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There is an article I read recently about the problem of under and over-arousal with cPTSD.  I'll post it when I remember where I found it, because it contains a lot of useful information.  Sleep problems are the pits, and very common around here.  I feel for you.

Sounds like a really interesting read! Often my sleep problems like to flip flop as well, sorry to hear you have to deal with under-sleeping, it truly is awful.

Thanks for the reply, your kind words mean a lot.

  Hi, let me preface this by saying I'm new and of course this post might be in the wrong spot.

  I don't really know where to start, its 3 am where I am currently, so that should tip you off to the state of my sleeping patterns. I have an abusive Nmom and an abusive by association (or something like that) eDad. I'm lucky to have gotten out in my early twenties, I moved out a few years ago, and completely cut them off last year. They're still wreaking havoc on my life and mind, my younger sister unfortunately still lives with them and we work together, so I do hear about my family's life continuing without me. I'm very close with my sister, although she is a golden child, I spent the young years of my life making sure that the majority of my mother's abuse was directed at me and not her.

  Anyway, if you don't mind I'm just going to let it out.

  I'm a shift manager at the restaurant I work at (just the kitchen), working 35-40 hours a week is exhausting me. I don't necessarily know if I can justify not working, or working less hours even. I don't know that I want to, but I need to change something.

  This current year so far has been my worst and best yet. I'm free of my parents, and I'm moving forward and making progress! However, I am also swimming through the sludgy aftermath of all of it. I've had nights where I sleep 16 hours, I've slept through entire work shifts, and I've also had 2 to 3 day stretches with no sleep. My coworkers have all noticed by now, it is a kitchen and we all talk, not that I'm ashamed but there is so much stigma surrounding mental illness. Every night I sweat to the point where my sheets and pillow are damp, I also dream of my parents on a nightly basis. The dreams are all pretty similar but different in their own "fun"  way.

  I could probably go on and on. I'm one bad day away from having a melt down, if that. I'm met with a lot of "If you need help, reach out" sentiments when looking for resources. I never thought that I would need to call a hotline or something on a bad night, and then when I did I found out the hard way that you can't get years worth of therapy over the phone in 2 minutes. Its just going to be uncomfortable small talk for me, I can't explain so much so coherently to a stranger, I'm not capable of that. There is no aspirin to take for mental anguish, my medicine doesn't take as much of an edge off as it used to, and I need some sort of release.

  This didn't end up being a question, or some large and moving statement, sorry about that. I think it would be nice to have someone to talk to who knows from experience what I'm going through. Thank you for reading this far, best wishes 

Hello! I'm new to the forum, this is actually my first post. I was diagnosed with c-ptsd recently and in my search for resources I happened upon your journal, I just want to say that i'm rooting for you, you're making progress 

Also you are not alone when it comes to the dead motivation cycle. Step 1 find something interesting, step 2 do all sorts of research and planning, step 3 abandon all hope of success or lose interest. I respect someone who gets back on the horse, it isn't easy.