Messages

Ive recently found one of the only photos of me from being a child. I am about 4 or 5 in the photo which is a huge age i dont remember. I dont remember most of my child hood but especially that time period. In the photo i have cuts and bruises on my neck and face. Something about that photo triggered me to be upset to the point where i can barely look at it. I have reason to believe something may have happened to me as a child and based off of the reasons i think this i believe it was some sort of sexual abuse but i cant remember. I have told my T all my reasons for believing so and she agrees it may be a sign that sexual abuse occured in my childhood.Does anyone else have this issue where they feel a deep gut feeling that something happened but have no proof really or memory? If so is there anything i can do to help me figure it out? I just have been obsessing about this and dont know what to do.

I was wondering if anyone else experiences this too when they are in an EF or dissociating.

When i am in an EF i tend to lay in bed, curl up in a ball, twirl my hair with my finger and suck on a pacifier. I feel little and scared. The pacifier brings me comfort like it would when i was a kid. Im not sure if this is weird or if others have similar experiences with this.

Thank you both for replying! I am so sorry you have this problem too but it gives me relief knowing its not just me and im not just like a defected when it comes to emotions. Both of your replies meant so much to me and made me feel better. Thank you 

I am very curious if anyone else has this problem. I have a huge problem with emotions, particularly love. When i love someone its a very unstable and inconsistant emotion. One day i will feel so in love with that person and then the next day i might not feel anything for that person almost numb to them and this goes back and forth randomly. Is this apart of cptsd? Im really struggling with this issue.

Does anybody have issues being commited to one person in a relationship? I am starting to realize I may have this issue and im not sure if its common with complex ptsd or not.

Thank you guys! I will do all of these things for sure. Thanks for the help and support 💖

Yes that makes so much sense. Thats how it feels like one flashback brings on the next like a chain as you said. Im sorry you go through this too but thank you for responding it always makes me feel better when i feel understood or not alone.

Is it possible to be experiencing more than 1 EF at a time? I feel like I may be experiencing 3 or 4 EF all at once in the last week but im not sure if thats even possible. Can anyone else relate to this?

Maybe but im not sure how to tell if I am or not. I feel like its never going to end.

I am struggling so badly right now. My depersonalization is out of control, I always feel detached especially mentally lately. I dont know who I am, my life feels so out of my control and power I feel like everything is moving so fast around me and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I feel very alone and defeated at the moment. Not sure how to deal with it.

Kesha recently released a new song called Praying. If you are unaware kesha was stuck in a contract with a man that sexually assaulted her for years and she finally got out of that situation and is able to make new music. This song is about overcoming abuse and finding strength within. I find it helps me with the abuse ive endured and has given me a new perspective on things. Thought id let people know in case it could be helpful to them. I will say it maybe possibly be a triggering song depending on where you are in recovery. Be safe loves ❤

Thank you Three Roses, an emotional flashback would probably make sense. Thanks so much for the help this gives me a little peace. And Sanmagic7 thank you for replying knowing others feel this makes me feel less insane so i appreciate it. I hope you find peace of mind soon and dont struggle with this for long. ❤

Omg this is me exactly. I thought i was crazy. Im sorry i hope things have gotten better

Lately i havent been sleeping. Idk how to explain it but its almost like im too scared to sleep. I panic anytime its bed time lately and experience strong depersonalization and derealization during these episodes. Does this happen to anyone else? If so do you know why?

How are you suppose to know any of those things though? I dont connect to my childhood at all so I'm not sure what i felt or what even happened.