Messages

Thank you, It feels comforting to be here.

Due to self destructive behavior, I lost the right to be a mother not only once, but twice. My ex husband got full custody of the 3 children we had together ( B/G twins, who were taken from me at 5 months old in 2007, and a 8 year old daughter who was taken from me in 2013)  because I couldn't fight for them. I gave up like, they didn't matter to me. They live in another state and I have not had any contact with them, and have no way of contacting them. I miss them so much, but if I had a way of getting into contact with them, I would have to deal with my ex, and that is a major trigger for me. What kind of mother am I? Not going after my kids because I cant handle my ex? I now have a 15 month old girl, and I feel this is my chance to do things right, but I feel I am going to eff up again. I dont know what to do.

A lot of the time, going outside is a struggle for me. I feel vulnerable and exposed.  When I do go outside, I feel like my body is here on earth, but my mind is off in some other realm. This also happens when I'm around people.

Hello,
I'm new to this site. I am a wife and a mother. I was diagnosed in 2008 with CPTSD but not treated. Here is my a bit of my story. I grew up in house where not only were my parents (mother and step dad) addicted to meth but so was my extended family and mostly everyone else they knew. I've encountered neglect, physical, sexual, ,emotional abuse, and severe bullying at home and school. This in turn has affected me, in that I have been severely self destructive in the past and I often have a "what now, or whats next" negative type of mentality. I have trust issues, I'm always expecting something bad to happen, someone to screw me over. I need to move forward and heal. That is all I will say for now. I'm optimistically cautious to be here.