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Messages - Lynzmann

#1
Hi everyone, the enormous weight I feel after reading this website is life changing. I feel both relieved and heavy. I have been married for 10 years. Got married young, my husband has BPD and its taken its toll on me. I feel lifeless. I can't sleep, Im all over the shop!!!
I have twins with autism and my eldest daughter (7yrs) has really been effected by the way he treats us. He isn't living with us atm but I feel like  I can't get away from him. I want to always ask for permission, what he thinks, checking everything. I am freaking out but the mere fact I have more space to think for myself and I don't even know how too! I don't know how to even dress.
How do I get stronger. I can't have him here but I can't leave him. Im so scared all the time
Please tell me I'm not alone