Messages

Hi Monriss,

Discovering cptsd was both one of the biggest reliefs and one of the most overwhelming things I have ever experienced. You are definitely not alone.

I have delved into my situation quite a bit more in my recovery journal (through the looking glass to trigger town). As the name implies, quite a bit there might be triggering but I do label my posts to ease you in. Through intensive therapy and reading everything here I could stomach, I have had several breakthroughs about why I cheated and how it links to my past traumas.

If you're like me you'll want to race through things to get back on track. Unfortunately recovery will be slower than you want but the progress you can make by just slowing down and trusting yourself is huge. I found it all very scary at first. It still is but now it's more manageable. I found that naturally I progress into new territory when I am ready to. My body has done a good job protecting me from pain I wasn't yet strong enough to confront. I have also committed to me being my main priority and that has allowed me to learn about myself in ways I never could when I was focused on others.

You will be ok. Make sure you spend some time setting up some kind of care routine as that will be the main thing that helps you through your recovery work. There's a wealth of great perspective in this community. Glad you found it.

Thank you

I am having very similar issues. I'm only 21, about to get divorced, staying at another guy's apartment. I just diagnosed myself with C-PTSD after a lot of research because I have almost every symptom. I feel better knowing whats happening to me, but I'm really scared, and I just feel like I don't know what I'm doing. I am in therapy twice a week right now. Please talk to me if you see this reply. I need someone to relate to. I feel hollow like a fake person or something.

It often makes me feel isolated that others (particularly people I feel close to) cannot seem to understand my feelings. But, I know it has been very difficult to understand myself. I can't expect other people who have not experienced trauma to know how I feel, especially when I am still so confused myself. It is also very tiring to try and explain something so complicated. Unfortunately I'm pretty new to this and don't have much advice, but I feel for you. Best of luck.

Hello and welcome, Monriss! We're glad you're here.   

More than a few of us have felt a sense of relief when we find an explanation for things that bewildered us. You're making perfect sense. .

If you go here http://www.pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm I think that will give you some immediate relief. That site has tons of rely helpful info.

Welcome to our little community! We're happy you've found us. 

Thank you. I didn't even know I was having flashbacks because my memory is so spotty. I'm learning so much about myself every day now. It is proving to be exhausting, but comforting.

Hi, I've been going through a rough time lately. I cheated on my husband a couple months ago, and I could not figure out why I did that. I was very unsettled with myself this time, even though I have cheated in the past. I started thinking and realized I got married for security and to try to escape. I knew something was going on with me, I had no idea what. So I researched relentlessly until I came across an article on c-ptsd and realized I have nearly every symptom listed. I finally understand why I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. I had no idea all of the symptoms were related. I assumed there were just a million things wrong with me. I never even realized I was dissociating until I began trying to figure out what happened in my marriage. I don't remember where the trauma started, only that more and more traumatic events kept happening in my life as a child and I was neglected when I should have been supported. I've felt this way for at least 16 years now that I remember. I'm 21 now. I explained things to my husband, and he was understanding and tried to be supportive, but it was overwhelming for him. I understand that. I'm trying not to hate myself or feel excessive shame. I am about to be divorced at 21. I have a plan to get through this and started seeing a therapist. I stopped caring about taking my antidepressants months ago and have become very inconsistent because I don't believe they are working anymore. But I'm afraid to try anything new because I think I need to feel my pain a little bit at a time to get through it. Does any of this make sense? I have an overwhelming pain in the pit of my stomach, and it starts giving me panic attacks at the littlest stressors. Anyway, I just need to know I'm not making all of this up. I wasn't born crazy. I think I'm becoming more clear headed, but I'm constantly doubting myself. Help?