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I've joined this forum because I'm finally realizing that a behavior that's been affecting my life for about 10 years now is C-PTSD related. When I was younger I was so focused on being strong that there are a lot of things I just accepted, like nightmares and anxiety every night, hyper vigilance, and depression. Up until I was 37 I pretty much accepted that whatever anyone else thought was right and what I did was wrong. I was in emotionally abusive relationships that eventually left me so traumatized I'd be on the floor in a fetal position if they didn't call. My friends see me as so brilliant and together because I can put on a good act, because I'm a survivor, because I'm someone who reaches for positive solutions to everything, including depression. But ten years ago, I started going on TV binges, sometimes 10-12 hours a day for 1-4 weeks at a time. I was freelance so I could get away with it but I hated feeling so ashamed for wasting so much time when I could have been moving my life forward. Then 6 years ago, I got cancer so it didn't seem strange to lie down so much because I was exhausted during recovery and then for the past five years I've had chronic fatigue from the chemo and severe insomnia. But lately, with the help of a homeopath I'm getting stronger so I'm watching TV less and it's helped me to see a pattern that I didn't see before. I can't handle stress of any kind. when people expect things of me that feel like more than I can do, bam! I'm back watching TV for 12 hours. I can see now that it's my "avoidance" coping mechanism for feeling overwhelmed. I am catching and seeing now that this is a C-PTSD survival mechanism in response to stress that triggers early childhood stress issues but I could use help coming up with some tools for how to deal with it when it happens. I'm trying to do my usual - meditation and visualization and tapping but it's so much stronger than me. I want to become part of some groups so I feel more supported and less isolated but I'm usually so exhausted I don't have the energy to reach out and often people  exhaust me so I have to balance the social. Anyway, I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has had this coping mechanism and how they got themselves to stop and replace them with new techniques that are healthier. I am happy I'm recognizing the pattern. I think it's a good step.

Brave of you to share and I want to say that you are not alone. I have had anxiety in my sleep my entire life. I wake up feeling depressed and anxious. In my 20s I would have horrible nightmares of people trying to kill me and it would take half the day to shake it off. Finally in my 30s I started seeing a therapist. That got rid of the nightmares but not the anxiety. I'm going to try EMDR. It's for C-PTSD which can be long term from childhood. What helps me is morning meditation and visualization and tapping. I will visualize my safe place. I will visualize things that make me feel good and I'll cross my arms and tap L then R on my arms while repeating out loud something that helps like "I am safe, I am loved." I hope these suggestions help you. You have helped me by seeing that I'm not alone in suffering this way.