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The sad reality is that worst case scenario, you spend the rest of your life telling someone no and having to reinforce that. As a reiteration, people like to find the buttons to push and keep pushing them and they might just need to constantly face consequences and that's the reality of a boundary. You may read in the more recent months on how some people go low to no contact with the people who have been abusive only to see that 40-50 years later of no contact, nothing has changed regarding respect for the NC person, the role the abuser attempts to continue is exactly the same way as if the person never left.

Here's a link I wanted to share with the original poster. I'd rather you know now than ten years down the line because nobody will tell you this. The good stuff happens around 00:55:00, but your important stuff is kind of introduced around 00:59:30 - Here you go (it's a podcast)

Heavens knows I do need to work on a lot of things, especially boundaries, but not to make her happy.  That's just the same trap all over again. 

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Goodness, guys, boundaries are so hard.  I'm reading Townsend and Cloud's book "Boundaries" and finding even that triggering.

No big deal on the boundaries part. Nobody actually talks about boundaries in a way that makes sense and is clear. At best, people make it sound like you just say 'no' and it goes away, or you keep saying 'no' and it goes away. I'm still learning what it means and it seems like that's not how it works. You have to be relentless and kinda ruthless about the consequences. For instance, say you're friends with someone you think is super great and they keep doing things to hurt you, but you like them so much. You gotta tell them to stop or else you'll no longer talk to them. As much as it hurts for you to lay that down on them, you gotta follow through with no longer talking to them if they continue, and even if years later they pop up and don't seem to have gotten the memo and understood the repercussions form the past, still gotta enforce that consequence, no matter how much you like them.

I've also read that enforcing boundaries for people like us is more for practice for ourselves than it is for our FOO or primary abuser(s) to adhere to. From the information I've gathered, it seems like the only real option is to walk away in some form.

I read this article a few months back on boundaries. No idea where it was from as I had my browser on incognito when doing it. It said you know when someone does not respect your boundaries when they get irrationally mad. It explained it better than I just did, but it pretty much said that when someone takes it as your no and explode it into a personal offense, that's actually them not happy about a boundary and wanting to cross it. I try to keep it in mind, especially as someone who when asserting themselves is called selfish.

I'm not too much older than you, but I sure wish that I knew what I knew earlier because I've been actively working to try and figure it out.

Thank you so much for everyone who found value in my post. It's been a while since that's been the case... Facebook makes people very angry and defensive and other awful stuff.

ETA: One more thing people fail to explain is forgiveness. I found a podcast on NPR that might be helpful. It's called Forgiveness Isn't All It's Cracked Up To Be.

I literally signed up just for this. I can tell you what's going on because I'm older and have dealt with people complaining more when I was in my teens than ever. Not sure why it happens between K-12 more often than any other stage, but it does.

First, as a (grim) note: be careful what you tell her, she may not empathize. She could also be a little wacko herself. I'm coming to understand that what makes us constant targets is being honest about our experiences. Somehow it's some weird form of advertisement for those who are crazy to apply their crazy onto us and color our vision as to how the world works.

The crux of all of this is that this person is actually expecting you to manage her emotions. Are you this person? You're not... So, how can you cause her discomfort if you're not harming her or anybody or anything else in any way? You're not placed there to make anyone feel any way about themselves. You're there to get through your day/life. It's up to her on how to take the presence of another individual. If anything, she needs to know that you are not her anytime she comes up complaining. I agree that you need to be upfront and draw a line for this reason, and if she continues, keep drawing that line and give her consequences if she fails to understand that what she is doing is not right by your terms, and adhere to the consequence(s) if the time comes to do so (which I know can feel like it's hard when it's not even your place).