Messages

Yes dang it we ARE doing it San. Yay us!    And we definitely DO deserve some-actually a lot of-kindness and serious consideration. 

Good on you for educating your EMDR colleagues     It's a good example of how some real good can come from spreading the word. 

Layla, I searched DID/OSDD/PDID and online sites and found several sites. This one in particular sounds like what you are looking for - Multiplied By One Org. There is a small fee but for those that can't afford it, there's a form to be exempted. 

You are more likely to find the community you are looking for there (or at a similar site) as it is specifically for those with DID/OSDD/PDID. Given that OOTS is for those with CPTSD I'm not certain there are many (if any) here with or who know much about DID/OSDD/PDID. As such, you may end up not getting replies to your posts because of that and I would hate to see that happen. 

There are also a number of other sites I found so maybe do a search of DID/OSDD/PDID and online sites so you can find a community that knows more about these diagnoses than we do. We all need community and there do seem to be ones that are a better fit than here.

I hope this is helpful. 

 

It can be difficult for family members to understand but at least your H is leaving you to it which I imagine is a relief. My NM often used the silent treatment which is a form of abuse. Until I knew she was an N and this was a tool in her arsenal it drove me crazy. Glad to hear it doesn't affect you!     

Awesome to hear that you participated although I'm sorry to hear you had a bit of a reaction. Studies usually have a contact that you can talk to after you participate in case of reactions. Sometimes it's just good to know there is someone (trained) in case you need them.

Also good to hear about being able to reduce your dose of the neuroleptic!

Feb 27th - Here's a new video "Trauma: It's More Complex Than You Think" - a presentation by trauma researcher, clinician and psychology professor Dr. Colette Smart from the University of Victoria in British Columbia, Canada.

Link - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nuKHO0vHEa0

Hey Seeking to Survive, a lot of new members feel as you do so not to worry.

There are a lot of guidelines in place to ensure members treat each other with respect, tolerance and kindness. They came about because early on there were a lot of trolls who joined just to make trouble, and also members who did not quite know how to behave toward others (which makes sense give trouble with relationships is one of the symptoms of CPTSD). The first threatened this community and the latter disrupted it, thus the guidelines. You need not fear putting a foot wrong or needing to write perfect posts though. If something crosses the line I will edit your post and send you an email explaining why.

As for the size of the forum, it is large and takes a while to feel your way around, but as it is for survivors of complex trauma with complex PTSD, the sub-forums are meant to capture the complexities of what we live with. If you go slowly as others have suggested I think you'll feel comfortable fairly quickly.

Hi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm BlueJayWay    And well done you for the recovery work you've been doing! I hope being here will help you get further along. 

Hey NK, I hear you on the revulsion to your NM in particular. As I was reading your post I remembered a poster who said she would actually feel sick around her NM and that light went off as it often does here. I felt the same but also realized I felt quite guilty, as though I couldn't bear to clearly see her as she was. That was the moment, however, that I felt those feelings rise to the surface. I could see how broken, cruel and manipulative she was and that was hard because she was my M.

It wasn't something I wanted to feel about her but looking back I think feeling sick being near her helped me to be able to step away from her. Prior to that I had been very enmeshed and afraid of pulling back. I guess what I'm saying is that perhaps the revulsion means you are seeing her as she is and that is so hard to do when it's your own M. And maybe the revulsion will help you shield yourself so she doesn't poison you and/or your life? It is one of those very difficult things in recovery--feeling those things about our parents that are so hard to acknowledge. We do hunger for our parents love and when we finally realize we've never had that and never will have it, it's profoundly sad and even a bit frightening, or so I found.

As always, just my thoughts of course but I wish you well in figuring this out with your T   

Hi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm Doug    Great to hear you had some good therapy and you've gotten to a point where you can work on your CPTSD symptoms. That's some good recovery you've accomplished!

I'm glad you found us and I hope OOTS will be of help to you. Many of us find we feel like we belong here unlike often feeling a bit alien or different around non-survivors as you've said you do.

I suspect/hope as you read and post you'll be able to focus in on the symptoms you still struggle with. It is difficult as you say but having others in your corner can really help.

 


 

Are you able to afford a therapist Erik? That might be a good place to start if you want to move forward in recovery. You may also find being here helpful as members understand what you going through and it can be a bit of release talking with us. One section a lot of members post in is the journals section here - https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=61.0.

Hi Erik - Sorry to hear you are feeling so numb and exhausted right now, CPTSD and recovery can take so much out of us.  Are you in therapy at the moment?  If so, you might want to speak to you therapist about how you're feeling.

If not, I found what helped me (and please know we're all different so these may not be right for you), was to take what I like to call "trauma breaks." I would put down the books about trauma, read and post less here, take naps, try and do some fun things which could include just binge watching a good TV show if that's all you're up for, take short walks in the fresh air, or go for a ride in the car.

I hope this is helpful! 

Hi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm Seeking to Survive 

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so isolated. I think it's good that you are reaching out here because even though we are anonymous and virtual, I find there's a feeling of being connected to a large community. I like that members here really understand what it feels like to struggle with CPTSD and share their own experiences and suggestions about what worked or did not for them. And there is a lot of caring support which it sounds like you really need right now.  

Tks for posting these Dolly and BB!

Very interesting! I think if we're touch deprived we need that feeling of being held and soothed rather then being "worked on" as you say. I'm glad to hear you went for the CST therapy after your experience with the Korean massage. It's lovely that you were able to feel grief and comfort at the same time.

I had something similar happen when I had cancer some years back. I made the decision to have my hair shaved which was recommended by a woman's cancer group I attended. I was scared and upset understandably, but I came to see why it was a good thing to do. They made the whole thing into a kind of ritual of being cared for and held in my grief. Once my head was shaved, they gently washed my scalp and then gave me a long, soft head massage in a room with soft light and music. It was absolutely wonderful. As you experienced, it somehow balanced the grief, sadness and fear I was feeling. They gave me a lock of hair as I was leaving and suggested I burn it. My H and I did so in our fire pit and it was like sending my cancer out to the universe.

Our stories do make me sad I must say. It highlights just how much we needed caring touch and holding when we were children and I can't help think how much better off life would have been if we had had that. I also can't help thinking about those who were sexually/physically abused and became touch adverse. It would be so much harder to break down those walls and try some healthy physical touch. CPTSD is a beast.