Hey all,
This is my first post on the site, and I'm excited to be connecting with others who understand at least to an extent what I am going through. I just turned 21 years old and I grew up in a household with a borderline mother and a narcissistic father. My younger brother is in complete denial about the abuse in the family, largely due to how much I personally defended him against the abuse. My sister idealizes them, which makes me cringe (actually cringing as writing this). My entire life up until this point, I've allowed them to bully me, harass me, and lay all of their own emotional issues on me.
Over the summer before the recently ended semester (college student), I was eating 1000 calories a day for two weeks in order to save up money to pay for getting my stuff to school; they knew that I did not have money and were using that as leverage to get me to submit to their demands. I got through the summer, and got solid grades at school. But, now at home, the abuse continues. I told my father that if he did not agree to me having a basic set of human rights, then I would not speak to him ever again. He responded by telling me that I have rights, but because he funds my daily living, I have none. I persisted that I will not communicate with anyone who does not acknowledge that I have rights.
Recently, he withdrew me from school. In conversations he has stated that he thinks I'm the bully in the situation. He literally has no clue that what he is doing to me is abusive and neither does the family. So, I am 21, have a little over 10,000 dollars to my name, and am most likely in the coming days moving out of the house to find work somewhere. I am afraid, and the thought of this often sends me into a flashback. But, I've realized that I don't have the option to stay. I cannot perpetuate the cycle. It is not my fault that I have to do this, but I must. To anyone who might be reading this, I thank you for taking the time to hear me. Even the thought of my voice being heard makes me hopeful. Thank you, and although I do not know you, I love you.
This is my first post on the site, and I'm excited to be connecting with others who understand at least to an extent what I am going through. I just turned 21 years old and I grew up in a household with a borderline mother and a narcissistic father. My younger brother is in complete denial about the abuse in the family, largely due to how much I personally defended him against the abuse. My sister idealizes them, which makes me cringe (actually cringing as writing this). My entire life up until this point, I've allowed them to bully me, harass me, and lay all of their own emotional issues on me.
Over the summer before the recently ended semester (college student), I was eating 1000 calories a day for two weeks in order to save up money to pay for getting my stuff to school; they knew that I did not have money and were using that as leverage to get me to submit to their demands. I got through the summer, and got solid grades at school. But, now at home, the abuse continues. I told my father that if he did not agree to me having a basic set of human rights, then I would not speak to him ever again. He responded by telling me that I have rights, but because he funds my daily living, I have none. I persisted that I will not communicate with anyone who does not acknowledge that I have rights.
Recently, he withdrew me from school. In conversations he has stated that he thinks I'm the bully in the situation. He literally has no clue that what he is doing to me is abusive and neither does the family. So, I am 21, have a little over 10,000 dollars to my name, and am most likely in the coming days moving out of the house to find work somewhere. I am afraid, and the thought of this often sends me into a flashback. But, I've realized that I don't have the option to stay. I cannot perpetuate the cycle. It is not my fault that I have to do this, but I must. To anyone who might be reading this, I thank you for taking the time to hear me. Even the thought of my voice being heard makes me hopeful. Thank you, and although I do not know you, I love you.