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I understand your concerns. It's hard when you've already had negative experiences surrounding doctors. But a GP is not a psychiatrist and sadly sometimes they can say the complete wrong things, this doesn't mean that the right professional to asses you will also do that. It is scary not knowing how it will go, I'm the same....I'm scared they will say "your life's not been that bad, get over it" .... But I think that's just my own fear of not being validated. I think youre brave wanting to take this step. And you deserve to be heard.

I know! It took so much for me to go to my GP and I felt like she was patronising, and basically concluding from just a 2 minute conversation with me that I wasn't showing signs of being ill enough to be assessed! I felt like I then had to cram in as many  painful memories from the as I could.... just to get her to take me seriously! I'm just hoping my referral goes well because I really do feel like I've had enough of being a prisoner to my past. I just wanna be happy.

Thank you. I never thought about writing things down but now you mention it I feel like it would help me. When I'm nervous I tend to go off on an tangent so maybe writing it down will help me get stuff across to them better. I'm just really nervous, especially because when I tried to speak to my GP about some of my symptoms she responded by saying "You seem really rational an fine to me" and then went onto say " I'll refer you, but I wouldn't like a psychiatrist to diagnose you with bpd, you don't want that label on you" ....... And even worse when I tried to tell her how depressed the past still makes me, she suggested I join a choir! I have no words! So I'm apprehensive about this assessment because I just wanna feel listened to and understood a little.

Hi everyone
I found this site yesterday and I can't tell you how much relief I've found in what I've read so far. For 20yrs I've known how much my past is still affecting my life, but like a lot of people I've just tried to get on with it as best I can thinking no one will understand.
  I finally went my GP last week as I felt it's come to a point my relationship is gonna end if I can't sort my head out!
I read some stuff on bpd an yes I think I do have traits of that but when I read what cptsd is.... It just feels like a light bulb has gone on!
I'm being assessed next week and I'm worried that I won't be able to explain how bad my past was.... I was in a children's singing group  from age 11 to 15... I was looked after by a man and wife that run things... To cut a long story short... He was a paedophile and she was basically evil in my eyes.... The abuse was mainly by her and was psychological .. It's all very messed up and hard to go into the dynamic  they had but as a child I viewed them as loving and had no idea at first how sinister they were. I remember being suicidal around age 13 because I felt trapped in * basically. I couldn't tell my parents because looking back they had brainwashed me into thinkung I would end up in trouble for telling. The problem is I seem to have lost a lot of my memory... I can't remember  many instances where things took place, even though I know this went on for yrs. I seem to remember snippets of the aftermath... Like crying on my own or praying to God of a night to let me die. I have emotional flashbacks daily now which I only learnt yesterday what they were from this site, so thank you. I feel like my past still rules me, like I will never escape them, even though I've not seen them in 20ys now! When I'm assessed I'm scared I won't be able to get the severity of what they were doing to me across because I can't remember enough? Do I make sense? Sorry for rambling on ...

Thank you so much! I'll check those links out. For the first time in 20yrs I feel like stuff makes sense now! I had no idea what flashbacks where, I couldn't tell my partner my feelings as I knew they didnt match up to the event that was happening in the present.... I thought if I told the truth I would just look like I was being irrational or dramatic.... But after reading up on this, I can see that certain things trigger me instantly back to those past events. Even the fight or flight response makes sense, because in all my relationships when something triggers me, my first response is anger an my mind telling me get out of this, leave the relationship right now, even though it could be the tiniest thing that happened. The feelings feel that horrendous in that moment that I tell myself to run away over and over. I'm gonna look into all this a lot more but all I can say is I'm so grateful I found this site, I see it as a positive sign that there's hope for me.

Ive not been diagnosed with cptsd as I've only just been to my GP finally to get help... I've been referred to the mental health team next wk... But reading up on all of this just makes so much sense to me!
I had a question about the amnesia part though.... I was abused from age 11 to 15 ... and its affected my whole life... I wish I would of got help sooner but I didn't understand what was going on or why I was behaving the way I was. I constantly feel like something will trigger me back to the past.. An it's not a visual thing but an emotional one... A small event to others can somehow spiral me into a state of panic and a deep feeling of just disgust and hatred for myself... :-( I know it comes from the past not the present but I can't stop it happening. I'm a nightmare to be in a relationship with because I my mood switches so fast an I feel myself using defence mechanisms that I used back then to cope... Even though logically I know it's not happening to me anymore... It's like auto pilot and  I feel like I'm right back in the past again...  I wanted to ask about the amnesia part .... This abuse went on weekly for yrs yet I can only remember certain snipits of it.... And mainly I just remember the aftermath.... Like sitting crying alone after it... And how low, isolated, and horrible I felt.... I do remember some events that happened but I feel like most of it I can't remember for the life of me.... Which frustrates me a bit because I feel like I want to remember more... Because I don't know if that would help me understand why I feel so so horrible about myself... And why I feel so unlovable? Does this make sense?