Messages

Hi there. This can definitely be a tricky situation. Do you think it would be possible to approach your hiring manager and tell them how uncomfortable this would make you?? If you do...and it doesn't help-you owe it to yourself not to force yourself to just 'deal with it'. I've learned a few things..one is to try & be kind to yourself. Obviously the others have not been kind to you in one way or another- so you need someone in your corner! Sometimes the only person that can be is you! If it were me (I don't know your situation) I would first try & talk to my manager. If that didn't work...i would go find a different job somewhere with a manager that cares about the well-being of their employees...be it physical or mental..it only makes sense to want to create a safe feeling work atmosphere-This invokes team work, trust, and be productivity. 
But I'd say sometimes you just have to cut your losses & walk away. You ARE in control of what happens to you & when for the most part. You aren't helpless anymore!
Good luck! I hope you get it worked out!

JamesG-
Hi there. Thank you for the encouragement. I didn't try to steal your post and make it about me. But I was so relieved to see that this monster has a name & it's a real thing. For 40 years I have felt like I was alone. After so many times of trying to have hope to get better- I always remained hopeless & disappointed. I felt like the Dr.s don't understand me & that makes me feel like maybe I am the most messed up thing they've ever seen if they can't even help. I am so happy to have someone else who understands. I don't even have words. I will try to be kinder to myself-I have always been very hard and lived recklessly because I couldn't stand myself & really didn't care what happened at times. I will check out your advice for sure. Thank you so much. Have you been on this blog long?

This is my first time in here & I will give just a quick run down. I am 40 yrs old. I endured intense sexual, physical, emotional, etc abuse as a child. When I was 20 yrs old-My brother committed suicide.  So I've been through it...alot of "it" which I could never understand or put a name to I realized today was C-PTSD. I literally broke down in tears reading it because it feels like I have been in darkness-alone and no one could hear me-but I finally felt safe. 
I have self with a multitude of things through out my life that seems to have a cycle. I will go through periods of hardly any sleep..for days because I can't seem to shut my mind off. I try everything & nothing works. I've learned its just something I have to get through.
I will also become compulsive.  With everything...i won't allow myself any peace it seems. I will clean-straighten pictures-This I also have to just deal with or let it run its course.
Now-coming to alcohol.. I will-like clock work go on a binge drinking 'episode' for 4 or 5 days..obviously I feel intense guilt & pain when I do this.
I have been searching my whole life for an answer...to figure out how to 'fix myself' or break these hellish cycles. I've been to dr's...they put me on antidepressants & xanax-which of course I abuse when I have 'episodes'.  I have gone to counseling, I have seen a pyschiatrist, I have genuinely tried to understand what's happening to me. Now I feel like I know & I am not alone anymore.