Messages

     Thanks for the warm greetings, I am getting to know the site a bit better so forgive me if I put something in the wrong place.
    As for all the fatigue,  I took on the role of the people pleaser, so resting is always when everyone else is taken care of. When I started insisting on my own pace and rhythm it caused much disturbance which led to a divorce which led to actually allowing me to figure me out. I feel a terrible sense of loneliness at times but  it's a better trade off than inner hatred for not being able to live up to someone else's ideals and pace.

       Finding myself and being able to be me without apology or fear has been a wild ride. My entire family blew apart.
I have a daughter with NPD and it was like re-living my childhood with my mom. Not having her in my life has been sad and liberating. No more headaches or sudden public embarrassments but I also never thought I would have my own family broken up.

   Being estranged from my daughter and grandchildren has been difficult but my ex (best friend) and I are planning out future holidays and family times so we won't be caught emotionally unawares. I have three other children and we seem to do fine together. It's been two years and we are starting to re-shape and move on.

    Thanks for the space,
     Cal

   

     

   

Hi All,
  I am new here and wanted to say hi to everyone. I have CPTSD and am on the Autism Spectrum( actually aspie). I am a late bloomer as I am 55 years old and have been dealing with dysphoria and related issues for the last few years. I have read a lot of posts on this site and they have been very helpful and supportive. It's nice to know we are not alone and yet I tend toward empathy overload so I feel sad about our need for this board.

    I am feeling fairly good these days because I have simply become adamant about rest and recuperation. Being around folks is so hard for me. I feel exhausted after short outings. I also have a lot of trouble with transitioning throughout the day and tend to get stuck but I think that may be my spectrum stuff.

   I mostly suffer from depression( I was diagnosed at 15 and given a referral to a therapist who my mom said would tell her everything I told him, so you know how that went).  And depression is just a way of life for me. CPTSD is a whole other thing. I have gotten through most of my history and see how I minimized what was done to me or simply dissociated and repressed. I feel I am beginning to live again which is where the trouble comes from for me. I just can't do people anymore, or at least not the way I use to.

  Starting over in my circumstances and at my age feels overwhelming and a big part of me wants nothing to do with people and meatspace again but I know social isolation is not a good solution for me either.

  I mostly am grateful for a good sense of humor .

   

  I am going to be lurking around a bit but I am glad for this space.