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Messages - greg8570

#1
Please Introduce Yourself Here / New and nervous
November 04, 2016, 02:01:05 PM
Hello.
I'm a 46 yo male that has just recently been diagnosed w cPTSD.  I started to talk w someone a few months ago.  We have done a few emdr sessions and I've had mixed emotions from this- my wife says after the emdr sessions I'm very restless and fidgety  for the next few nights...I know I do have more bad dreams after the sesssion so I'm sure that's what it is...but as many of you, I usually only sleep a few hours (barely) and then I'm wide awake not being able to get back to sleep. 
so you can understand, I was sexually abused by my older brother when I was around 10 ( he was 18) for what seemed to be a few years.  I try so hard to remember a time frame but sometimes with the year range-funny I can't remember years but other things are as clear as day to me 😞.
I've keep this a secret my whole life.  After losing both of our parts within 2 years of each other I figured for some reason that I could put this behind me and move forward.. that didn't happen.  My thoughts and memories kept flooding my head more and more until I confided in my wife and we decided that I needed to go and speak w someone about this.
I'd love to talk w someone who understands some of the things I've mentioned but there is just so much more I need help with.
I'm scared, afraid and most of all hurt that I lost my childhood-as my dr says " my pause button we pushed once this happened and instantly became an adult"