Messages

Hi Three Roses and sanmagic7

Thank you both so much for the warm welcome. It is good to be amongst people who understand. I think there is a lot of power in that.

Thank you for your good wishes. I think I do believe I am finally heading in the right direction. It just takes a long, long time to improve things when they got so bad. I always thought I was invincible and that I did not have the feelings to damage but I think that the realisation that there is really a lot to sort has hit home. That being said, I think starting to grasp that is a big step towards healing in and of itself.

Certainly here in the U.K. My experience personally and professionally has generally been the CPTSD=BPD. The main exceptions I have come across are my GP (who suggested CPTSD back in the noughties) and my current therapist. And not sure people know what to do with those who don't fit well used diagnostic molds. Esp with more than one diagnosis.

I have had some damaging experiences with therapy. One who was really damaging and I actually wonder if she was a sociopath herself. One who had extremely wobbly boundaries and one I was going to see whilst at school and struggling with ED, before my headmistress said she would not give me a good reference for uni if I went to see her. Anyhow. Got someone good now so that is the main thing.

I can't sleep at the moment. Combination of elevated mood and things messing with my head. So currently trying out various make up techniques and watching telly. I think I must be a bit on the high side mood wise as I currently have a face covered in a lot of gold highlighter and I am sporting turquoise, glittery eyes and coral lips. For a long time after my "breakdown" (I really believe they exist), I lost all interest in make up which had been a big love of mine since being a young kid. A few months ago the love came back and I think it is a sign of a step in the right direction to loving myself and being nice to myself (difficult).

Anyhow sorry to go on.

Hope you guys are doing ok

WW

Hi

WonkyWombat here. I wanted to write a hello post and introduce myself a bit. I found this place via a search looking at effects of multiple, serious, childhood traumas on children and also when they are adults. I actually was not expecting to find the volume of research that I did. It does make me kind of bitter that the work was not done when I was a kid, and even more bitter no one picked up on any of it. Perhaps I am too good at hiding things.

Anyhow I went through a lot of childhood trauma, in Africa and also back in the UK. I had a load of baggage from all this I had never dealt with and also have a serious mental illness diagnosed (bipolar with psychosis). Some years ago things got to a critical mass and I ended up in hospital via a serious, failed suicide attempt. I lost a promising career and am still recovering and trying to find my path through life.

But now I have help and support I did not trust to have before. I have a wonderful girlfriend who I love so much and lots of other stuff in my life. Including a complicated, but rewarding relationship with faith. Lots of other stuff too. And my mood etc is being treated and I have a therapist who is incredibly patient in terms of me learning and trusting how to talk about things I have spent my whole life hiding.

It is very diffficult to open up when your default is to hide everything from everyone. It is difficult to learn to trust.

Anyhow - that is a bit of stuff about me.

Nice to meet you all

WW