Messages

Thank you for the kind replies. Sorry I have been sort of absent. I go through periods of avoidence where I feel like I don't need the sort of help that this forum provides...like I don't belong with you guys....like I don't deserve the sympathy. It's so comforting to come back to supportive replies even after months of being gone. Thank you all.

SM. you totally get me. And I get you. It's such a * position to be in. It's nice to know I'm not the only one going through a situation like ours. Thank you. ❤❤❤

Thank you all for the kind replies. Sorry I have been kind if absent. I  fgo through cycles of avoidence and pretend I don't need help like this forum provides...it's extremely comforting yo come back months later and see that you are all stI'll so supportI've

SM

Thank you RoseOfSharon. I really appreciate your input.

Welcome ❤

Absolutely breath taking!

Thank you Dee and Sanmagic7 I already feel so welcomed and accepted here. You all are very kind and I look forward to helping others on this board as much as I can

Wonderful 💜💜💜thank you for this post.

Thank you very much for the response riverlad. It is so comforting to know that there are others out there who understand what I've been feeling since a very young age. I'm happy to be here and thank you guys for having me

Wow to am totally floored by your response radical...thank you so much. Thank you thank you thank you is all I can say. I've waited over 10 years to hear everything that you just said. It means so much more coming from a fellow survuvor.

What a beautiful person you are.

Hey all.

I was recently diagnosed with CPTSD by my psychologist.

Anyway I've always struggled with whether or not what I experienced as an adolescent was sexual abuse or not. I find myself feeling guilty over being bothered by it because it seems so mild compared to what others have gone through.... here's the short version of it and thanks for listening.

I was 11 or 12 (I don't remember exactly) he was my mom's best friend's son...2.5 years older than me. Their family had just moved to our hometown from the city where my mom and said best friend grew up together.

We would visit them every weekend....my folks left him and I alone in his bedroom while they socialized and had adult time.

I can't remember how it initially started but somewhere along the line he had me exposing myself, showed me pornographic images and begged me to touch and masturbate him all while promising me that if I did what he asked, he would be my boyfriend. (I was a hideous beast back then and no boys would even look twice at me) so I did what he asked.

At one terrifying point, he manipulated me into letting him partially penetrate me. That was the only instance I found my voice enough to make him stop....for fear of pregnancy...and after that, it all stopped.

He left me feeling used and abandoned.

But I never asked for help

I never made him stop

I was so confused.

I still am.

I see him all the time because he is like a cousin to me. 2 years ago (I am 25 now) I thought I would confront him about it...he agreed to talk and asked to meet up. he later texted me and asked to hookup with me. I was so betrayed and angry.

Sorry if I broke any rules in this post It's my first time. I really think this website is great and am so happy to have found it.

Any input would be so greatly appreciated.