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...Big breasts = intelligence ()

Hi Katarina,

Thank you for sharing your story. And welcome  .
I am new here too. I joined as part of a search to find answers and I suppose some support too. However, I'm beginning to realize that I could help myself by being a support of some sort for others - even if it's a small word here and there. I'm beginning to see that most of the people here are willing to do the same, so I think you'll be in good company.
Every story, like yours, moves me.
Whoever you are, where ever you are, I send you thoughts of strength.

Thank you for the kind welcome.

So having read a few posts from other members, I realize I share many sentiments and even stories.
One of my concerns, like others, is that I don't have horrific tales of physical abuse. I understand that all our stories are valid and warrant respect and compassion no matter who they come from or what they are.

Still, there is a level of dysfunction in my current life that I cannot shake.

Intellectually I can understand the psychological-logic of how I wound up this way, but at my core I feel fundamentally flawed and incapable. More so because from the outside my story is 'tame' and yet I have a completely irrational fear of the world. A fear and repulsion of people that doesn't quite match what I know to be true.

I have been privileged enough to hear the stories of many people from all sorts of backgrounds. Some are tales of love and some of the most terrible, gut-wrenching abuse. Sometimes I'm deeply moved. Other times I'm horribly judgmental. Every time is, however, a reflection of how I see my own story.

No matter how much I know and understand, my self-depreciation and hopelessness is all-consuming. I have a very loud Super-ego that serves as survival-no-matter-what. It tells me to "just get over my past" and get on with things. And yet, I'm clearly not functioning at all.

I'm not sure I'm ready to make C-PTSD 'my' label (or any other diagnosis for that matter), nor am I even willing to adopt my story as an identity, but I do know that I look like a textbook candidate for C-PTSD from the outside.

I've explored everything from schizotypal, bipolar, avoidant, borderline, hyperchondriac, social phobia, GAD, ADHD to Autism spectrum, and "just plain lazy" (none of which really fit)... and somewhere in between, C-PTSD.

Perhaps I'll hang around a bit more.

Thank you again 

Hello!

After years and years of 'research' and much angst, I'm hoping I'm at the right place here...
Looking forward to some enlightenment.
At the very least I hope I can leave a little smile  if I'm not here long.