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[Hallelujah]

So I heard back from our volunteer IT person and he told me OOTF is having the same problem and he is working on figuring out what is going on. Hallelujah say I as I am not the most IT savvy person  

It may take some time so please be patient.

Cheers,

Kizzie

It's a bit of a conundrum I find. I still don't know how much was choice on my NM's part and how much was narcissism driving her behaviour. While I at least understand trauma was driving her to some extent, I know trauma drives me but that I tried to make good choices as a parent.  Maybe different times as you say.

Hi Everyone:

Unfortunately the technical glitch with the forum is still happening and has gotten somewhat complicated. I am still working with GoDaddy to sort it and have asked the IT fellow who occasionally helps out with issues like this if he can give me a hand.

This may take some time though so to make sure you don't lose any post you are drafting create them offline and then copy and paste.

Thanks for you patience!

Kizzie

Saluki, I wonder if being reluctant to ask him is not only because you need to be fiercely independent, but maybe because you're also afraid of how he will react.  And by this I mean it's an in either case I'll be triggered kind of way. If he reacts by helping you are no longer as independent, it feels like you are being dependent and for us that can be quite triggering, especially for you given what you went through with your ex. And if he does something like sigh and get up reluctantly, then he is not the person you think he is - "loving and caring and reasonable and kind" and instead a throw back to your ex.

I can hear the frustration in your post and the sadness about life not being simple and kinder and less confusing and I 'm so sorry you are dealing with that. CPTSD sucks.  In my experience understanding why I feel the way I do in certain situations and being compassionate with myself has helped and given me the emotional wherewithal to try to do things differently. Maybe it's what will help you. 

    

    

 

It is a lot to process Who Buddy 

Glad to hear Aysa is on the mend. I love when cats purr!

I feel the same about any pets we have had over the years that got sick, although fortunately I didn't have to deal with my parents taking care of them. I could feel how that must feel for you though and I'm sorry you had that to deal with on top of everything else you have going on. 

I'm very glad to hear the cat is doing better now and that your parents are getting it the care it needs.  

I do remember you WhoBuddy, welcome back! 

That's quite the revelation about your M. I did Google "parents with autism" and there is quite a bit from various organizations although not much in academic journals apparently. Here's just one I found. I don't know if it quite matches what you've said about your M - https://heller.brandeis.edu/parents-with-disabilities/pdfs/autism-parent-factsheet.pdf. I suppose it matters where on the spectrum a parent is.

In any event, I think what matters is how it affected you and from the sounds of it you needed to be invisible a lot of the time to avoid her anger so developing CPTSD is not a surprise. My M was a narcissist due to trauma in her own life and it was the same for me. Even though I can now feel some compassion for her because of what brought her to be an N, I still have a lot of feelings about losing my childhood and ending up struggling with CPTSD.

Hopefully there will be a few members whose parent(s) were autistic who can share their experiences.

Hey Mia - I went for EMDR with two different therapists. The first one was for CPTSD in general and I found the same thing - where to start, what to focus on...  The T also did not do any grounding exercises with me. I came away from 2 sessions with two pretty bad EFs so I quit.

A few years later I went to a different T for EMDR because I had a specific issue I wanted to deal with and it went really well. She did grounding exercises with me and we focused on the issue I was there for (although we did end up branching out a bit to a few tied issues/events and that went well also). 

Anyway, all this is to say as you start to find your way around your trauma, you may be able to discern specific instances that you could deal with in EMDR. Each instance of neglect does equal death by a thousand cuts just like the instances of emotional abuse I suffered were. They all ran together at first but as I began to understand my abuse, I saw the behaviours both individually and as a whole that had caused me to develop CPTSD.

Hope this is helpful     

Hey Seeking Support, I like what Mia had to say about finding support and connection - it's such an important (but difficult) thing for us to try and do; that is, build trust in others despite wanting to run away, isolate ... I think you're in the same place Mia was so I hope this gives you hope to carry on with finding that support and connection here and IRL. I also hope being here gives you some of what you're looking for.

I went into my cave and licked my wounds and eventually sought support from people who had been in similar circumstances.  I can say that I purged a great deal and once I came out of this "assessment period," my trusting of people (which had never been so great) was difficult; but, I did learn that there are real people in this world that are capable of simply caring about another person without an agenda. It's always amazing to me that total strangers can have a much better understanding of me as a human being than people who have been in my life for 60+ years.

Yes dang it we ARE doing it San. Yay us!    And we definitely DO deserve some-actually a lot of-kindness and serious consideration. 

Good on you for educating your EMDR colleagues     It's a good example of how some real good can come from spreading the word. 

Layla, I searched DID/OSDD/PDID and online sites and found several sites. This one in particular sounds like what you are looking for - Multiplied By One Org. There is a small fee but for those that can't afford it, there's a form to be exempted. 

You are more likely to find the community you are looking for there (or at a similar site) as it is specifically for those with DID/OSDD/PDID. Given that OOTS is for those with CPTSD I'm not certain there are many (if any) here with or who know much about DID/OSDD/PDID. As such, you may end up not getting replies to your posts because of that and I would hate to see that happen. 

There are also a number of other sites I found so maybe do a search of DID/OSDD/PDID and online sites so you can find a community that knows more about these diagnoses than we do. We all need community and there do seem to be ones that are a better fit than here.

I hope this is helpful.