Messages

Hi NotMotivated

I can relate.  I have a hard time with what I refer to as lazy behaviour, but it more likely depression and/or procrastinating because of fear of trauma or failure. 

I have a question and wonder if anyone else experiences this...as I read some of the resources, espcially Mr. Walker's site postings, I get overwhelmed by how much I can identify with what is described.  I have to stop reading....  Does this happen to others?

Hi purejoy.

You are not alone.  The death of my father and the care of my chronically ill mother put me back a long episode of repeated trauma that ended all aspects of my successful life due to CPTSD.  I am only in initial recovery attempt now...so I have no words other than to say, I understand.

Be well.

Thanks to all your responses.  I am not one who opens up on this topic without great difficulty.  I only became public with my condition as a result of recognizing that it was impairing my ability to meet the emotional needs of my much adored daughter.  During EFs I found myself sounding like my mother...and I cannot do that to my girl, who is ten.  That and other symptoms brought forth events that as hard and frightening as they are, have brought awareness and lifted denial.  So I am now on the first step of a long trail to recover...I have so little support with enforced boundaries to render me safe.  I came to this site to learn, understand and find some support.  All the posts are like a mirror of understanding.  So I will be reading...maybe sometimes sharing.  Starting over...again.

I am alone, on purpose, and trying to establish my safety for the first time in years.  To do this I had to leave my daughter with her father.  I am told I suffer from Cptsd.  I had a brother who abused me and eventually tried to kill me...a mother we thought it was ok...a father that protected me but hurt everyone else.  I got safe and lived away, had a life, a happy happy life.  Then my father died...and as the family member who had a "normal successful life" I returned to the storm to deal with my chronically ill mother and it destroyed everything about me and blew my happy family apart over the last seven years.  I got to a safe place in February....but I can't stop the dread and inciting chaos when there does not need to be such. There is no end...and I am told that I feel this because of the CPTSD.  So I am learning...and so scared so often.  The thing I am most scared, is myself.