Messages

Hi glor

I'm 29 genderfluid with blue hair (on half) and a face full of metal too! is Washington more accepting than other places you think? I'm living in a very small rural arm pit of the world and people look at me like I'm a circus side show...they don't even understand what "they/them" pronoun preference means! They just think I'm "gay" and "weird"...sigh

My art has suffered a lot since my diagnosis and trying to heal. How do you keep yourself continuing to create? My art used to be my saving grace, now I'm so convinced everything I do is "garbage" and "never enough" so I dont' even bother anymore "what's the point? " etc.

Welcome and hope to hear from you...*hugs*!

stann

Hi Sandfire

I feel ya! I also live in a very isolated place and my life has become very small...the one thing I force myself to do most days is go to work, but that is a huge source of triggers. I come home very exhausted every day which makes it hard to have a "real life". I used to be so active! And now I'm afraid I'll never get back to that real self. Mostly I am self-educating about CPTSD, trying to learn as much as I can so I feel armed with clinical knowledge rather than how awful it "feels" every day. My mantra is "it's not my fault" and I'm trying to embrace myself and practice self care. Hopefully we will learn more from our new friends on OOTS.

Take care
Stann

Just happy to join a forum, maybe it will help with my healing process. Looking forward to learning about everyone and hearing your words of wisdom...

I'm Stann, gender fluid, late 20s, living in the middle of nowhere in the desert which makes it hard to connect with people. I live alone, with my service dog, and I work fulltime (for now...) trying to keep everything afloat. I was diagnosed about 16 months ago and I feel like I've been through so many therapists who cannot help with my inability to cope day-to-day. They seem to want to take my copay for the hour and talk about the new Whole Foods opening or why I get mad that they criticize me for not being "social enough"...

Right now I am struggling most at work because it's my livelihood. I have no family, no friends, no partner to share and responsibilities with; I shoulder it all. My house, my car, my bills, if I lose the job I will be on the streets. The thought that I might lose my job because of how c-Ptsd is affecting me is terrifying. Most days I can barely make it to work on time, let alone function while I am there. I recently started the process of getting ADA accommodation for my duties because I am struggling so hard. The HR department is pretty supportive, but my supervisors are not following the suggestions for my accommodations. In fact, they are putting the onus on me to make things work even though I did my part by applying for the accommodations in the first place. Specifically, I need help with my short-term memory: schedule, goals, etc. I forgot I had to cover someone's shift and no one told me until half way through the hour. I never cover that shift, it's Monday morning, I was trying to do 2 other things my boss sprung on me last minute (including training HER employee for a job she doesn't even know how to do). So I got a nasty phone call, and I hurried down trying to explain, but they didn't care. Now, if I had a quick email note reminding me of the sudden change in my otherwise normal schedule, I would have been there on time. I even printed a list of things that the supervisor can do to help me succeed and they must not have read it. But my bosses don't want to do their job, let alone help me do mine. I feel helpless and burdensome and scared I'll lose my job and everything I've worked so hard for.

Have any of you gone through issues with working and job accommodations? If the boss doesn't hold up their end of the bargain, will I be the one who gets in trouble? Even if they "approve" the accommodations, doesn't that mean they have to follow through and support me? I was never like this before. I'm so frustrated that my brain has changed so much after trauma and I have hardly any control of it but I am being treated like I'm a dingbat who does this all on purpose. Not to mention, my boss breached HR privacy policy by disclosing my personal disability information to the entire staff and even tried to force me to stand up in front of my coworkers and "explain" why I had to have a service dog. Of course I refused and it was a huge deal, which also triggered me and caused me to disassociate for a number of days...The world is so awful and cruel. I don't want to go on disability for work, I probably wouldn't even be able to, but what choice do I have? Any suggestions are helpful. I appreciate your time having read this. I hope everyone is having a better Monday than I am

Stann