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Thank you both very much, yes i will forsure try to stay in touch, thank you for the responses..
i will also look into a sleep specialist and will check out outofthefog as well.. thank you both..

i have recognized the sensation as well....my mind/brian...is stuck....it really cannot relax...i shut my eyes even now....and there is the subtle/subliminal tension that won't lift...like a stagnant stressor feeling....sort of like your thinking of a word that has slipped your mind...or you the feeling you get right before your head hit the pillow..eyes shut and slightly squinted...a feeling..that normally..once your head hit the pillow, would lift or melt away and your eyes, mind and tension, would relax....mine does not relax...it is stuck i hate it..i want to relax..i feel like crying out of frustration because of this...i would give anything to have it gone and to be able to sleep

Okay. Please forgive me if this is all over the place...im in some desperate need for help on what to do.

to start...ive always been a very healthy person..mentally and physically..college athlete musician..work on cars...always have been positive minded and driven
i made the mistake of getting into a relationship with a narcissistic..possibly borderline..im not sure.. girlfriend completely emotionally/mentally/psychologically...even at times physically...when i tell you she is the worst...words cannot describe how smart cunning and straight up evil she is...negative...nasty..and the biggest manipulator i have ever met in every aspect of the word and her life.
2 years of a very up and down relationship....i broke it off many times because of how manipulative things were...but being incredibly smart and charismatic and manipulative she managed to pull me back in..
the relationship came to a sudden/jarring gut wrenching end...it left me questioning myself..as i was gaslighted and brainwashed throughout...but more importantly because i was always on edge and on guard with a heightened sense of vigilance ..fight/flight mode with her..i guess it left me traumatized
...back story is i have a father who was never obviously abusive...but he is completely narcissistic in nature..and subliminally emotionally and mentally abusive...its really sick sometimes...especially because i am suffering now he still  pokes his subliminal abuse to boost his ego..and its always been walking on egg shells around him...the weird glares/glances...stuff like that...ive always been a light sleeper and had nights with troubled sleep...

i was perfectly predisposed for the relationship and the abuse ...and the effect it had on me...and for her...and she takes the cake on any narcissistic canning evil character you might see in a film...im not kidding one bit and i need to stress how serious

since the end of the relationship i have no slept....not at all....i went a full month without sleep after it ended not realizing what was going on...decided to finally get help....but couldn't find a therapist/psychiatrist who would see me soon enough (they had openings months away)....i finally went 2 months of no sleep at all and me and my mother decided to go to the ER to see what to do and to get a sooner referral....at this point i wasn't sleeping...haveing panic attacks...and what little sleep i would get(1-2 hours at most) i would wake up and jolt awake from intense nightmares
at that time i was able to fall asleep..but would wake up 20 mins later from a nightmare..an hour..2 tops if i was lucky
when i went to the er....they diagnosed me with ptsd...(i had been jumped....and robbed...2 seperate occasions while also in the relationship itself) but the relationship was forsure the main point to my issues...never had sleep problems following the 2 occasions...the relationship was 2 years of every single say mind games and torture/guit trips/stalking/harrasment/abuse.
i was referred to an outpatient program leaving the ER and was prescribed minipress....
minipress was a bit late because i had lost my ability to fall asleep all together
iv been in outpatient and the program does give me the tools that will help me to cope...but they took their time on medication for panic or sleep...
i practice deep breathing..meditation...and go to acupuncture which is the best out of anything medication included...

this is where my problem lies...it has been now 3months+ of no sleep..i go most nights without any sleep...i get maybe 1-2 nights a week where i get my few moments of sleep
my memory is going...along with all other cognitive stuff..physically my body is shutting down too
i was prescribed nuerontin for sleep
but hasn't worked
my body and mind are hyper vigilant...and living in the aptmosphere with my father leaves me on alert also
this girlfriend is relentless also...and abusive still...after leaving and cheating on me...she is now harassing me...calling me from multiple different numbers...i have her blocked yes...but she has an app that generates numbers i guess...she messages me...i have done my best not to look...and i don't answer when i suspect its her calling...it leaves me jumping when my phone goes off....today i finally couldn't take it anwered..and told her to stop and leave me alone and told her what has been going on...that I've been in therapy...ptsd...havent slept..suciadal...panic attack..and i need to focus on me and heal....of course she doesn't care about that what so ever and continues with guilt trips how i don't ever think of her....yeaaaaa
so my phone has been off...i plan to change it...but she start now calling my house from different numbers..
i feel trapped because of my family situation,...and because this girl that has put me in this situation...and lives 2 mins away feeds off of this...i feel i need to get away
but i also need to sleep...and nothing has worked....they prescribed me remeron finally...but it isn't real sleep that i get....i have vivid nightmares because of it throughout the entire night because of it and wake up many times....and the sleep i get is active mind sleepiing which essentially not sleeping or allowing your mind to turn off and rest...and i wake ip actually visibly and physically feeling worse than if i had not slept at all
her father is a cop...and an equally narcissistic sadistic manipulator...hes on wife like 3-4
so idk how well restraining order will stick if i try

i need sleep help is the biggest thing but any insight on any of this is much appreciated.....it seems as though sleep is impossible...ive had a break from the harassment for 2 months before the immediate harassment from the ex...i still was unable to sleep...is sleep possible throughout all of this or in the future?
i believe I'm experiencing burnout from all of this also from all the stress of the relationship...all my hormones have been thrown off and my adrenals were checked and in crisis

sorry for being all over the place..im pretty desperate for sleep...that is my biggest issue