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I hear you, I'm in the same boat. Melatonin didn't work for me but works for my friend 

I tried a few months ago to take magnesium pills at night with some valerian and after 2 weeks it helped a lot.

As you have mentioned a stepmom, I would imagine you went through some anguish when your parents got divorced?  It sounds like the new wife your father chose has some issues with anger, possibly jealousy?

Just know we are there for you! 

What complicated things is that my dad left and 1 year later my mother left and i had to go live with my father. They are not bad people and they love me, but by being highly sensitive i guess a lot of things hurt me.

Thank you for your kind word ❤️

Maybe I'm not ready to face the reality, but i find that the word abuse is way too strong for what happened to me.

My parents never yelled at me, never called me names, they never hit me.

Yes, I had to be daddy's little perfect girl and I had to always be good and never reply to him and that my step mother was harsh on me, but so many of you had it way harder than me!

Lingurine, I was not abused but I was highly critisized and forbidden to show any anger whatsoever.

I f I can, I would like to share a few of my principals symptoms. 1st time ever that I'll share this.

I feel hyper vigilance most of the time. I always observ other's facial expression and tone of voice to be sure that they are not angry at me.

I am mostly  very anxious when I drive by myself and going home. Without noticing it, i'm asking myself if my husband will be in a good mood. Like I want to prepare myself for the worse.

If my husband doesn't answer my phone call or texting during the day, I sincerely assume that i did something wrong and he's mad at me. I will have a panic attack immediately, I will shake and I dissociate from myself, like i'm in a daze. Even if I don't know if it's the case!!!

I pick on my tumb's skin close to the nail

If someone is angry at me I'll shake, I'll violently critic myself for having made a mistake or an action that made someone angry at me. I'll do anything to be forgiven, ANYTHING. Like being overly friendly, buy gift, helping when they don't ask,...

Just writing this gives me anxiety. It's a lot for me at the moment.

I like that, since I have a tendancy to focus on the negative and dismiss the positive.

Today:

- I had dinner with a friend and I told her about my C-PTSD and she was very open
- I love my 2 coworkers
- ...? 

Thanks wife#2,

That is a lot to think about and to work on. For me it will be all baby steps...

Hi Blackbird,

I don't know about that method, but I do know about difficulty to get in touch with my sadness. I've been in therapy for over 1 year now, and I am just starting to let myself touch my sadness A LITTLE BIT. Usually, when I'm angry, my sadness is not too far...

It takes a lot of compassion toward yourself to feel it, because it is very painful.

Have you any shame when you cry in front of someone? That's my case. I feel so ashame to cry in front of my therapist. We are working on this and it's getting a little better.

I hope you'll let yourself feel it. When you do, in can be painful, but soooo rewarding afterward!

I wish you can get in touch with it, you'll feel so much better 

Yes, I have a hard time setting my boundaries. The thing is I don't know if I can forgive him for all the thing he said to me...

Hi lostsoul,

I've been seeing my therapist once a week for the last year. We tried to go twice a week a few months ago but I am not ready yet.

If I'd listen to myself, I'll see her everyday!!!

Hi,

I've been married for 21 years and started a therapy 1 year ago and was diagnose with C-PTSD last week. I turns out that I just realised that my husband is a lot like my MIL that emotionally abused me when I was young.

Critisizing, a lot of anger, negativism, judgmental,... I don't feel safe around him (not physically, but mentally).

What do you do after 21 years of marriage!!! And I'm not in a emotional place where I can make a decison about leaving the relationship. 

Hi everybody,

1 year ago, my psychologist diagnosed me with C-PTSD. I refused to accept this. For me, my childhood was not that bad compare to others. But after 1 year of therapy, I just realised that she was right. I have a lot of symptoms:

Toxic shame
Hyper vigilance, feeling that I'm always in danger
Emotional flashback
Social and generalise anxiety
... and a lot more.

I just don't know how to take this all in. Relief that I'm not going crazy, anger against me and my parents, sadness, panic, critics,,...? Maybe all of them. I don't know.

I'm 46 and been living this way my whole life. I'm kind of tired of it. I just want to get better...

Sorry for any typo mistakes, I'm french