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Blueskies, what about setting a boundary and asking the person not to share news of/from the person who triggers you? I had to ask my M whom I'm in low contact with not to share family news b/c it triggered me.  She didn't like it but she (mostly) complies.  It gives me more trauma free space to feel safe and work on recovery without having to deal with being triggered. I actually moved with my H to the other side of the country so I wouldn't be around family for that reason and it really helped me.

Thanks Kizzie. I have asked but then I made the mistake of mentioning the family member in conversation (because I was starting to relax and feel safe enough to say their name) and they started to talk about them in detail including recent news. I will have to avoid doing that again. Glad that moving helped you.

But as I said, it's not enough. I discovered that I need to create as much distance between myself and FOO as possible, which includes setting limits to any people who try to pass on information to me about FOO, since that's all triggering.

Thank you. Do you think therapy is needed on top of EFT?

Thanks for clarifying Blueberry. Part of me always feels I should be able to handle more info or contact with FOO so it's helpful to hear that it's okay to limit or stop contact, even if they are very ill. It's definitely tone of voice...it somehow gets passed on....definitely massively triggering for me.
Actually I mean here that in my case it was necessary to set a limit so that nobody subjects me to things I don't want to hear or see or read. I certainly needed therapy to get to the point of realising this for myself, which essentially meant accepting that "yes, my childhood was that bad and no, nobody in FOO is going to change"  and then to start setting limits and deal with the fall-out of those limits. I have needed a lot of therapy.

I'm so glad to hear you say that people passing info on is triggering. I feel so stupid that someone mentioning them can trigger me! But it's the way this person passes on information - it's full of melodrama and shock value and even a drop of it has me back into insomnia and panic attacks.

People passing on info can be very triggering. It can be just a word that triggers, a tone of voice, the melodrama. Please don't feel stupid!! You aren't stupid. You are traumatised. Nothing to do with intelligence.

I haven't used EFT Blueskies but just wanted to say I'm sorry to hear about what you're caught up in right now.  I've experienced the same behaviour and I know just how deeply traumatic and triggering it can be.

Thanks so much Kizzie. It helps to know I'm not on my own.

I see you haven't been on for a while, so welcome back!

My trauma therapist taught me EFT and I still use it. It does take the edge off though on its own it's not enough. I run sentences through like "Even though I've just done something bad to myself OR even though I've made a mistake OR even though I'm frightened, I still accept myself". I guess that counteracts the voices from FOO saying the opposite, which is basically my Inner Critic still saying the opposite.

But as I said, it's not enough. I discovered that I need to create as much distance between myself and FOO as possible, which includes setting limits to any people who try to pass on information to me about FOO, since that's all triggering.

Thank you. Do you think therapy is needed on top of EFT? I'm so glad to hear you say that people passing info on is triggering. I feel so stupid that someone mentioning them can trigger me! But it's the way this person passes on information - it's full of melodrama and shock value and even a drop of it has me back into insomnia and panic attacks. I probably need to do some inner critic work too...interesting what you said about FOO voices and inner critic voice...can so relate to that!

I have been going through the most awful psychological abuse on and off for many years from a close family member. Mostly I've cut them off but I seem to have a hair trigger for cPTSD so it's very easy to get triggered anyway. Basically I'm treated like a non-person, an empty shell, told what to do, how to feel, spoken to with complete destain and disgust, and there is a constant agenda of control and manipulation. This person has tried to use other family members too, bad mouthing me and my partner and attempting to harass and manipulate by proxy. I'm terrified of them.

This person is now going through major health issues and trying to use it as a weapon. I'm very ill myself and can't take any of it.

I've started eft to cope with being triggered last week by a family member sharing news of the person and their latest attempts to force contact. Has anyone else used it? It's taken the edge off a bit but I'm still extremely stressed. Wondered if anyone had any advice on using it for psychological abuse? Thanks.

I'm not surprised you are in the state that you are. You have gone through so much! Yes I have suddenly found myself dependent and at the mercy of PDM later in life and it was terrifying and I had a lot of emotional flashbacks and early trauma come up. I've also gone through a lot of loss - home, health, livelihood. You WILL come out the other side, I know how scary and upsetting it all is. Maybe being frozen is your body's way of protecting you but obviously it doesn't help you leave the situation.

When I have been experiencing cPTSD in the form of intense terror I read that physical movement can help discharge it so I tried yoga and it really helped on a very visceral level. Also, garner as much external support as you can, whether friends or support groups or here or anything. It might be you are in a frozen state because you are really emotionally overwhelmed, so support is really important.

Maybe just take little steps...I am a firm believer in the idea that as long as you are facing in the right direction and taking little steps you'll get there in the end. Visualisation can be really helpful - visualising how you want your life to be and really feeling it in your body (without worrying about the logistics at all). It can help bypass the inner critic which keeps you stuck.

Awesome that you are making healthy changes...well done! It will make such a difference. Good luck!

