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Messages - lillwall79

#1
Hi there!
I also developed CPTSD in adulthood. Was in a relationship with a narcissist for almost 15 yrs. My cptsd did come two yrs after I left him and was triggerd by an incident with my new man after we had our son. I´ve been living with this for 3,5 years now and I feel so tired and frustrated.

My foo does not get this at all and treats me like I´m having a light depression. I had an incident with my sister last week, she didn´t want to understand a thing from my perspective, and now she is punishing me by closing me out and not talking to me at all. She wants me to say I´m sorry but I did not do anything wrong. Both my sisters does this to me when I say something that doesn´t suits them. So after this incident I´m having a really bad week, with really bad thaughts and my anxiety is constant day and night. I´m just so tired, feel like I want to go and hide in a cave from all pepole in the world, for the rest of my life! If I didn´t had my husband and son, I probably would.

My husband is the best and helps me so mutch. But that also scares me every day because I get so afraid that he will get tired of me and leave me. I get paranoid and think he is seeing someone else mutch better than me. I also fight my flight mode everyday, I just want to escape somewhere else, to the end of the world or where ever. I want to move from my hometown because there is just som many triggers everywhere but i don´t know if it will help me or if I will feel just the same wherever I live? Does anyone have any thaughts about me moving if you think it will help? I live in a small town so there is memories pretty mutch in every corner! When we leave for vacation I feel so mutch better most of the times but when we comes home it´s like meeting a 100 ft black wall hoovering over me :(

Sorry if I misspelled words, I´m not from an English speaking country.