I can relate to your feelings. I have lost many friends: some shallow, some very deep, because I shared something from my past that they found intolerably painful, or because in a moment of sharing I broke down and behaved like a small child (despite being an adult). I have also lost precious relationships by lashing out at people when I feared abandonment, derision or carelessness from them to me. I grow closer to people until I feel compelled to behave in these ways, then when it is over I feel like myself again, and my life is in ruins. You are not alone in this. I have had many cycles of better - worse - better. There is always progress, even small, and there is always hope. Don't give up! Recovery is within your reach! 
