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To those of you who have reported questionable posts recently I wanted to let you know I appreciate it as I can't read through every post here at OOTS. IMO it makes us more of a community if we look out for each other and keep this forum safe and respectful so lease keep doing so. 

I look at every reported post and take action as necessary. This ranges from no action, to editing the post and informing the poster as to why, to deleting the account of the reported poster. Please note this last  action is reserved for the few who seriously contravene our guidelines (e.g., obvious trolls trying to upset members on the forum).

If you do see a post you find questionable, please hit the report button.  I am the only one who see's the report and I never reveal who makes the report to anyone.

Many thanks,

Kizzie   

 

Spot on TheBigBlue!   

When my son was in medical school (just graduated in May), he had a class where the doctor speaking was using some derogatory/flippant language about patients who are obese such as "a heart attack waiting to happen" and so on. I'm delighted to say that he and his fellow students texted each other about how this kind of "fat-shaming" was simply not on in a course. They then went to their Dean to complain and happily they were well received and action was taken to remind faculty that this kind of shaming language was not permitted. So, progress is on the horizon!

I personally would like to see complex relational trauma survivors referred to not as disordered, but as injured. This puts the onus, not on us but on our perpetrators and normalizes our symptoms as responses to abuse/neglect rather than some kind of character defect.

Hello and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm! 

I can imagine you are feeling nervous, I know when I started at our sister site (Out of the FOG), before creating this site I was incredibly nervous, as though writing anything about my abuse would rain done more abuse or members would tell me I didn't have it that bad. I would spend inordinate amounts of time writing every post and then fret and sweat about responses. When I started OOTS I felt nervous as well but within no time I had the feeling I had finally found my tribe and that I was safe and could talk about things I'd never talked with anyone -- including therapists -- about.

So I hope the nervousness wears off soon and you feel the understanding and support members here give one another!   

Hi Dochartaigh and welcome to Out of the Storm! 

As I was reading through your post a memory came back to me of standing outside my family home somewhere around age 10+.  I remember thinking that I felt safer outside than I did inside.  Similar to what you felt, I had a feeling of safety and freedom. Now looking back it tells me everything I need to know about what my childhood was like and why I developed CPTSD.

I believe my story is fairly basic and not as bad as many.

One thing I often say to new members who think their abuse/neglect wasn't as bad as some others is that if you have the symptoms of CPTSD and struggle, yes it really was that bad. It's clear (to me) in what you wrote that you were led to believe you weren't wanted or loved and honestly, what could be worse than that? The very people who are supposed to love, protect and nurture us do the opposite and leave us feeling very alone and frightened.

I hope being here you will begin to feel less alone and that you belong to this tribe of wounded but oh so caring and lovely people. 

I found it quite hard at first too, but then it got easier as I realized and felt how much freer and calmer I felt not dealing with all the chaos and drama. And I do feel more authentic now that I am no longer having to put on my survival self mask just to make it through.

Wishing you the same! 

I am so sorry to hear you were never believed and constantly invalidated Lady Boar, that teaches us about our worth and value as a human or lack thereof.  It's good to hear your H and T believe in you and support you, that can make quite the difference when it comes to recovery/healing. Just the fact that you revealed your experiences to us here shows you are moving forward.   

I can imagine as you remember and validate your family's treatment that you would struggle to interact with them.  There's a lot there to deal with and anger and grief to feel.

 

I just read the article and it's eye opening so thanks for sharing it. It's the clearest article about intergenerational transmission of trauma related vulnerabilities at the molecular level I've read to date. I've always known my trauma was nurtured by my parents' own traumatic histories (and of course by their abusive/neglective behaviours toward my brother and I), but I didn't realize the extent of the impact on a  deep physical level, pre-birth even. I also thought as CPTSD survivors we suffer from constantly high levels of cortisol, but the article makes clear that things at the molecular level are more complicated.

I know the article was about PTSD, but I am stoked to see this level of understanding about the impact of trauma. I think as the author suggests this holds the promise of new types of treatments that will likely extend to CPTSD. 

Yay to science!   

[a potential target for novel resilience-promoting interventions]

OK I have to admit most of the science was beyond me but the conclusion was not:

"In conclusion, our findings identify hippocampal SGK1 as a key mechanism regulating stress vulnerability and as a potential target for novel resilience-promoting interventions."

Now that I like the sound of. And knowing scientists are getting down to the molecular level when it comes to traumatic stress is very reassuring.

Tks for this BigBlue 

[core wound]

In re-reading this thread I see that my thinking about emotional abuse has changed slightly. That is, I see emotional wounding in all forms of abuse and in neglect, in fact I think it's the core wound. Both sexual and physical abuse are attacks on the self to a certain degree, meant to demean and exert power over us, while emotional abuse/neglect is a directed and ongoing attack meant to crush us. That said, it remains (IMO) the most powerful form of abuse because it is targeted directly at who we are, even in cases where it is covert (i.e., death [of the soul] by a thousand cuts). It's just that both physical and sexual abuse also target who we are and ultimately are deeply emotionally wounding.   

Stussy, there's a fair bit more literature out there that acknowledges the powerful impact of emotional abuse and neglect finally. It makes a real difference to those of us who weren't physically or sexually abused to know this and for others to know this as well.

I hope being here will be of help to you 

It's amazing what a little kindness will do for us. Basically we are starving for it as your post highlights. I am sorry you didn't have anyone in your corner. Here we all get it so you have a community now     

Good to meet you too Ran, welcome to Out of the Storm  I hope you will find being here helpful and supportive.

Trigger warnings are for when a member goes into a bit of detail that they think might be triggering for other members. We don't always know what will/won't be a trigger so just do your best and if you have questions just PM me. It's the overly graphic details we try and avoid here because obviously that will be triggering for many.  I hope this helps.

Kizzie

Good grief, what an experience with that therapist! Just goes to show you that many are NOT trained to deal effectively with CPTSD yet and that there is always a bottom third of a class of graduates from any program. At the very least they should have referred you to a colleague or provided you with names of other therapists to contact.

You could write a letter of complaint to their professional association if you're up to doing that (scary I know). Reporting does let the regulatory folks know there may be a problem with one of their members.

I am so sorry for what you went through Saluki    You of course did not deserve any of that.  It's especially hard when it's someone like our parents who were supposed to love and protect us so hating your M, I get it.

If you don't mind me asking, what happened to the paedo you told the police about?

I sometimes wonder if/wish that the more we come out as survivors of parental abuse/neglect, the more courts will be open to holding them accountable for past abuses/neglect There are so many of us who are coming together and speaking up now that it may be feasible for survivors to take their parents to court if we choose to do so.