Messages

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Dear T,

Thank you so much. There are so many things to thank you for and I know there will be many more in the future.
Thank you for supporting me, understanding me, listening to me, making me feel safe, and assisting me in journeying out of the * I call my life. In you I have found a friend and not just a therapist. Your positive attitude, non-judgementalness, and understanding is so helpful. The past 6 months with you has been very helpful and I look forward to spending many more in therapy together.

K

Hello and welcome, Katie. Not feeling up to saying more but I wanted to make sure you were welcomed and let you know you'd been heard.

Thanks so much, means a lot

*This is not my poem, I copied it from a poetry website from a girl who wrote it.*

Little Girl Lost
where have you gone?
locked deep inside
all but withdrawn.

Frighten, flawed, and
damaged too
hiding you away
still couldn't protect you.

For years you were speechless
and had no voice.
made to suffer
you had no choice.

All grown now
and living life.
strong as nails
sharp as a knife

Cheerful and chipper
is what they see.
Battered and bruised
is the real me.

How can I help you
i ask myself?
is it too late
to take you off the shelf?

I wish I had answers,
knew what to do.
to set you free
and comfort you.

The sad thing is,
i'm lost too.
can't comfort myself
can't comfort you.

It's depressing, but it's also healing because it's really relatable.

Katie

Hello 

I just discovered this forum and I'm so excited to have a place to talk about CPTSD and meet other people who have it too.
A little about me:

My name is Katie, I'm 19 years old, and I've been struggling with CPTSD since I was about 14. I have various sources of trauma, but the start of it all began when I was 4 years old. For some reason it's hard for me to explain my trauma but I think I can do it if I just put in into categories. My trauma categories are father/daughter relationships, abandonment (along with isolation, neglect  & bullying), emotional abuse, family trauma, sexual trauma, and an event in childhood that centers around physical safety of myself and loved ones that resulted in childhood separation anxiety but transformed into anxiety and panic attacks about this specific subject as I got older. Hopefully you can understand me and relate to me more if I share with you my diagnoses. I'm not big on labels, but I think diagnoses are healthy because they help you understand, they inform others, and they present a base for recovery and treatment planning and modalities.

With CPTSD, you have a lot of symptoms and things that can manifest as other things. What I mean is, having such a complex condition, it can manifest in different symptoms such as chronic fatigue syndrome, depression etc. But the root of all my problems except for my panic attacks, depression, OCD, and ADHD, is my trauma. Anyway, I'm diagnosed with OCD, ADHD, Generalized Anxiety, Dysthmia (a form of depression), panic attacks, Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (I combine that with Adrenal Fatigue), Anorexia, and a learning disability. Having all of these things sometimes makes me feel like a walking mental health virus and basket case, but I know that  these are just terms that help put symptoms into categories and are just things I've developed to cope.

I've been in a lot of therapy since I was about 14 , but none of that helped. I was diagnosed with CPTSD in November or December of 2016, can't remember lol. Since finding out about CPTSD, I've been relieved because I finally understand myself and why my life has been and is the way it is. I'm currently seeing one therapist who helps me with energy healing. I feel very lost, overwhelmed, and at times helpless and hopeless about recovery. I'm overwhelmed with the complexity of it, how to go about healing, is true healing possible, and all the problems that come from CPTSD and how to make sure it all gets fixed. CPTSD has taken over my life and completely transformed who I am. I need an intensive recovery that I know will take years. I'm looking for another therapist who is well informed in CPTSD and has experience treating it. But for now, I try to stay positive about treatment, teach myself how to do self-care, and focus on the energy healing I'm doing now.

I joined this forum to gain support, find others to relate to, find tools for recovery, vent about my recovery and trauma, and help others. CPTSD is a very isolating condition and I feel like most people cannot understand, even the people closest to you.

I'm sorry this has been so long!! Thanks for the support, and I hope I can return the favor. 

Katie [/color]

I created this poll too help myself and others see that even though we may have been struggling with CPTSD for a long time, we are not alone in that.