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The only way I can really describe what I'm feeling is defeat. Letting these demons take what they want and leave me in pieces. Accepting my fate. Falling into the void once again. Feeling so detached and wanting to be more distant. The longer I distance, the less I'll hurt. the feeling of just not wanting to be here, then thinking of the ones who will be sad and feeling guilt...on top of layers of shame and my inner critic screaming at me from all of this: You need to give up. He deserves better than you. He's lying. You're temporary, just around until better comes along. You're ugly. His friends don't like you. You're annoying.



Some days are good, some are like this. But no matter what day it is, I have to keep a cheerful face on. It's so darn hard. I just want to crumble.

I hate the person I am. I'm shy (but been told I come off as uptight and "think I'm too good to talk to other people) I don't have friends of my own. I often feel left out, I feel like the weird person. One of my family members is pretty much my best friend and seeing how easy it is for her talk to others and make friends is always a reminder of how screwed up I am. I wasn't allowed to have friends as a child. If someone from school called I was beat and called ugly, worthless, and told no one wants to be my friend because I was stupid.
I'm so tired of feeling like there's no hope. I'm so tired of feeling left out, unwanted. I wish I could talk to people.
I'm fortunate to have a S/O who understands social anxiety, and I'm grateful he wants to help...but i can't help but feel he deserves someone better than me. i hate these feelings so much.

*sorry for grammar/spelling mistakes and I'm sorry if I rambled!*

Hello everyone, I'm new here. Never really posted anything in a forum, so I'm new at this too.

I was recently diagnosed with CPTSD. I'm really grateful I found this site, and I'm looking forward to talking with everyone.