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Hi Sapphire and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm!  I hope you'll find information and support here that helps you get unstuck. 

Do you see a therapist at all? That, in conjunction with coming here, may just do the trick and start things moving in a recovery direction.

Kizzie

Thank you both. Let's hope it prompts some healthcare professionals and institutions to learn more about complex relational trauma and CPTSD!

Hi Everyone!

Delighted to announce that the healthcare project I initiated is in the dissemination phase. The guide our team developed and information about the project can be found here - https://www.outofthestorm.website/healthcare-project.

Please note there is a text based pdf for download if you wish to print it out and give it to any healthcare providers you are dealing with.

Planting the seeds for better care!

Kizzie

Hi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm Landed Bird!   

I am a 'tad' older than you at 69, and there are quite a few of us in this age range I  think because many of us didn't realize we had CPTSD until later in life.  When I started this web site and forum 11 years ago there wasn't much in terms of books or sites. Now happily there's lots more info and resources available.   

So sorry to hear about your mobility issues. I have arthritis in my ankle and back and if it weren't for cortisone shots I'd be less able to get around.  I know my time is coming though and I fear becoming less able to do things and more dependent on others.  It takes me back to my childhood when I was at the mercy of my parents and brother because I did not have power. So, I can relate to a degree and I hope there are others here who can relate and will provide you with support. (Not that I would wish physical limitations on anyone of course!)

On a final note, many of us here take the position that we are not mentally ill or disordered, but instead are injured, wounded at the hands of others and deserving of effective treatment, services and support like anyone who has healthcare needs.

I totally relate to not being able to manage on my own. I had to explain to my doctor that I needed the additional support when I was triggered or dysregulated, as I spiral pretty intensely. It was weird having to explain myself, ended up having to explain the reason why I think I will be in therapy forever (on and off). My doctor is very traditional, so they have rigid ideas of how things are supposed to go.

Appreciate hearing from others.

One thing that did pop into my mind as I re-read this thread is that physician's often DON'T know much if anything about CPTSD (which is why we just finished a book about complex relational trauma and CPTSD here, and I led a project to develop a guide for healthcare professionals). So yours may not realize that CPTSD does not go away entirely but we learn to manage it. That said, there are going to be events/situations in our lives that bring it up to the surface again and we will need support.  I think you're wise to know that about yourself and your CPTSD. 

By the way, the guide for healthcare professionals is available on the site at https://www.outofthestorm.website/healthcare-project if you want to have a look at it. There is a pdf download you could give to your doc so they understand better what you are dealing with.



 

[very]

I think most people will feel some irritation if something was free simply to lure you in and then start charging you, especially if they don't give you a warning (i.e., something like "Try our crossword free for 2 weeks then pay $$$/month). If you have a warning, then it's not being manipulated, you have choice and control. But when someone takes away our choice, especially as a survivor, we're bound to feel quite irritated/triggered because control was taken away from us by those who abused us. That could be either CPTSD or autism I suppose.

I worked in two jobs many years ago that were heavily micromanaged in terms of routine, etc. I ended up leaving within days in one job and a few months in the other. It was partly because who likes to be micromanaged, but due in large part to the feelings it triggered because of my CPTSD. I was very independent back then mainly because I didn't like feeling controlled by anyone - too much like my original family and the abuse I suffered.

In recent years I have been working on understanding what is actual loss of control/choice, and just the normal interdependence we all have and that's not going too badly. Like all symptoms of CPTSD I find it takes conscious recognition and trying out new ways of thinking about things. When it feels like someone is impinging on me I will set boundaries, but first I look at whether or not it is actually something I need a boundary for. It helps me manage life when I take a moment, take a breath and think things through.

Perhaps a way to tell if you're bothered due to autism or if it's CPTSD is to try what I've mentioned above. Is a change in routine by others something you can let go of if you pause, think about it and conclude it's not as big a deal as it first appears to be? Can you set a boundary when a routine does feels invasive, losing control/choice? (E.g., Saying something to the effect "I'm not comfortable with this.)? Perhaps if you try and still feel stuck maybe talking with a professional would help. 

Just some thoughts Saluki, hope something resonates     

[relational]

Wow, she talks about relational trauma right from the get go!  Tks for this NK, I will add it to the Books section.

[I think my body just has to get used to living in a safe home.]

So she gets it. But we haven't really talked about it since. It's funny, she knows my exact situation, is empathetic, and still I get triggered. But honestly it's getting better slowly but surely! I think my body just has to get used to living in a safe home.

I think you've hit the nail on the head!    It takes a long time for mistrust to become embedded in our bodies and minds so equally it will likely take some time for you to believe in the safety you're experiencing. I'm glad for you that you do have this safety now and hope it will be your new normal. 

I have to agree with NK, if she is a kind and loving person you might want to share a bit with her and why sometimes what she says/does might send your CPTSD surging to the surface (which we get here, it sometimes does not take much to really trigger, especially if we're afraid we're going to lose a good thing).

I think I would understand if I were her that you did not grow up in a safe home and react to even a hint of negativity. It might even be a good chance for you to experience trusting a healthy person with a bit of what you feel inside and see how they react.

Hi Jojo - Just DM Papa Coco and see if he has room in one of his groups.  Mine is full at the moment.

Kizzie

Hi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm DoggieWoof! 

I have a partner like you and while I'm no longer nervous about bringing things up with him, I sometimes dream he has cheated on me or that he rejects me, turns cold and dismisses me as if I am nothing. He is nothing like this and I've come to figure out it's that deep sense of rejection I got from my parents that lingers still, deep within. That's just how much my parents lack of love and safety impacted me. I think it speaks to how deeply our fears run and how embedded they are.  I'm almost 70 and these dreams pop up when I am stressed.

When I have those dreams when I wake up I soothe myself now and tell deep inner self, my H is not going to reject me or cheat on me, that this is an "echo" of the past more than anything.

Perhaps it's similar for you; that is, these feelings don't belong to your partner or your present, but to a deep fear of being abandoned, abused, rejected as you may have been in your past. Maybe seeing them from this POV and soothing them and comforting yourself will help bring that reaction down, even if a bit at a time.

Just my thoughts!   

I have to agree with NK and BB, IMO it's up to you and your T. Your GP may not know about the long term impact of CPTSD and that there are often things that cause our symptoms to surge when we're under stress. In any case it's what you feel you need and want that's really important.

Lovely to hear you''re doing so well for the most part! 

Navigating the healthcare system is no easy thing at the best of times, but add in CPTSD and it can seem like an endless battle.  You seem to be doing a good job of it though I must say! I and likely many others here know how tiring and frustrating that can be.

Your experience is the reason I just finished up a project with a team of healthcare professionals and trauma survivors called "Complex Relational Trauma & CPTSD: Closing the Gap in Healthcare - A Guide for Healthcare Professionals" in an effort to prompt healthcare institutions and professionals to do better by us. I will be posting the guide here at OOTS in the next few days so you can have a look. One take away for survivors who read it is that you are not alone in having difficulties with healthcare and there are some things you can do to improve things.

In any event, good on you for your efforts to manage your health and doing what you can to get providers on your side.  

Group 3 is closed for now.

OK Mary, I've added you.  We meet next on Sat Oct 4th at 9 AM your time.  I'll send a link out on the Wed or Thurs before the meeting.

Welcome to Out of the Storm!

Kizzie