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That makes a lot of sense Sienna...we do still need to get that attachment and care, even if we have to imagine it

where you said "We never reach out to others to soothe us", that is so true for me! I struggle with reaching out for help, it didn't occur to me that reaching out was an option a lot of the time, it's still a hard concept for me to get my head around.

I agree that sometimes we need the security blankets and coping methods of our past, at least until we can learn other, healthier ways of self soothing, which is a long process.

I've been noticing fairly recently that I am often dissociated, or "running on auto-pilot" much of the time when I am around other people. It is noticeable with the whole forgetting names thing, which I do even if I know the person well, and I definitely know their name but I am too dissociated to be able to "reach" their name. I've done this with good friends, family members etc...it's not really that I've forgotten their name at all, it's just like their name is stored in a different part of my brain in that moment, and I'm too much dissociated or in flight/fight/freeze mode to be able to access the part of my brain that holds that information.

I also "check out" when being hugged, and that's a good reminder to be more mindful and try to get used to hugs or talking with people who I know are safe. I think I'll look into some ways to be more mindful as I go about my day.

I do this a lot too. Have always done it for as long as I can remember. I was left to entertain myself a lot as a child so I guess I would retreat into my imagination to pass the time, and make life bearable. I have some "stories" that I imagine again and again, although the characters change. I have whole conversations in my head, sometimes enough that I will burst out laughing at some funny thing that was "said". I know it's all imaginary and none of it is real. It just helps me, sometimes feels like a security blanket of sorts, something that can take me out of my current situation, and I can be anywhere I choose.

I am in therapy for CPTSD, and am working through all my issues. I do try to limit my daydreaming and work on my real life, but it's still something I go back to. I guess it is also a way to have relationships, to tell my story etc... in a way that is risk free to me. Sometimes I can even work through issues by talking it through in my head, as if I were having a conversation with someone else.