Messages

Red,
I have been through a lot of anger.  I have had the cycles of rage and shame.  The problem kept coming back.  Then finally I just removed myself from the situation that was making me so unhappy.  I took a step back and looked at what and who were causing me so much pain, and I created space from that situation and myself.  I started to take care of myself and protect myself.
The anger went away.
I was trying to treat the symptoms, not the disease.  Now I am on track.
I hope this helps you.  Don't try to treat the symptoms.

"When I outperformed them or achieved anything it brought heaps of rage and abuse onto me. They have conditioned me to fear success".  I know how you feel.  These are people you need a lot of space from.  Take it.  Stand your ground.  I have tried to "process it" for years, and you will drive yourself crazy.  It can't be processed.  Start taking care of and protecting yourself.  Yourself.  Start now, or you will be back here next year with the same complaints.  And you know it.  Change the game.  Make them play your game, or nothing at all.  I hope this helps you.

Hello.   I am a man, recently divorced from a 16 year abusive marriage.  I have been doing a lot of reading and studying that I never would have done while I was married.  I have PTSD, and it is complex.  My mother died when I was 4, leaving 5 children who were "raised" in chaos.  The "wild children" we were called.  Since my divorce, I am coming to a new understanding of what coming out of the fog is all about.  My life has changed.  I am healthier.  People tell me I look better.  I looked all puffy when I was married.  I am meeting w a counselor to discuss issues.  I am staying away from my ex.  Work is going so much better.  I can concentrate.  But the feelings are hard to shake.  And it is all starting to make sense.  I don't have much of a support network to talk about this.  Hopefully, I am finally getting to the heart of the matter, and I have come to the right place.