Messages

Good to hear about your psychotherapist and hopefully you will find a psychiatrist who does know about CPTSD.

I hadn't heard of DeepL before but it seems quite useful. 

Hi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm Erec 

Your English is great so I wouldn't worry about that. I'm sorry that so far you haven't had much help from therapy. Here in Canada psychiatrists are like gold and when you do manage to connect with one they mainly deal with medications. I see that there are lots of psychologists in Italy and you can search for one here - https://www.therapyroute.com/therapists/italy/1. They can't prescribe medication like psychiatrists can, but some  are likely to have at least some training about trauma.  It's still a bit of a hunt in some countries (for professionals trained in complex trauma), but they are out there.

In the meantime, I hope being here and sharing about your trauma will help you to feel less alone. Many of us have found that it is a relief to be a part of a community that 'gets it' and I hope that's true for you.

 

Kizzie 

[defending]

Some time back Armee shared a link to an article "The Myth of Mutual Domestic Violence" (MDV) that I think belongs here (and in other sub-sections) as it validates for us as survivors that when we fight back we are not initiating DV or are we trying to dominate or control another, we are defending ourselves. This perspective is really helpful if/when your abuser (or their lawyer if you're in court) accuses you of MDV.  If you know how to fight back about fighting back you will be better prepared and not susceptible to this erroneous argument. 

Other links:

- https://www.goodrx.com/well-being/relationships/is-mutual-abuse-real
- https://www.thehotline.org/resources/mutual-abuse-its-not-real/

[defending]

Some time back Armee shared a link to an article "The Myth of Mutual Domestic Violence" (MDV) that I think belongs here (and in other sub-sections) as it validates for us as survivors that when we fight back we are not initiating DV or are we trying to dominate or control another, we are defending ourselves. This perspective is really helpful if/when your abuser (or their lawyer if you're in court) accuses you of MDV.  If you know how to fight back about fighting back you will be better prepared and not susceptible to this erroneous argument. 

Other links:

- https://www.goodrx.com/well-being/relationships/is-mutual-abuse-real
- https://www.thehotline.org/resources/mutual-abuse-its-not-real/
-

Hi EB and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm 

It sounds like you doing well in recovery and managed to find a great therapist - bravo! I hope being here, sharing with other members and reading their posts will help you feel you have peers who 'get it'. That's such a good feeling IMO given so many of us feel we are outsiders or are different from everyone else. Plus, it helps I find to understand we were injured at the hands of someone else versus that we are disordered or broken in some way.

You're not alone with your CPTSD here   

Get some more rest and feel better soon BB!   

They are gorgeous!

Sometimes I will ask how I'd treat someone else then use that as direction for how to treat myself.

I like what EB wrote. I just attended a talk yesterday by Dr. Judith Herman  (was the first clinician to identify CPTSD) and she said exactly this. Imagine what you would say to someone who has been through what you have and then do your level best to grasp that it's your story and deserving of the same compassion and validation you would give others. 

 

Two different styles but both appealing in their own way. As an atheist I especially like the first one because I like music, art, etc that pushes back against religion. That said, I know this can cause some discomfort for those who are religious so if you're posting a response, please keep it respectful. 

Hey Lina - I must say I agree with San, self care can feel like selfishness but only because we've been trained to feel we must put others first. I particularly like what San wrote about the word "selfish" itself.

i've separated the word 'selfish' into 2 words - self and ish, or self-ish.  being aware of our 'self' and what it needs, and taking care of that 'self' is crucial.  without being self-ish, we hurt ourselves further by ignoring 'self' and what it needs to be able to perform at its peak ability. 

Spot on! 

Hi and a warm welcome LadyBoar! 

It's hard sometimes when you start into recovery to believe it was that bad, but if you have the symptoms of CPTSD, then it really was. I think it's great that you're looking for validation by the way, IMO it's such an important first step to recovery and healing. One thing that's at play in your life seems to be abuse that has carried on into adulthood (i.e., you mentioned your M see's you as an emotional dumping ground).

I think you will find as you settle in here that you are NOT crazy or selfish or any of the negative things your ICr is telling you and that compassion, comfort, support and validation are healthy.

I just want to feel like I belong somewhere and that I am seen and appreciated.

Welcome Beth:

We do get it, you DO belong here, and you will be seen and heard

Kizzie

  

 

Your post made my heart ache I must say, for you and your children. Dealing with an N is just so completely consuming and devastating as so may of us here know. There are lots more resources than there used to be, plus  family services and the justice system do have some understanding that children need to be protected from an N parent. I don't know if you've been to our sister site Out of the FOG, but it's for anyone dealing with someone who has an PD and they have lots of members and resources so you may want to check there if you haven't done so already.

You're absolutely doing the best thing by reaching out - isolation and loneliness just make the burden so much harder to bear. Here though we do understand and are supportive. It may take a while for you to feel comfortable with self-compassion or compassion from us I know. It makes sense given you've been exposed to negativity and criticism for a very long time. I had a hard time with this when I started here because deep down I was so afraid I would let myself feel it and then it would all go away. Over time though I came to welcome it and to be self-compassionate. I hope the same is true for you.