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Thank you everyone for the encouragement.  I will be able to check out the rest of the board soon. 

Thank you for the kind words.

I guess I am working on both past and current abuse.  I think that I have behaviors unresolved from childhood abuse that have allowed the current abuse to happen.  My childhood involved physical and sexual abuse by 2 different men, emotional abuse and emotional abandonment by my mother, rape by a boyfriend, and 3 days for which I have no memory but feel certain something horrendous happened involving one or both of the men that abused me. 

I suffered from advanced stage 3 Endometriosis for nearly 30 years.  I finally had excise surgery about 6 years ago and am no longer in pain.  The recover was not smooth.  It took more than 3 years for my hormones to even out. 

My husband has some control and anger issues.  I recently read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship," by P. Evans and felt like someone finally understood what I was going through. 

The support group at the women's shelter is helping me identify survival coping mechanisms that are unhealthy.  I am working hard to identify triggers and untangle my responses to the triggers.  It is very confusing.  I fear the list will be endless, because of so many years of trauma. 

As far as what support means to me, I have no idea.  I have a few close childhood friends that I still talk with and are supportive (my chosen family).  I have been in and out of counseling many times over the years with mixed results.  My biggest issue with counseling has been not being diagnosed with CPTSD.  I had one counselor tell me that they didn't know why I was in counseling and couldn't help me.  I diagnosed my self eventually and told the last counselor I had a diagnosis on the first visit.  It would have been helpful at some point along my journey for one counselor to say, "You have PTSD.  Lets talk about what that means."  I have to admit that part of my issues stem from being really good at hiding my pain and acting like everything is fine.  Some lessons are too well learned - "Don't show the enemy weakness or they will use it against you."  "Don't talk about abuse, not like anyone will believe you anyway."  "I am alone, because no one else can emotionally/cognitively handle my reality." 

What is support, what does that look like, and how to I ask for it?  That is a big question that I am trying to answer myself.

Hello -

So happy to have found this board.  I have been looking for support and found little in my area.  I am hoping that this will be what I am looking for. 

I have a long history of abuse during my childhood, age 8 to age 16.  I am currently in a marriage that has become verbally and emotionally abusive.  We are both in counseling separately and I have been attending a support group by myself at the women's shelter.  I am trying to sort out old vs. new CPTSD symptoms and isolate issues and triggers that I need to work on.  It is very confusing right now, as I have a 25 year relationship to think back on (married for 20 years).  I am currently experiencing quite a few symptoms.  I had major depression and was able to pull through with medication.  It is like waking up from a fog.  I find myself thinking "how did I get here?," quite a lot.