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Messages - maeflye

#1
Quote from: Kizzie on January 29, 2015, 08:44:20 PM
Not to put you off the T you found, but I did want to mention that I find the labels (which are in fact diagnoses which guide treatment) are exactly the thing that finally helped me to understand what I went through as a child (I grew up with an NPD M and B and alcoholic F), and what happened to me as a result (CPTSD).  It allows me to talk to others who went through something similar and that has been absolutely invaluable. 

this really articulates my concern well.  i've been on a 15 year journey into trying to heal and figure out what the * is wrong with me ... and i'm to a point that i finally GET IT and that's really empowering to me right now.  mostly, i'm ready to stop looking at myself as the "problem."  ... i'm afraid that by "focusing on the symptoms," my T will be missing the really crucial stage i'm at where i need to experience and express and accept my anger at my inner critic and my abusers.  this isn't something -neutral- .. i don't just happen to have some symptoms.  there's a REASON.  and my life isn't going to change until i accept that reason and learn how to stop attracting NPD's into my life!

thank you for your thoughtful feedback.  like i said, it gives me a good articulation of exactly what my concerns are and also gives me a needed confidence boost. ... it's -so- hard to maintain my own opinions and point of view, especially with "authority" figures.  but i know that blindly fawning to my T will just be a waste of money and counterproductive.

let me know how it goes for you in your search.  and i'll pass on any great resources i might find, too!   ;D
#2
i should have read this post before posting my similar problem  :doh:  http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=880.0
#3
i'm looking for a "good enough" therapist and wondering if anyone has any advice about what to look for.

my main concern is finding someone who is familiar with cptsd and narcissistic abuse (i'm coming to understand my childhood and adult trauma as resulting from the textbook narcissistic behavior of my mother and exhusband).  i love in the southeaster US, so i'm looking mostly online -- because i have doubts about finding a professional in my area who's sufficiently educated about the affects of long term emotional abuse and the subtleties of the forms that abuse can take. the domestic violence support organization in my area defines dv as "if your spouse has injured you or threatened bodily harm, that is domestic abuse."  i need to find a professional who i don't have to educate. 

one of my biggest anxieties is not being believed, or being told i'm "making things up" or "reading too much into things."  this was a common crazy-making tactic for my mother when i described my experiences and it can trigger me into such levels of self-doubt and panic that i'm trying to be -really- careful to control for this trigger!

i recently did an email-session with a therapist that i found online for a sliding scale.  i wrote to her my concerns and some of my story and she was very compassionate and sweet -- but one thing she said gave me a little hesitation and i'm not sure if this is warranted or not.  in my letter to her i alluded to the fact that i now view my mother's behavior as narcissistic abuse and i referred to my symptoms as coming from cptsd from that abuse.  ... in her letter back, the therapist was very encouraging and thoughtful, but this line gave me pause, "I would however, be extremely cautious about labeling your experiencing with PTSD or Narcissistic Abuse. Right now, I would like you to only focus on composing yourself, rather than frantically searching for a label so that you can organize everything and it will all fit again."

of course, this woman is just getting to know me.  and i know that professionals will discourage self-diagnosis in general ... but because of my sensitivity to feeling dismissed and because of her use of PTSD interchangeably with my use of CPTSD, i wonder if i should keep looking or if i should keep working with her.  at the very least, i know that i should bring my concerns up with her ...

any thoughts / resources / advice is welcome and appreciated!  TIA!