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Hello Mourningdove,

I am so sorry your mom does that to you.  I completely understand - the feelings of worthlessness. My mom is in her eighties, and she lives to belittle me and my siblings. I was so used to it I didn't even know other moms behaved differently. I have only learned in the past year to take more control of this and stand up for myself.  It is a daily struggle, but it is thankfully with more good days than bad.  It sounds like you are with her more than my mom, and my heart goes out to you.

It is not your fault that she chooses to do/say those things to you.  You never deserved it before, and you certainly don't now.

You do matter.  You absolutely do matter.  You always have mattered, and you always will.  I know how small and dark that inner voice can make you feel, but it is simply not true.  You are a soul who is on this Earth with a purpose, and she cannot take that away from you.  Sending hugs your way with wishes for a better evening.

Hi Rosie,

I have struggled a lot with insomnia, nightmares and sleepwalking/talking.  I was at my wit's end and my therapist gave me a wave file he created that plays binaural beat music (like sound waves) - and he quietly speaks, using guided imagery. It helps to calm my mind.  It is a dropbox file.  The file lasts for an hour but it helps to fall asleep, and calm my mind.  When I am having a really rough time, I use the Jukebox App and loop the wave file to play all night long.  It has done wonders to help me sleep. I thought I was always going to need it, but after several months I only use it to fall asleep now.  (Sometimes I don't even need it to fall asleep.)

I loop through the night when I am having a rough time when nightmares and sleepwalking/taking return.

Another key - I use noise canceling earbuds. This is key.  I use the Bose earbuds - never liked ear buds before - they hurt my ears - but I swear by them.  I wake up in the morning and my ears don't hurt. 

I hope this helps as another option to consider.  Peace to you.