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Hello... New to posting here, be gentle please.
So I was married to an abusive alcoholic for 7 years, and it messed me up pretty bad. I got out 3 years ago. Though my body remembers everything, my mind has not been able to, and I've taken solace in this fact. I've stopped trying to tap into those memories because I understand that it's a mess of violence and I can't handle that yet.
There were some minor flashbacks, so I remember brief moments of mundane activity, nothing emotional.
Last night, right before bed, when I closed my eyes, I saw his face. The face of a drunk man. The face of a man I had come to hate more than I thought possible.
It feels like this had opened something in my head and I don't like it. I'm scared of what I may remember next and whether or not I will be able to handle it.  I want to get better, I know I'm still broken, but I'm not sure if I'm ready.
How do I prepare myself for what seems to be approaching?
How do I hold on to the progress I've made when the memories and the emotion connected to it comes back?
How do I prevent myself from losing myself again? I had just regained a semblance of self again and I really don't want to lose it.

First post here. Be gentle.
So it's been what, almost 2 years since I got out of my abusive marriage. Two kids later. While I do not quite take credit for "getting out" I was in the process of preparing to leave him, seeing as things were not changing, and 7 years had been just about enough for me to understand that it wasn't going to get better. Before I could actually leave of my own volition, he had an "episode" and threw my stuff out the window into the street for the umpteenth time. And I just went with it. Took the kids, and drove off into the night. Never looked back. He sees them. We still talk when we HAVE to. There are so many emotions to work through. I write about it sometimes. ( https://mikimouseroo.wordpress.com/ )

But despite the challenges that we are faced with, I do think that this is a battle we can win. There are bad days, there are worse days, and from time to time there are good days. Stay strong. I don't even know why I chose today to post on here. There was conflict. Maybe it's that. Maybe I just realized again that it wasn't my fault. Some things you can never hear too often. It's so easy to forget. But it does get better. Right?