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thanks Dee! Yeah my biggest kid is also 17 - i was a clingy, anxious emotional wreck at the thought of anyone going near him when I was a new mother, got a bit easier the more kids we had, still a basket case though - too many triggers. Totally with you on the no-go for staying over at peoples houses. If only the world were different. I am trying to balance out now, plan ahead - what I can handle, what to stay firm on as I vague out - get all dissociate-y and end up getting dictated to by these little guys, so need to stay on top of it! Great job on your parenting, you sound like you did really well in the light of everything. amazing.

Has anyone seen the Netflix doco The Keepers? Woah!! its all at once horrifying (lots of trigger warnings here) but I felt such relief and elation at hearing this stuff come to light, seeing the most incredible and strong women - some as ferocious investigators and others as survivors in various stages of healing. Knowing there are women in the world out there like this has inspired me. Jean Wehner is in her 60's and her words were like a lighthouse for me.  Jean started to remember her abuse at around age 40 and hearing her discuss this (and more) with such insight is astonishing. These women are heroes!!!! It helps so much to have someone to look up to, navigating through life with similar trauma. I have huge gratitude to the people behind this documentary. I think it is a spearhead.

Anyways, thought I would post in case you have already seen it and want to jump on this thread.
If you haven't seen it, its very detailed in the telling of the abuse - sexual, mental and spiritual... I don't recommend seeking it out if you're in a vulnerable state.
If you do watch it - watch with support, someone to talk to afterwards and give yourself space to grieve and/or process. X

hi! yes i have this memory loss too... so much of what all of you have described happens to me, its pretty alarming and strange. I forget people, conversations, events and day to day stuff unless I focus on it. I also have lot more trouble concentrating at the moment, and get super flustered then shut down. Sad but a massive relief to see this post, not alone etc....

Oh man, so many symptoms with this cptsd, wading through them everyday...
I have 4 kids, youngest is 5 and I am hyper vigilant and prone to huge panic strikes over their safety. Not all the time - and they are all intrepid explorers - very confident - so naturally its a big job anyway. But my distrust in humans casts the biggest shadow.... to me every second person could be/is a paedophile, and (to me) the system/community/family won't protect them. That was my childhood experience and I cannot for the life of me shake it, I just hide my panic from my kids.... my husband is more of a 'free range' parent and tends to make light of my panic (still working on that one, but he's otherwise supportive) so I keep all the potential worst case scenarios to myself. Argh. I often leave a playground with my kids and am emotionally exhausted and on edge.
Anyone else dealing with something similar?