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(Trigger warning for some panicked speech)

I just get into these downward spirals, where I feel sad or depressed or I start hating myself for whatever reason, and I think about reaching out to them, and I don't because I think "they have problems of their own" "they don't have time" "they don't need my problems on top of theirs" and then I just stay quiet, and feel more sad.

And it's this weird cycle and I just don't know how to deal with it most days.

Thanks Kizzie!

So...I'm not sure if it's that fact that I'm committing to recovery, so much as it is...

So I have a group of people in my life right now that are very affectionate, and very supportive. And I think my brain is trying to get through the fact that they're not out to get me, and not just being nice. They want to be family to me. Which is scary. Because family has meant something completely and totally unhealthy for the majority of my life.

So I think right now I'm wrestling with this idea that these people are not going to eventually be completely terrible and then never speak to me again, and it's triggered a lot of feelings for me.

Hi, Flooky. Thank you for being so nice!

My reaction was an odd mixture of shock, not-shock, and odd curiosity. The first thing I did was start researching PTSD. I bought books and looked things up online, and just generally educated myself.

With a little knowledge under my belt, it was easier to identify what I was feeling (though it's still a little rough sometimes to remember that many of my feelings about myself are the result of the cptsd).

I started doing more looking into CPTSD in the last year or so, finding mostly online resources. I find that the more I read about it, and know about it, the better I'm able to cope, though I sort of went into a tailspin at New Years, which is how I stumbled across this site.

So hi, everyone.

My name is Leigh, and I was diagnosed with PTSD about four years ago. After doing a lot of research, I'm pretty sure I have many of the hallmarks of CPTSD after 20 years trapped with in a house with my parents, who are train wrecks, and took it out on me and my brother.

I'm 30, and still attempting to sort of fit the pieces together. Recently things have been a little rocky (lots of self-loathing since the new year. Like a lot), so I decided to maybe try and find...people.

And it's not that my friends aren't wonderful and understanding, but they have their own problems and they don't need mine too so I thought maybe finding an online group would do me a little bit of good.

So...so hi.