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Oh. Im so sorry. I promise I genuinely mean thank you. I am so new to this site and I'm learning so much from reading other people's topics, but I don't really know what I am doing or the protocol.

I can't thank you enough for responding so quickly, making me feel welcome and helping me figure out the map of the land. I haven't really shared my story with people outside of my therapist, so I can't tell you how comforting it is to have had someone read it, and be very nurturing in their response.

I'm sorry about asking for advice and thank you for gently guiding me back in the right direction about this forum.

I shall definitely give that book a read. I read one particular article by Pete Walker that has already really helped.

This is my first post on OOTS. So I don't know if this post is right, but I'm just going to go for it.

Three months ago, I broke up with my ex, and, curious about what a friend had said, I started googling and came across articles that talked about emotional abuse when you have a narcissistic partner. It so accurately depicted the journey I had been through that I vomited and stopped eating for the next week.

I went on to learn about the narcissist cycle, radical acceptance, mindfullness, coping through meditation, but most importantly, I learnt that the only person who can change me is me. I was on the up. I was doing so much better. And then I ran in to him and it all fell apart. None of these new strategies helped and I spent the next day in the bathroom dry retching and crying.

I then stumbled across an article about C-PTSD. Again, it seemed so accurate. I spoke to my therapist about it, and she suggested that yes I did have C-PTSD. That my C-PTSD was due to my childhood consisting of emotional neglect from my narcissistic father, watching my mother struggle with alcoholism and having medical trauma from getting 3rd degree burns when I was 12. And, this new trauma with my ex, had brought up my C-PTSD. And now I realise that he is a trigger for me.

So here I am. And I'm not sure where to go next. Understanding that my brain has problems with certain fears, and wants to react by fight, flight or freeze has helped immensely. But where do I go from here? EFT (tapping)? Journaling to find your inner child? I am worried I have googled too much and now overwhelmed with information, that I don't know which step to take next.

As I am prone to panic attacks, I am also worried that if I do take another big step, then I will discover some truths that will ultimately lead me to healing, but with the side effects of having a panic attack on the way there.