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Thanks Kizzie, that really helps lots.   

Hi and Thanks, Yes, that helps?
Are you suggesting (or saying) that eventually I will have more control over the emotional flashbacks, than I feel I have? Or will this mind hijacking (for lack of a better word) continue to happen in this way?

When I am flooded with emotion is searching for an answer a bad coping tool? Or are you saying just dont get so wrapped up in this? like don't make my life about this, especially when I'm feeling ok.

Thank you, and yes Kizzie, I was referring to you. Sorry for the mis-name.

I love the idea of baby steps, as I have been feeling quite overwhelmed (crazy actually),  especially last weekend. How do you do this in baby steps? I feel as though my mind was hijacked by the little me (a sad confused young me) and a bit older more masculine part (very demanding, angry, forceful, critical). I needed to make a decision about something, and a war between these parts ensued. My coping behavior was to get on the internet and try to find information about what was happening to me. Actually, that is how I found this site.

I saw my T today, and she assured me that I am not going crazy. She said that I am learning to trust her more and that these emotions (parts?) are just being made available to me because now I dissociate less, and that it somehow is a healthy thing even though I feel worse. I'm not sure if I understood her correctly, but it was something like that. Does it make sense?

I believe that this will be a great site to be a part of, so thanks for being here.

Thanks Peggy-Sue and three roses. 

I was diagnosed with ADD about 5 years ago, and have been on Adderall. I don't think it works much. In the beginning I thought it did, but now, no. When I mentioned this to the doc., he upped my prescription, and that really didn't help either.
I am new here, and I don't know what my diagnosis is really, but this CPTSD shoe is fitting.

I used bathroom breaks to regulate, to breathe, to regroup or to bring me back.

Does some of what is described fall under risk taking behavior? For me, sometimes I just love to either hike, bike, kayak, ski or swim, but sometimes I NEED to. When I need to, I refer to it as anxiety dumping. I have gotten hurt a few times, and my T at the time, thought it might be risk taking behavior, but I disagreed.

Joyful, in therapy sessions when I dissociate, my T can usually tell. I start saying, "ahh what did you say," (I guess because of the distancing in derealization) and I lean forward to try to hear her better. Also, sometimes in conversations with a friend, I miss parts of the conversation. Suddenly I realize that I have no idea what the person just said, even when I wasn't bored or not listening. There are just gaps. Makes me end conversations so I don't appear stupid.

I will hang onto those words, Three Roses, because this is where I am at, too. I know dissociation (for me... derealization sounds like what I experience) is something to let go of when there is no real threat, but my body feels threatened and the inner parts are in turmoil. The inner parts, (usually only one... a sad confused little girl) a masculine critic child and the sad little girl were fighting. Well, more like she was cowering at his(?)  harsh words, forcing something the sad child did not want to do. I cant seem to make the derealization happen or not happen... it just does, or doesn't, and it didn't, and I had to cancel my weekend plans because of this. Not able to push through and keep going like in the past. 

Any way, thanks... very enlightening topic.

  I hope I am posting in the right spot. After reading lots of stuff on this sight, Mostly by Kinsey, I think I have found, (maybe) people that understand the craziness I feel. I am in therapy, but as the disassociation wanes, (she says it is a good thing) the pain, and severity of emotional flashbacks increase. Now I am feeling them full force, and it makes me feel crazier than ever. This is the first blog I have seen, that  even mentions emotional flashbacks. I feel like I am getting worse, not better. In my opinion, I have escaped many of the pitfalls that result from CPTSD, but I am doing things now (to cope) that I have never done before, and it worries me. I do feel like I have a good T, she seems smart, and is versed in trauma, but I have a habit of hiding the pain very well, even from myself. Where is the numbing, the dissociation, when I need it?  Not until recently, have the walls of my life come crashing down. So what to do?... I can relate to the stories that were posted, especially Kinseys.

Oh, about me... I am a retired school teacher (loved my job of 35 years), a wife and mother of 2 beautiful grown girls, and a new grandmother (Poppy, my granddaughter is the absolute light of my life and I want to be there for her) I was very high functioning before, always putting nose to the grind stone, think don't feel, ignore, deny any internal bubbling of the past and moving forward with my busy life.

I'm still very active, 3 volunteer jobs, 1 p/t paying job, and watching that lil Poppy 2 days a week. But I seem to be struggling, I just can't put the past back in the box like I used to. And I find myself bowing out of things I need to do, things I like to do. I have read this in the stories, so I guess that I am in the right place. Thanks for being here.

Hi,
I am new here. I haven't posted yet, but I want to choose a different user name because I inadvertently choose my real first name. May I change it to Mayo? or HB? (second choice) Thanks