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does anyone else mix up left and right, especially under pressure?

Sometimes, yes. Where I tend to mix them up is when doing physical exercises. So, the instructor says e.g. "put your right foot on your left ankle" and it takes me so much time to figure out what goes where that the instructor has probably moved on... I also once remember having to look very long and carefully at my shoes to figure out which one would go on which foot. I was inpatient at the time. My trauma T suggested I had probably been in a very small inner child at the time.

Also check this thread https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=17082.msg158515#msg158515

Kizzie, will you please let us know when the technical difficulties are sorted? I feel a bit wary of writing long posts atm in case they disappear, as has sometimes happened in the past when technical updates were done by OOTF. Or maybe these technical difficulties are different and will not cause irreversible disappearance of recent posts?

Thank you for all your work on and for OOTS,
Blueberry

Just figuring out which arm im supposed to move

Oh, you have that problem too? Useful to know that it's a dissociative disconnect.

This was the first day I managed, and I did both sessions. I loved the emphasis placed on Choice, like 3 different ways to do one exercise and you choose what feels best for your body. I have never been in any yoga 'place' where that was the case. In fact, always more like there is only one way OR later there's one normal way which can be altered like so or like so when your body can't manage physically.

I discovered how tense my body is, off the scale tense. And I don't want to feel it physically or feel into much either. Interestingly enough, I was able to relax a bit in both sessions, in the second session more my mind than my body. Still, I could feel this tiny sliver of relaxation.

1) I gathered in some good energy this evening

2) I used that good energy to propel myself into the shower and then into my night clothes

3) and now after (2) I feel so much better

4) I made myself something warm to eat for the first time today

5) I did lots of work on my Duolingo course, and then when I noticed I was beginning to make 'silly' mistakes, I allowed myself to stop.

[Armee]

Wow! Thanks for this Armee 

Fortunately, I seem to be feeling better already,

   

It's good to celebrate the good days or even good hours!

For me, it goes in cycles (a year or two ago things were generally manageable for about 3 weeks and then I'd have a down phase. It wasn't moon-related!) so I'm no longer really surprised when I go into a difficult or tiring phase, or am plain in an EF. It isn't fun though, so I'm happy for you that you were feeling better when you wrote.

Also good that you have support from 12 Step groups, or people in them. I used to, but it got to a point where I just got triggered the whole time and triggered other people in the groups too, but some of the sayings are still helpful for me. Whatever tools you have in your toolkit - it's good to use, with cptsd.

I still get notifications from Avaiya. I don't have the wherewithal atm to do more than bump this old thread, but if you google Avaiya, you'll find that they now offer I think it's 12 freebie courses a year on a whole bunch of stuff, most of which is probably useful for people with cptsd. Anxiety, depression, overcoming trauma in some form etc etc.

For general info on freebie conferences/courses, check my second most recent thread on Conferences/Courses.

1) I finally phoned a friend today to thank her for a little birthday prezzie that came my way, and just to have a chat. We had a nice long chat.

2) The sun was shining - I enjoyed it through the closed window. It's a different, nicer kind of warmth than the heater warmth

3) I'm keeping going at my language-learning on duolingo - today I practised one bout in the morning and one in the evening

Thanks for commenting Teddy bear and bringing this old thread back up again! It's interesting for me to read again, including my own posts.

Last time I was in inpatient therapy my depression diagnosis was upped from: MDD Medium to: MDD Severe. Atm I'm struggling with almost everything: getting up, staying up, personal hygiene, cleaning, tidying, phoning friends (emails are a little easier but not as helpful as real person-to-person contact like hearing a real voice), going out of the house for a breath of fresh air...

Not so surprising, there are things it would be better to communicate to somebody which I am not doing and that tends to create a backlog of unprocessed emotions and then depression gets worse, in my case. I'm also feeling useless and feeling despair and that all feeds into the depression.

Seconding Sceal too, not that Sceal has been on the forum for a while I think.

  to you PapaCoco. You made it! You married Coco! Your FOO didn't win that one.

Asdis, is there any chance you could get hold of pesticide-free fruit and veggies, so either somebody else's homegrown or organic, especially from small farms or small market gardens where you can trust that they are actually organic? I know that's a long shot but thought I'd suggest it. No need to justify yourself if not feasible because I can imagine all sorts of hindrances.

Before I knew I had cptsd I worked on my own ED both inpatient and outpatient. I remember back then I was a little underweight tho I didn't believe that, I was often exhausted, i had a lot of stomach pain and digestive trouble plus on the advice of my doctor at the time I was avoiding this food and that food  and everything was getting worse rather than better... I saw a different doctor who did the 'right' tests the way dollyvee probably means and he really listened and I found out later that in his opinion I couldn't digest anything anymore in a figurative way. In my first inpatient stay in the ED group that's the kind of thing they said too, or rather they'd ask certain patients: What else can't you digest? Who else/What else are you allergic to? I had a nut allergy when I was admitted and based on various of my emotional reactions I'd say now that there was a lot of fear behind the allergy. In fact towards the end of that super-long inpatient stay, I tried out nuts and I had no reaction. In the intervening years whether or not I have a real reaction to nuts that I mistakenly consume depends on how emotionally stable I am. I never reacted again with the intensity of the pre-inpatient stay, and even if I had a minor itch, I could sometimes talk myself out of it. This isn't to say that allergies don't exist, because they do! But there could be an emotional component too. If it doesn't resonate in any way, just ignore all that. It's going to be harder with DID anyway. It would be wonderful if all your docs and therapists etc could work together to tease it all apart.

Anyway I hope you can feel a little lighter even with just writing it out here and feeling understood or semi-understood.

Oh yeah, reviving old threads is a good idea. There's lots of really useful info and experience in old threads. I just didn't want you to be disappointed when OP doesn't respond.

Nevish hasn't  been on the forum since 2017 So likely not to reply Teddybear.