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I couldn't care less what people enjoy doing sexually, as long as it takes place between consenting adults. But it sounds like your sexual activity might have been harmful for your wife.  Maybe she wanted to make you happy, but did so at her own expense.  She may have thought she could handle it, but found she could not.  We can't know because we haven't heard from her. 

From what you've written, I would talk with your wife and find out what she needs right now - for example, might she need separate sleeping arrangements?, no touch at all, right down to a pat on the back, unless intitiated by her?, keeping to separate parts of the house or separating completely for a while etc.?  It sounds like trauma has been triggered and she might need to explore how she can feel in control of her body, mind  and her life.

Does your wife have a therapist she is discussing this with?  Could you show her what you have written and the replies, and support her in getting her psychological needs met and feeling safe?  You might also benefit from being able to talk openly about your relationship.  Maybe once she has clarified what she feels and needs you could have counselling together.

Some questions for you to think about:
Were you manipulative and emotionally abusive?  Did you override her feelings to get what you wanted?  Did you manipulate her, rather than mutually and freely agreeing to what took place?  You mention "violent conflict" but don't elablorate.  If you are talking about trying to force BDSM, even it has previously been a consensual pattern - yes that is highly abusive.  It doesn't matter what has transpired in the past.  No means no - period.  (I apologise if I have jumped to a wrong conclusion).

...She was open and accommodating for some of that time,... 

This doesn't sound mutual, it suggests she was going along with your desires.  You don't say anything about "enjoying".  Were you "accomodating" anything for her?  Did you even clarify what she did and didn't want and enjoy?   We can't know and you don't go into detail and that's your right.  A lot has been written about true consent, emotional safety, and kink.  Have you explored this issue? 

Dee is kinder than me in her response.  I hope you can repair your relationship with the woman you love, if that is what you both want.

Radical, thank you for the response.

It was harmful to my wife, but it was not immediately obvious to me that this was happening. There was no violence or unconventional behavior. It involved third parties. The manipulation involves, primarily, an indication that this was a requirement for me sexually, and some references to "other people have done this, and it was pretty awesome".

I have a manipulative streak, there is no doubt about that, its part of upbringing and the person I am . Earlier in life I would have called it sales, but now  it's part of the changes I have made because i do want to be better.  Emotionally abusive? No, I just made it clear it was what I wanted from anyone I was in a relationship with. There was never any physical coercion or emotional abuse/beration  for anything. Violent conflict refers to punching walls, throwing things, breaking glasses, etc. It does not refer to any sexual act, besides what I cringingly refer to as "mild sexual abuse" by my wife.

We are in therapy. Individually and together. She has enunciated what she needs very clearly, but the results are inconsistent when enacted.

...She was open and accommodating for some of that time,... 

The progression
* yes, I'll Try anything once..
Sure okay
Ehhhh
* no

I appreciate your response. I will look into "True Consent" and the other issues you have outlined. I am mainly concerned with a the likelihood of a successful therapeutic outcome where we can get back to a state of trust ( and not to resume said behavior, just a very conventional sex life)

Three Roses. Thank you for the response.

Dee,
thank you for taking the time to reply. We have been to therapy, individually and together, and as long as I am PERFECT, things seem to be fine. I'm a real human being, and I screw up sometimes.

I know that at some point, PTSD sufferers need to take responsibility for their own triggers or reactions. When and how I guess is a topic for therapy.

I need some help. I am married to the woman I love and we have been together for 5 years. In the first couple of years, we engaged, in a consensual fashion, what can be called a "fetishistic" love life. She was open and accommodating for some of that time, and increasingly less interested until she put her foot down and said she wouldn't do it anymore. After that, we had a period of increased levels of sometimes violent conflict, with the resolution that our sex life is much more conventional, and now we are trying to sort through ways to communicate and be healthier in all aspect of our relationship.

Please spare the judgement. I have acknowledged that I was, a best, selfish, and at worst, manipulative and emotionally abusive. She has a history of some other abusive relationships, including her father and an ex boyfriend. My question is essentially, if I am the source of her C-PTSD, does she have any hope of recovery while she is with me? Or does she truly need to strike out on her own and deal with it free of my influence. I am not looking for definitive answers, just strong indicators of successful treatment for her.

It should be said that her stated desire is to be with me and she loves me and is very happy, but I also understand this is a complex issue. I also want to stay with her and make this work, but not at the expense of both of our happiness.