New to forum and jumping in here because I too have M that I have chosen not to go NC with. She is a saint in her own mind, and every convo includes dirt rubbing.
Going forward - sounds like you already have a good handle on the situation, except the awareness that the lash back will come no matter what you say anytime you don't cooperate with her control.
My solution is to focus on my reaction to her negative side. Nothing she says is about me - everything is about her insecurities with herself. It is hard to remember when she is rubbing dirt, and sometimes I have to leave the convo not to react negatively (results in a lashing too), but I just start the next day fresh with the knowledge she isn't going to change and I choose everyday whether to be in contact or not.
I attend a local anonymous group that has regular meetings and if a day or event is hard to deal with, I share there or call members for support. The most consistent advice I receive from the group, therapist, friends and doctors is to go NC, but that is not a current viable option for me. LC causes lash back too, but I realize nothing I can do will please her. Some days are good, but when they aren't, I choose to go NC for the rest of that day.
Good luck!
Going forward - sounds like you already have a good handle on the situation, except the awareness that the lash back will come no matter what you say anytime you don't cooperate with her control.
My solution is to focus on my reaction to her negative side. Nothing she says is about me - everything is about her insecurities with herself. It is hard to remember when she is rubbing dirt, and sometimes I have to leave the convo not to react negatively (results in a lashing too), but I just start the next day fresh with the knowledge she isn't going to change and I choose everyday whether to be in contact or not.
I attend a local anonymous group that has regular meetings and if a day or event is hard to deal with, I share there or call members for support. The most consistent advice I receive from the group, therapist, friends and doctors is to go NC, but that is not a current viable option for me. LC causes lash back too, but I realize nothing I can do will please her. Some days are good, but when they aren't, I choose to go NC for the rest of that day.
Good luck!