  Maybe the body knows before the brain?

Thoughts, anyone?

Hi everyone, I put an intro posting in the welcome board, so please excuse any repetition and sorry for the length...  I am about 1 year out of a NPD/BPD situation during which I worked in the family business.  My single mother passed away when I was a kid and I was raised by my close family members far away from the rest of my extended family, who I did not get to know very well.  I have an ex-step aunt (not sure what to call her, her father was married to my grandmother at one point but they divorced and she is not related to my mother by blood).  I do recall that my mother did not like this particular aunt and no one in my close family spoke to her, but she reached out to me many, many times and was very pushy.  I always declined but she persisted and seemed nice.  I should have listened to my gut and remembered that my mother and family did not speak to her for a very good reason.  Hindsight...

I was working in education before this for about 5 years and got a little burnt out on teaching.  So, my BPD aunt suggested that I work for my NPD uncle (her husband) who is an attorney and I worked in his law firm.  Very quickly, it went down hill.  They spied on their workers, belittled them, controlled them, took credit for everyone else's hard work while just criticizing people all day, paid their workers late, and texted me constantly about work, even on my wedding day!  They are very covert abusers and he uses his business as a platform to stroke his ego and find new narc supply.  He is the most masterful gaslighter I have EVER known.  Once things went south, his wife stalked me for quite a while until I got cameras outside of my house.  She tried to involve my DH and my in-laws, but thankfully, no one took the bait.  I worked there for 2 years, which were 2 of the worst years of my life, before I finally got out.  I should also mention that their adult daughter is also no contact with them for the same reasons that I am.  Many other workers have crashed and burned while leaving their business, as well.

During those two years, I became severely depressed, suicidal and suffered from debilitating anxiety.  Just the sight of them or the mention of their names could cause my body to enter into flight mode, which was rough since I had to see them EVERYDAY.  I didn't sleep at night.  I sought therapy, medication and almost lost my FOC during that time because things were so rough.  I left the business and went completely no contact.  In fact, I cut off everyone who might give them information, including other family members.  It was the worst time in my life and I am just so thankful that I got out alive.  I went back into education where I belong (phew) and it was the most life changing thing for me, to work somewhere where I was treated like a human being who has worth and is trusted!  Wow.  I am so grateful. 

Fast forward to now.  I feel that I have always had some social anxiety, specifically worrying that I might have said something to someone that offended them.  But my PD experience brought in a severe inner critic, and dropped my self esteem to nothing.  I am still so amazed that these two people could do this to a person.  Funnily enough, my students are the easy part!  The rest has been hard.  I made it through my first year back in education pretty well, but it took a LOT of encouragement from myself to make it through socially with my coworkers.  I still have doubts about my standing in the workplace because I always worry that people are disappointed in me, dislike me, etc.  I would worry about saying the wrong thing, about offending someone and especially about saying or doing the wrong thing in front of my boss.  But the worst part for me is thinking back to prior interactions and obsessing over them, tearing them apart and trying to figure out if I did something wrong.

I am going to an out of town conference for 3 whole days with ALL of my coworkers, including my boss, in a few weeks.  And my anxiety is ramping back up because I haven't seen any of them for 3 weeks (summer break) and I am worried that once again, I will mess up.  There have been a few times where I think I have actually messed up but not badly.  Once, my boss did get very angry at a few of us and let us know.  I apologized very sincerely, but I still worry that she thinks negatively of me.  And so here I am, freaking out. 

HELP!  I have read so many self-help books by now, probably at least 50 (not kidding), worked through workbooks (CBT, DBT, etc.), went to therapy for 15 months and take medication for my anxiety, but I just can't stop the worrying and obsessing.  I exercise regularly, find distractions when I am anxious but I am beginning to worry that my anxiety will just get worse as I get older and that I won't be able to do anything to improve it.

Anyone been through this?  Any advice?  Commiseration?   

Hi Everyone, I am a long time reader and out of the fog member.  I have been meaning to come over here and join the CPTSD forum.  I had a childhood of neglect, abandonment, an alcoholic mother who eventually passed away due to her addiction and a life of PD abuse from my NPD brother, and eventual abuse from my NPD uncle who became my boss for a few years and his wife, who is my BPD aunt.  I developed severe anxiety while I worked in their business, got IBS and suffered a terrible depression unlike any I've ever known before.  I almost lost my FOC due to that depression.  I left the family business and have been NC for 11 months.  My life is SOOOO much better.  I love my job and my FOC is going much better.

I went to therapy for about 15 months and I have been out of therapy for about 2 months now.  Somewhere in there, I read the Highly Sensitive Person by Aron and realized that I am one.  My T thought I had CPTSD from my childhood, the death of my mother, my brother's NPD abuse and then the soul-sucking abuse, gaslighting, manipulation and use as supply by my NPD/BPDs.  Currently, things are going great, but I still suffer from anxiety and trouble interacting with my in-laws and coworkers due to my social anxiety.  I have debilitating social rumination and a terrible inner-critic that I am working on and I'm hoping to find people who understand my struggle in a way that others cannot, including my DH.  He comes from an amazing family, although they have problems and dysfunction of their own.

Nice to meet you all  .