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Hi LadyBoar,

If I haven't yet said "Welcome to the forum", here it is now

Thank you for adding more insight to this thread!

I work quite a bit with imagery and imagination techniques so you giving me a visual is especially helpful.

Now make the cube a shape that has hundreds of sides that can only be seen in different angles.

This ^^ part of the image is particularly apt for what we're dealing with re: cptsd I think.

I'm sorry you've had dissociative episodes too, and of course relating to hitting the same nail over and over again. Tho when I'm not in a bit of or a lot of an EF, I can usually see that there's been a tiny change to the nail - bit smaller, bit chipped off etc. But I'm very often in EFs and don't notice.

From the blurb: For me, the biggest thing I had to push through wasn't the outside world — it was my own self-limiting behaviors.

Not getting enough sleep.
Spending too much time on YouTube.
Not fully completing tasks.
Not taking full responsibility for the results I wanted to create.
Letting my untamed inner child run the show instead of connecting with him and bringing him onboard with my vision.

All of that was keeping me from the personal growth, joy, and contribution that I now know are possible. I used to think it was a lack of discipline. But it wasn't. It was old wiring — subconscious patterns designed to protect me that had long outlived their purpose.

Once I learned how to rewire those patterns, everything changed.

That's the journey I'll be sharing more about during my interview this Wednesday, where I'll talk about how breathwork and awareness helped me transform my self-limiting behaviors into clarity, purpose, and freedom.



We've brought together 50+ world-class experts in neuroscience, psychology, and transformation — including Jim Kwik, Kristin Neff, Peter Levine, Jessica Maguire, Dave Asprey, Nicole Sachs, John Gray and many more — to help you uncover the patterns that hold you back and rewire them at their source.

...

Warmly,
Michael Stone
Co-Creator, Rewiring to Break Free from Self-Limiting Behaviors Summit
Founder, NeuroDynamic Breathwork® & NeuroDynamic Institute

[Intergenerational Trauma]

Free live webinar: Mapping Your Intergenerational Trauma Thurs 13 Nov. 2025 12pm EST / 5pm GMT

Join Dr Alex Howard and Dr Diane Poole Heller for a FREE 90-minute live webinar to Understand Parentification, Estrangement, and Your Ancestral Inheritance

From the blurb: "In the 90-minute session, we'll demystify the impacts of intergenerational trauma and how to break the cycle–specifically:

✅ How parentification shapes your entire identity
✅ The hidden dynamics of estrangement and when distance isn't always the answer
✅ How inherited trauma impacts your emotions and decisions
✅ Practical tools to help understand your family trauma patterns and begin to heal"

https://www.rewiringselflimitingbehaviors.com/home-a?a_aid=breathwrk#a_aid=breathwrk

As always: These types of conferences and summits are always free during the conference. Once you sign up, you'll get a fair number of emails suggesting you pay for permanent access. That's really not necessary. The material gets recycled - it'll come up in another conference/summit in a few months!

+ see my post here for additional general info: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16458.0

1) I did and enjoyed some garden work and even outside sweeping, all communal work rather than my own. Good to do that too tho. Gives me a sense of purpose atm

2) I found a huge bunch of red roses on the free pantry shelf, brought them home and now have 2 vases in separate rooms

3) Had a nice chat with one of my neighbours when working in garden

Just now I realised that I've achieved what I was worried I couldn't here: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?msg=153849 Feels like a big achievement to have moved onto this step of recovery

but i did get something for my restless legs and some anti-dep/anxiety meds, and some sedative stuff - which i've had before - to help me get to sleep.  so, i should be good to go.

Sorry tho that you weren't given quite everything you need and that you felt a bit pushed into things

Good on your d for standing up for you and her!

so i can totally see why it wouldn't have been listed as a 'cause'

Just to clear up any confusion, or is the negative a typo? - Anxiety was given as a possible cause! It's cptsd that they didn't have as a cause. In this case, I'm happy that they have anxiety instead because that way it's narrowed down for me. But of course if anxiety isn't commonly seen as part and parcel of cptsd in some other countries, then that's a great pity. Means some people are going to miss out on the information.

and, i actually had a huge bout of this the other nite, due, i am sure, by my anxiety over the doc appt. i went to yesterday.  major chills for nearly 2 hrs., bundled up to sleep out in the living room, slept 2 hrs., woke up feeling feverish and hot, and went to bed.

Oh, I'm so sorry san! Please rest up good  

Cool that you can make the connection to conversion disorder san. And particularly that you haven't lost your legs recently!

I hope the appt went better than you might have thought 

asdis, my heart goes out to you.

   reading both your journals there's a whole lot going on internally for you atm. Also sounds like big, deep EF. I've been there recently too due to the depth of trauma processing I'm doing. Hang in there, it does get better, there will be little glimmers on the horizon.

I don't think I've managed to write on your journals much recently but I have been reading. I was proud of you for going on the walk and writing about that as I was totally incapable at the time myself.

As someone with Parts and also pains and sensations that communicate what's going on internally, I'm heartened to read about Left Hand.

1) Decided it's time I got back on (some sort of) track and followed through

2) I cooked a fairly healthy meal, using up various bits of veg while I was about it

3) I have done some tidying - all of the: a bit here and a bit there variety

4) Finally had a shower and hairwash - in fact first big thing I did after deciding it's time I got back on track

5) I've done a little spot-cleaning, also of the: a bit here and a bit there variety.

6) I feel better having done a little tidying and cleaning. I especially feel better when I'm in the kitchen

[pretty deep stuff on what I'd see as a core wound with my OT]

I've kind of answered my own question just this week. I ended up doing pretty deep stuff on what I'd see as a core wound with my OT. Inner Child work + somatic stuff I was aware of.

So it's probably not so much the method as how much I'm able to work on a core wound. I know I said during the work that I'd been there before just not at such a deep level.

I'm repeating this for myself and anybody else interested! With some bolding added.

Welcome to the forum, EB!

I hope you come to find this forum as supportive as I have over the years. There's always at least one person who can relate to any symptom or experience I write about, which is very validating, and doesn't happen outside the forum to this extent or at all in many cases.