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Hi and thankyou kizzie, smiff is me I paniced because I could not get in, so made a new account sorry can I delete it? Or can you?
I am sort of doing better now thankyou and will be in because I have so many questions. I can also remember password haha. Thankyou again

Thankyou to everyone who replied to my first post. The last few weeks have been a nightmare with seizures have ended up in hospital twice with a broken nose, ribs and wrist. Then i forgot my user name and password, tried have you forgotten your password thing about 100 times, it kept saying an email has been sent to your email address but never got one have been trying every combination i can think of, have it now though and have written it down lol

I am 45 years old, my father started abusing me sexually from the age of 9, emotionally and physically for as long as i can remember. I have been in and out of the mental health service since i was 15 diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I went through a lot of relationships that turned out to be a carbon copy of what had happened at home. I ended up a raging alcoholic in a relationship that was abusive with no way out again. I had a complete breakdown, psychiatric hospital for 6 months, after this i managed to sort of get my life back on track, i got sober and remain so 10 years later. Around the time i got sober i started having seizures and was put on to anti epileptics that i took day after day having terrible side effects and none of them worked. Then 8 years ago i met my current partner and she is amazing, but my seizures started to get worse more prolonged and more intense. My partner was calling the ambulance several times a week because I would be fitting for 3 to 4 hours at a time, each time they took me to accident and emergency and said they could find no reason for my seizures. One doctor actually said to my partner that they thought i was faking my seizures to get attention!
Eventually they started doing tests lots and lots of tests. They came back saying that I had a hormone imbalance and this was being caused by overies and if i had a hysterectomy the seizures would stop. I resisted this as i have always wanted a child and they put me into a chemical menopause for a year, this did not stop the seizures. At the end of the year the docs said that the chemicals they were using to  put me into menopause could also be a reason for my seizures, but if i had the hysterectomy then my seizures would stop or at least slow down. So against my better judgement i went ahead and had the operation.
It stopped nothing, my seizures again started to get even worse than they were before up to 12 a day. I was referred to another neurologist who did a battery of tests and the results came back that it was PNES/NEAD/Dissociative convulsion disorder and the only treatment for it was therapy. So i waited 8 months to get a therapist who had knowledge of this and she also diagnosed BPD and PTSD and mapped out my treatment plan, which was DBT, with 121s.
During my 121s we started going into things and my seizures would increase then my therapist would say we have to stop going down this road go back to square 1 regroup and go down another route, the last route was to do some exposure work to try and control my fear reactions ie seizures, it didnt work i was seizing at least once a session. We have tried regrouping 4 times with much frustration, anxiety and confusion and seizing  on my part. It has taken me so long to trust her even a little as i dont trust anyone even my partner. Then a couple of weeks ago during a 121 i disclosed something that i have never told anyone before and my therapist looked like she had been hit with a concrete block. She said that she had to take it to the consult team, they came back with she cannot ethically carry on with the exposure work that we had been doing. I went into a complete flat spin, had seizure after seizure. My 121 on weds my therapist handed me a paper written by Christine A Courtois about CPTSD and said read this that is all i got. My other half was so angry she shouted which i have never heard her do (it also made me have another seizure).
I managed to start reading it and it was like OMG! how did she get inside my head???
I have no idea what to do now? I dont know if my diagnosis has changed? or how i am going to deal with this?? Has anyone managed to come out the other side of this??? Some feed back would be great, sorry for banging on so much, but dont know what to do