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Thanks for the warm welcome 

Hi there,

I've already posted some of this information on another thread, so apologies for repetition.

My C-PTSD started just over a year ago, which is just over a year since the actual trauma itself gradually ended and I'd just begun to get my life back together again. I am now six months into therapy, initially CBT and more lately EMDR.

The trauma itself was five years of caring for my teenage son as he battled with anorexia nervosa and clinical depression / suicidal tendencies. It was a 24/7 fight and too horrendous and triggering to describe here. Thankfully he is now recovered.

I found this forum having come across its sister forum a while ago, but wasn't aware of a specialist C-PTSD forum until today, so am grateful to have found you!

At the moment my life has ground to a halt, really, in that I can't concentrate on anything for more than a minute or so, can't face most things ("too big"), even the simplest most straightforward of things, am self-isolating in a Big Way, and staying at home rather than getting out of the house. I have shouting nightmares most nights, all anxiety-driven, not flashbacks to the trauma itself but other things that scream out extreme anxiety. I also have all the physical symptoms of anxiety: IBS, heart palpitations, exhaustion, insomnia, over / under-eating, nausea, the works.

I feel as if I've turned into someone else - a stranger.

And, of course, the inner-critic has revved itself up screaming at me that I'm a failure, I'll never be able to focus on anything for more than a couple of minutes, will end up isolated and friendless, blah blah blah. Aaarrggh!

So that is me, in a nutshell. Thank you for listening!! 

Thank you for your warm welcome and empathy. I was / am a moderator on another support forum (for another mental health issue) and so really appreciate everyone rallying round to help now I'm here with my newbie hat on.

I'll give you a little background. My C-PTSD doesn't stem from any childhood abuse or an abusive partner. It stems from five years of being the primary carer for my teen son as he battled with a hellish mental illness - anorexia, along with clinical depression. It was five years of *. Thankfully he has now recovered. After approx a year of me recovering from this trauma, too, and beginning to get my life back I was suddenly hit, like a bolt out of the blue, with this C-PTSD. Well, not like a bolt out of the blue, I guess it crept in the back door, and gradually I realised that I had changed. Then, just over a year ago, I realised I needed professional help!

I've been struggling with the CPTSD over the past year and thankfully have fixed the numbness (although sometimes I think the numbness had its benefits!!), but am stuck, now, kind of frozen, like a stone statue or a rabbit in the headlights, unable to focus on anything or concentrate, with extreme anxiety, almost nightly nightmares (shouting, moaning, groaning, etc) which leave me feeling awful the following day and coiled up like a spring inside.

I panic at the way I just can't do all those things I should / could be doing - things that I did before all of this and which I was beginning to pick up again after all those years of putting my life on hold while I battled with my son and his illness, 24/7 (that is another story...)

Before the CPTSD reared its ugly head, I was busy helping other families that were going through eating disorders with their teens, I even wrote a couple of books and a blog, spoke at conferences, etc - but then, a year ago, that all stopped and I just couldn't face any of it. Since then I haven't done any of this stuff and have avoided the forum referred to above. It triggers panic / anxiety attacks too much. But what was good about all of this was that I built up such a great circle of friends and now seem to be actively severing myself from them and isolating myself. And they were / are genuine friends, too. I miss them! It's not great and it's all down to this frozen / stone statue / rabbit in headlights thing which I just don't seem to be able to shift. So I feel kind of isolated in this new era in the post-teen-anorexia world because I don't think I can ever go 'back there'. It's too triggering. Daft thing is that if anyone would understand what I'm experiencing (aside from all of you here, of course!), they would, but I just can't face anything to do with 'that world'.

Anyhow, I've been ranting on a bit, so I'll stop. Just wanted to give a bit of background.

Thanks everyone, again.

[Everything.]

That's the best way to describe it: everything just seems 'too big'. Everything. There is too much going on inside my head, too many things I should be doing, like a crazy snowstorm of stuff whizzing around my head. Result? I am like a rabbit caught in the headlights and can do NOTHING. Complete inaction, constantly nagged by the Inner-Critic-on-Steroids inside my head which leaves me feeling physically sick.

I have to literally force myself to do stuff: socialise, exercise, work, be a functioning wife and mother, go on vacation, read a book, watch TV... anything. It is all just 'too big' and sends me into a frenzy of panic. Also lots of physical symptoms which are very unpleasant.

I am currrently seven months into treatment for C-PTSD. After a series of CBT sessions which focussed on removing the 'numbness' I'd been experiencing for so long (successful), I am now undergoing EMDR because my anxiety levels have gone overboard. Last night, for instance, my H and I went out with a couple he knows (I'd never met them before) for a restaurant meal. On the surface I appeared just like a normal sociable, ordinary person having a good evening; inside it was.... well.... whoosh! Like a Tsunamii going on!! I couldn't eat - felt as if I was going to vomit after every mouthful, and ate nothing, really. Followed by a terrible night with all the usual lucid shouting / moaning / groaning nightmares which occur at least four times a week...

Not surprisingly I am fed up with feeling like this and want to get back to 'normal'. Googling 'PTSD, everything seems too big' this morning I came across the Outofthefog website which I'd come across before and noticed there is this new forum for C-PTSD, so here I am! Just knowing that other people are experiencing something similar will be of great help.

I live in the UK, by the way and so am receiving treatment from the NHS (National Health Service) Mental Health Services.

Thanks everyone...