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Hi,
Just wanted to say I'm following this thread. You don't really know me. I only registered last year and rarely post. I'm sorry about that :-/
But I'm doing body work. Although it's hard and has me confused atm, I do think/feel(?) I need to include this sort of work.
My last session didn't go too well as I can't feel parts of my body at times and it's unsettling. It makes me feel like I'm stuck and can't move. I have issues with dissociation and have been alternating between feeling quite anxious and being numb and absentminded for the past month.
I'm trying to read some of the work of Levine and Van der Kolk.

Kada

I relate to that.
I find that I need a certain routine or I don't get anything done. I can let go of it a bit when things are going better. But during the hard times it's something I can hold on to.
Also, I find it hard when people don't do what they say they were going to do (even though I understand that sometimes it just happens, something can come up unexpectedly) and they don't communicate about it clearly. It upsets me when people don't seem to remember what they said or promised. Sometimes I feel like I'm making too big a deal out of it, I don't know...

Thanks everyone, it'd be easier if recovery were linear indeed. I have a hard time showing compassion towards myself. I just feel stupid, as if I haven't learned a thing over the past decade. Looking at the past just makes me think in terms of 'why aren't you over it yet, it wasn't that bad' or 'Stop being such a victim'.
Also, I guess I rationalize a lot of my FOO's or my ex-partner's behaviour because they did what they did because of things they probably went through.
I worry about my therapy sessions because I often don't feel like I have anything to say, or I forget. And I dissociate quite often, it holds me back, and I'm scared my therapists will get fed up. My talk therapist asked about it last time and what I do to prevent it but I just keep on saying that I should move around. Sitting in a chair I just go still and start staring and it makes things worse. But when at times I actually catch myself doing it, I feel like I can't motivate myself to get up and walk around. It scares me but I can't really voice that to my therapist when it happens. He's nice though, they both are (I do body work with a osteopath who has experience in working with trauma) and they both really want to respect my boundaries. At time I guess they are even more aware of them than I am. But every time I have a session coming up, I worry about it.

I have trouble with nausea at times. I find that ginger tea helps me. I usually grate it, but it gets strong easily. I put a bit of lemon and honey with it. Also helps to work up a bit of an appetite.

Hi everyone,

I've been looking around the forums for a while and finally registered.
Not sure what I want to say, except 'hi'. I feel mostly confused atm.

I'm a female in my early thirties. Was in therapy 10 years ago for depression, worked through some stuff (ACOA, burned myself out, attachment issues, etc.). Thought things were getting better. Started working, was socialising more, started relationships. Felt more hopeful and confident. About a year ago I had a bit of a traumatic (I guess) break-up with my partner, which ended in court. Stuff he did, which I was shocked about. But also about me not seeing things and not protecting myself from what was an unhealthy relationship. Made me feel like I'm back to square one.
I just kept going after that. I have issues with dissociation and I'm isolating quite a bit atm. Been in therapy again for the past year (both psychotherapy and bodywork) but I'm not getting anywhere. Can't talk really and don't feel much most of the time. I just shut down and I get angry or somewhat panicky about it at times and feel like throwing everything overboard. I guess I feel like I'm just not capable of having a 'normal' life, whatever that means. Like I can't really feel safe with anyone, or hold on to a feeling of relative safety and feel connected to people and I guess life in general. Gosh, that's sounds dramatic 

So yeah, hi, I'm Kada