Also, to cope with emotional voids, meditation can help as it gives you a gap between craving and action. And it can give u a higher tolerance for being with and exploring the discomfort....sometimes if you stay with numbness inside it will turn into something else - like grief or rage. Sometimes it only feels empty because you have shut it down, but it wants to be felt. It's a bit like an inner child who has shut down but is actually very upset or anxious or angry and just wants to be heard. Some good people to read on meditation are Jon Kabat-Zinn (there are lots of lovely meditations on Youtube) and Pema Chodron (author of Places that Scare You). The latter talks about turning towards those scarey, uncomfortable, empty places in ourselves and learning to develop compassion towards them - it's deep healing work. Also just mindfulness meditation can really help.

I was also morbidly obese. It turns out that the bigger you get the more food you crave and the worse the sugar and carb cravings get...you may literally never feel full. I was eating an entire packet of crumpets or muffins in one go to feel full.

If you ever want to try something different, which worked for me, a low carb diet is amazing. I haven't even been doing it for 18 months yet and I have lost 8 and a half stone, and no longer have insatiable hunger. Also the hormone imbalances were making me so emotional, and that's all stabilised. The bigger you get, the more unbalanced your hormones can get and then you end up all over the place. Atkins is good, but I am doing low carb, no dairy or wheat, and almost zero sugar, apart from a little dark chocolate each day. You don't go hungry and your hunger cravings just go.

I'd be careful of juicing as you can overload your liver and it's still sugar  - a lot of sugar. If you want a really interesting film on sugar, 'That Sugar Film' on Amazon is hilarious and fascinating and life changing.

Candid, I know what you mean...I don't seem to be able to emotionally detach, I just keep trying to get through to her.There's no way I would ever have a relationship on her terms with no boundaries..I did that in the past. I have been trying to walk away for years but there's always a medical emergency...I guess I may have to walk away in the middle of one. With the screaming, I really recommend screaming into a pillow, it muffles the sound but you still get it out.

Woodsgnome, your self awareness is amazing. I can really relate to the self doubting voices. I also relate to not being able to be vocal around the abuser...I still can't speak up for myself in person although I have started to in writing. For a long time I realised that my inner voice was incredibly quiet and I would ignore it and listen to her. I think so much of recovery is about finding your voice inside and out. I guess a lot of us have internalised those toxic outer voices of our family or others. It sounds like you've come a long way with dialoguing with yours.

Blueberry, really interesting about the throat...when I tried to let it all out years ago I used to get a sore throat...now I just let it come from that deep place. I sometimes feel dizzy after. Fascinating that the child pain has a different pitch. I'm never sure whether I'm dealing with adult or child/baby trauma. It's so hard to protect myself...my boyfriend is helping. My self protective instincts are not as strong as my people pleasing instincts.

Thanks Candid. The letter hasn't worked...she went into a rage and sees my boundaries as an attack and as me being nasty. She tried to publicly shame me by telling relatives and is now accusing me of affecting his treatment outcome.

Woodsgnome, are 'the voices' like your self doubt or your M's voice...I think I have that, though I've never thought about it before. I lie awake having argments with my uBPM for hours. What do you mean by the 'silent witness'? I'm really new to reading about trauma.

Shoshannah, your account is exactly like my panic attacks/screaming fits...you described the screaming perfectly. And yes it is scary! But the peace after...it's like vomiting up loads of pain and fear.

Do you guys think that the screaming is just the trauma being retriggered or do you think it's actually a way of processing the original trauma? I feel so much calmer since it happened...even though my M has escalated. But I have had 3 or 4 screaming fits over the past few years. In one I was shaking and trembling - I've heard that's something animals do to release trauma after freezing. Since I put the boundaries down I feel safer...even though she is painting me as the meanest most horrible person ever and she is the victim.

Thank you Candid. It takes me days and days of terror to get to that point. I wish I could get it out sooner but am grateful that I can sometimes. I tend to freeze for a long time first. It's so visceral isn't it? I have been trying EFT and meditation but sometimes I just feel like my nervous system has a mind of its own.

The situation with my uBPM has been going on for over a decade. I've gone LC so many times but she always hoovers me back with medical emergencies. I am sending a letter with terms and conditions for my continued LC - trying to put up some boundaries! If that fails it will have to be NC.  My uBPM has already seen to it that I've lost a lot of people in my life - she even tried to enlist my boyfriend in her flying monkey army but it didn't work. I am trying to keep my other relatives on board but it is a constant battle...she know how to trigger their protective side.

As long as you are both aware of the dynamic I think it can be very positive. It's definitely important to bring it up. I had the same situation with a male therapist and it was very healing. If the negative mother-child stuff ever comes up in the relationship then that can be very good to work through as well.

Hi, I'm new. I just wondered if anyone's panic attacks sometimes build to uncontrollable screaming. I had one last night where I ended up screaming into a pillow for ages. I always feel much better after, like a huge about of terror has gone.

I'm dealing with an uBPM, and she is the only trigger. Without her in my life I am hapy and calm. Yesterday she flying monkeyed other close family members, who then started normalising her abusive behaviour. I feel so trapped and helpless when that happens. I am trying to go NC, but her partner is apparently dying, and she is using it to try to control and manipulate me. Now she has hoovered in my close family, and they are no longer supporting my NC as they say she 'needs support' and 'doesn't know what she's doing'.